Lucky Seven

Ate our Christmas feast tonight & I would like to die now. Full, ill, sleepy, thirsty & other crud.

Oh wait ...

7.20pm - Put Ben down 20 minutes ago & not one moment of crying so far. He just finished a Yosemite Sam dance around his crib & is currently gnawing the finish off the side but no crying. He has a lie-down every couple of minutes between his anti-social behavior so I think we're making progress.

I am in the doorway again tonight. Ass in the room, foot in the hall. Much quieter neighborhood tonight so no distraction, thankfully. Tomorrow night will attempt the wishful-thinking ass in the hall & see how we fare. Oh, just let loose with a sneezing fit & let me tell you, that is one surefire way to keep a toddler from settling to sleep. More crib chewing, more babbling. Bring it on.

Tomorrow I am going to the library to get some books - just thought I should clarify in case you thought I was going to the library for something else ... something unlibrary-like. Anyway, the point is that I have a bit of extra time on my hands of an evening now that the boy is sleeping better so I thought I could start a bit more reading again. I wouldn't have to stoop so low if there was something decent to watch on TV these days! I kid, I kid. In my days before being a mother when I had 3 hours worth of sitting on a train everyday & countless hours of leisure on weekends, I read 4 or 5 books a week. I am a bookworm, a nerd, an egghead, whatever. If I read another thriller or two I will probably be qualified to be a detective myself.

My back & rear are killing me. Doorframes do not make comfy leaning posts & you'd think I would have learned by now to sit on a cushion or something. Last night I ended my laying down on the floor, which baffled Ben for a few minutes & made my shoulder fall asleep but we survived to log another day.

7.57pm - Neighbors are singing Bon Jovi at the top of their lungs. I've handed over the distracted reins to Marcel & we've had to close his door again. This is another reason why air conditioning would be a blessing - wouldn't have to keep the bloody doors open all the time & hear everything everyone else is doing. Still thirsty, am going to break down & her some water! Will curse a blue streak if Ben falls asleep quickly under Dada's watchful eye.

8.56pm - That boy is still going strong but luckily Marcel is up for it tonight. Titanic is on TV & I can't turn away. It's not like I haven't seen it a few times. It may have come out in a very romantic period of my teenagehood & I may or may not have seen it FOUR times at the movies with friends. Ugh, those were the days. I thought Billy Zane was quite the hot thing so obviously not my best days of judgment. Not that this was Leo's best movie, but has Mr. DiCaprio not been nominated for an Oscar? Have we not all seen what he can do? But that's a discussion for another day.

Okay, I should go concentrate on this movie just in case I missed something the first gazillion times I watched it. Loving the heavy rain tonight, cooling everything down & making me feel human again. Hope you had a fabulous Christmas or Boxing Day, whichever side of the planet you're on today. Keep your fingers crossed that Ben doesn't just stay up all night. xx

Oh holy night 6

6.20pm - What a stinker of a Christmas - we all got a little color & a lot of presents. No feast as it was too hot.

Ben is wailing but it sounds more angry than forlorn, which is actually a good thing around these parts. Usually wears him out more quickly even if I haaaate it. I also have the bedroom door open tonight & I'm sitting right inside it so he may be thrown off by the extra distraction of the hallway. Tomorrow night I plan to be just outside of the door then down the hall a bit but if tonight sets us back a few paces I'll just try another night right where I am until he can handle it.

6.34pm - He was starting to settle down a bit but it sounds like our neighbors Christmas get-together is breaking up so lots of laughter & loud goodbyes. No big deal but with door open tonight he's getting nosy. I think their 3 year old was yelling for Ben too so now I feel guilty but we've got to be strict for the first time in our parenting lives & actually stick with something that is going to make all of our lives much better.
So Ben has now gone without breastmilk since yesterday morning. Absolutely strange for me but he seems unfazed - I guess Christmas presents are a great distraction so tomorrow I'll have to come up with something razzly dazzly to compensate. I will be honest that I miss holding, rocking & feeding him so much! I guess when something connects you that closely for 19 months it's bound to be hard to let go. I'm very grateful that we were able to breastfeed so easily & I'm happy that we followed our own instincts to keep going so there's no doubt that now it's time. Mothers get such a barrage of information, propaganda & well-meaning advice (& everything seems to contradict everything else with a threat of dire consequences, of course) & I'll admit that most of the time I've felt like I was just blindly guessing what to do but I'm feeling confident this week about the sleep & weaning. Mark this day as it will surely bite me in the ass sometime in the future. Hey, I said I'm confident not optimistic.

7.20pm - At the hour mark & no end in sight. Had to shut the door most of the way as the neighbors' party hit the rip-roaring level again. Sounds like they're having a fantastic time - must remember to be a drinker in my next life. I don't mean that in a snide way at all - they are very cool people, great parents & seem super responsible when they drink. I honestly just mean that we do miss out on a lot of shenanigans because we don't drink ( well, I don't mind a glass here & there) & feel like sore thumbs in some groups. We should be mature enough to not feel this way but I think you know maturity is not high on our list of strengths. Name-calling & snide comments about news reports are probably at the top of that short, sad list.

7.43pm - Crap, thought we were almost there. Was quiet & still so I was holding out for the deep even breathing. Instead I got what sounded like a bark & now some gentle squealing. Tonight is the first night I feel like pulling my hair out with antsiness. Got to get a grip because I know (meaning I have read in books/magazines/pamphlets) that little ones can pick up on all your negative energy & spew it back out at you like some sort of crazed demon.
Hey, I hear some good breathing! Could it be? Will I actually be able to watch most of National Lampoons Christmas Vacation that started at 7.30? We thought we owned it but alas no luck finding it. Off to try my luck throwing a blanket on the slumbering dragon ...

Silent night, holy night #5

7.04pm - Boy is in bed, has not cried or whined at all & is lying on his tummy already & I only just put him down. There is plenty of opportunity for things to go terribly wrong but I'm holding out for a Christmas miracle & let's face it, I'd be happy with anything under an hour. If you didn't read my bragging status update on facebook, he went down like a dream for his nap - 30 seconds of whining then sound asleep in under 3 minutes. Shock of my life.

Did I tell you we are redoing his room? Now that we aren't rocking him anymore we are moving the world's biggest/ugliest/comfiest chair out & got some new shelves from blessed Ikea. Looks awesome so far but still working on the little things. Ben is already loving all the extra space & breaks out in spontaneous dancing & squealing when he's in the new & improved room! I feel the same way & shall post pictures as soon as I am happy with everything.

Let's see ... what else? Ah yes, it's Christmas! Looking forward to putting all the present under the tree tonight - we've had to keep them on the dining room table out of reach - & to see what Santa will bring. Shut up, kids could read my blog! We had a really cool Santa sighting today, he came round all the streets of Kariong on the back of a firetruck with some firemen. Threw candy for the kids in the neighborhood & us mothers got a little eye candy.

Ben's still quiet & settled down but awake, kicking a bit in his Christmas pj's. That's the only present we open on Christmas Eve & we'll have a family photo in them tomorrow morning. Since he's doing so well I think tomorrow night will be my move into the doorway & then the next night I'll be in the hall where he can see me. He doesn't seem to care that I'm here but it will be interesting to see how he reacts.

7.38pm - Okay, giving up on a Christmas miracle. Will settle for having my tailbone survive sitting on the damn floor! Still no crying, fussing or whining but still kicking around & occasionally babbling what must be quite elaborate stories because there is a lot of inflection & the odd sound effect or two. Loving it!

8.12pm - Finally passed out. On to enjoy the rest of Christmas Eve with the husband!

Night 4

6.28pm - Not loving the crying to be honest. We're starting early tonight because we had a big day - playing & swimming at the beach, cleaning at home (cleaning with a toddler underfoot is 1 step forward, 2 steps back don't you think?) then a quick dip in the pool. The sun is exhausting & this boy is a sleepy mess.

One thing I love about summer with all the windows open is that you can hear all the neighbors trying to get their kids to go to bed. Never will be easy I'm guessing. Speaking of neighbors, I'm going to make some cookies to take over to ours tomorrow. I've been such an absentee neighbor since I've returned from our travels & I need to step up my game!

So I'm getting back into the gym - yes, here we go again - but I think it's time to eat leaner. Need to cut down on the crazy carbs & try those stupid lean meats the world won't stop yapping about. My problem is that I eat like a bloody horse & never feel full so if I start eating less will my stomach eventually catch on & feel full with less or am I going to feel hungry all the time?

7.01pm - He was so still & quiet for about 10 minutes now he's on his back, kicking the crib bars & jibber jabbering like a mad man. Crazy child. I just do not understand why babies aren't born with ability to freaking sleep since it is one of the most important things they need! Come ON! He's saying "duh duh duh doy" or some equivalent so he obviously agrees.

7.38pm - we've got some even breathing happening & he seems nice & relaxed, just heard a snorey snort. But I think we all know how deceptive he can be, springing up like a wildcat without notice. Going to tiptoe & try to cover him ... All good. Just over an hour & Sleepy Sleeperson is ... asleep.

Night 3 of the living dead

7.28pm - wailing & looks of hatred as we start the night. Just threw a toy at me, not sure where it came from but there it goes. My goal for tonight is to make it to the gym, which means he must be asleep by 9:00. Not sure that he gives a rat's ass about my fitness but I have been feeling very hormonal & strange lately so have been eating like it's the last night on earth. That is right - when the en is near, if I haven't won a pass to the inevitable rocket that avoids the apocalypse & while you guys are doing awesome bucket list things & spending meaningful time with family & friends, I shall be eating brownies & asking "Shouldn't Graham Norton be on tonight?" I'll go into more detail about my hormonal issues in a later blog (spoiler alert: I am NOT pregnant).

Hmmmm, just noticed that Ben is not crying & is lying down rather peacefully. Is the apocalypse already here?? Did I miss the rocket lottery?? Isn't Graham Norton supposed to be on tonight??

Well I better run off to check out my favorite online nonsense just in case he fall asleep too quickly (shut up) - gofugyourself.com, textsfromlastnight.com (lots of drug & sex references on that one, be forewarned) & good old perezhilton.com are getting me through these trying times. I'm sending these entries from my email so I'm guessing the links aren't linked or whatever so I apologize.

8.38pm - Victory!

Night 2, Scene 1

7.06pm - I can hear the neighbors on their back porch. It's very close to Ben's window & they must think we're torturing him in here! Might have to send Marcel over to give them a heads up. Only been going 5 minutes & it's full on - this is the pits. Well, listening to the distant trill of my neighbors Kathy & Kim-esque accent is awesome but the crying baby part is the pits. That's the Aussie K&K by the way - hillllllarious.

7.21pm - Ben is lying flat on his stomach but kicking his foot back in the air. Adorable, not that I'm looking as far as he's concerned. Crap, he must have sensed me typing about him because now he's running around & crying again.

Do you use Twitter? If so, you need to follow Steve Martin - he is killing me with his Christmas singsongs & jury duty updates. I think he's @SteveMartinToGo or something like that.

8.06pm - Appears our Internet is currently down so I have nothing to surf! Must resort to word games that don't require wi-fi. Also appears that my iPod thinks Internet needs to be capitalized - wacky.

We're at a weird stage. Ben hasn't cried for almost 30 minutes but he's been flopping around like a fish out of water. Now seems settled but you know how that goes so I shall continue to sit on my numb bum until an angel comes forth & brings be glad tidings of great joy that he asleep. Is it glad tidings or good tidings? Maybe groovy? Anyway.

I am very thirsty. Have resorted to stealing one of Bens sippy cups of water - he still ha another, don't you fret. Too bad I chose the one with the lid that seals too tight for me to open so I've actually been sitting here sipping it out of its squeaky straw then putting it down quickly so Ben doesn't catch me & find me less than calming presence. Gack - he's kicking the wall again so definitely not asleep. I might prefer the old crying to the quiet rolling around or donkey kicking anything he can reach. Tonight I have moved a tiny bit further away according to the Gospel of Supernanny so am put of donkey kick reach. If he escalates to flying scissor kicks I am in trouble.

8.50pm - Oh my goodness, this is never going to end. He's in a loop of flopping from one lie-down position to the next & then on to standing & wailing half-heartedly. I'm giving him to the 2-hour mark then calling Marcel in to take my place so I can drink a gallon of water, curl up in the fetal position & just breathe peacefully for a few minutes.

Of course now he's quiet & still again! He's always one step ahead of me but heavens child, stop playing the games & go to sleep!

9.20pm - Merely minutes before the 2-hour mark he finally conked out. Poor boy, poor mama, all good for now. He fell asleep curled in the corner of the bed so no doubt he'll roll, hit the bars & wake up cranky any minute now. Ahhhh well, what can you do?

Night 1 shall never end

4.45am - Aaaaand he's back! Was sneaking out the door & he popped up like a jack in the box so now we're back to wailing & gnashing of teeth (him & me respectively). I did put his pants back on him so I may still be in the running to be Australia's Next Top Mom. Except I guess it would be Mum & I can't do that because it's too weird. I feel like I'm cheating on America just like when I say lift, boot or zed.

Hmmmm, we are back to lying down with even breathing but I'm no fool so I'm sitting pretty. As pretty as I can look in these circumstances but that's another story.

As rough as it is listening to my little man crying his heart out, it's not like he's woken up any more than usual so it's not as tragic as it could have been. Sometimes I have to rock him for up to an hour in the wee hours - he goes to sleep quickly the second I stand he is back to life. Hopefully by the end of this he'll be a more sound sleeper.

Okay. Attempting another cover & exit. Tomorrow night I'll dress him more warmly as it's a bit chilly a this hour & he obviously has no blanket on while he's standing & crying. Here we go ...

Nope, no luck. Just me standing up brought him to his feet too. He is a smart fellow to conserve his energy for when I'm up & easy to grab. Lord I love my little boy but I'd give a million dollars to have this over & done with minus all the bad memories. Poor kid.

And now I need to tinkle. What to do, what to do. Don't want to rob him of my calming presence but I'm not sure he's buying that anyway as he throws the blanket at me.

5.01am - empty bladder & another quiet spell from the boy. At point do I just get him up for the day?? I'm hoping he manages to get back to a real sleep for at least a couple of hours but I'm not holding my breath. I guess he'll have a long nap today! Oh crap, do I have to do this for his nap too? I didn't realize this was going to ruin my days too. Maybe I can still feed $ rock for his nap because he goes down very easily for that & then when he's more comfortable with self settling we'll move on to the nap too. Is that cheating or does that make sense to you too?

5.14am - sun appears to be coming up as I'm spotting a little color around the edge of the blinds. Ben is sleeping & I've done a few moves to test whether he's just lying in wait but I think it might be safe to call it a night ... Eh, morning.

Tune in tomorrow for more good times.