25 December 2010

Oh holy night 6

6.20pm - What a stinker of a Christmas - we all got a little color & a lot of presents. No feast as it was too hot.

Ben is wailing but it sounds more angry than forlorn, which is actually a good thing around these parts. Usually wears him out more quickly even if I haaaate it. I also have the bedroom door open tonight & I'm sitting right inside it so he may be thrown off by the extra distraction of the hallway. Tomorrow night I plan to be just outside of the door then down the hall a bit but if tonight sets us back a few paces I'll just try another night right where I am until he can handle it.

6.34pm - He was starting to settle down a bit but it sounds like our neighbors Christmas get-together is breaking up so lots of laughter & loud goodbyes. No big deal but with door open tonight he's getting nosy. I think their 3 year old was yelling for Ben too so now I feel guilty but we've got to be strict for the first time in our parenting lives & actually stick with something that is going to make all of our lives much better.
So Ben has now gone without breastmilk since yesterday morning. Absolutely strange for me but he seems unfazed - I guess Christmas presents are a great distraction so tomorrow I'll have to come up with something razzly dazzly to compensate. I will be honest that I miss holding, rocking & feeding him so much! I guess when something connects you that closely for 19 months it's bound to be hard to let go. I'm very grateful that we were able to breastfeed so easily & I'm happy that we followed our own instincts to keep going so there's no doubt that now it's time. Mothers get such a barrage of information, propaganda & well-meaning advice (& everything seems to contradict everything else with a threat of dire consequences, of course) & I'll admit that most of the time I've felt like I was just blindly guessing what to do but I'm feeling confident this week about the sleep & weaning. Mark this day as it will surely bite me in the ass sometime in the future. Hey, I said I'm confident not optimistic.

7.20pm - At the hour mark & no end in sight. Had to shut the door most of the way as the neighbors' party hit the rip-roaring level again. Sounds like they're having a fantastic time - must remember to be a drinker in my next life. I don't mean that in a snide way at all - they are very cool people, great parents & seem super responsible when they drink. I honestly just mean that we do miss out on a lot of shenanigans because we don't drink ( well, I don't mind a glass here & there) & feel like sore thumbs in some groups. We should be mature enough to not feel this way but I think you know maturity is not high on our list of strengths. Name-calling & snide comments about news reports are probably at the top of that short, sad list.

7.43pm - Crap, thought we were almost there. Was quiet & still so I was holding out for the deep even breathing. Instead I got what sounded like a bark & now some gentle squealing. Tonight is the first night I feel like pulling my hair out with antsiness. Got to get a grip because I know (meaning I have read in books/magazines/pamphlets) that little ones can pick up on all your negative energy & spew it back out at you like some sort of crazed demon.
Hey, I hear some good breathing! Could it be? Will I actually be able to watch most of National Lampoons Christmas Vacation that started at 7.30? We thought we owned it but alas no luck finding it. Off to try my luck throwing a blanket on the slumbering dragon ...

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