Training Notes

12.12pm
I will do another blog later about Ben's birthday party, which was lovely & wonderful & I enjoyed so much. But I am currently starting sleep training with him & need your support so I don't give up! I am supposed to start with his naps so I've done our new routine of diaper change, closing the blinds, rocking & reading him a story while he has a quick feed. Now he's in his bed. Theoretically he will cry & I will go in & soothe him in a few minutes & every few minutes after that until he is fast asleep. After a few days of nap bliss we will move on to the nights & eventually Marcel & I will have our bed to ourselves & Ben won't drink all night & will eat lots & lots of real food.

Only thing is I've thrown in an idea of my own. Ben sleeps really well in the car, obviously because of the motion but when he does cry there is one instant solution. The Beach Boys. That's right, the joyous strains on Barbara Ann puts an instant end to all tantrums & he ends up drifting to sleep. Soooo, genius that I am I have created an iPod playlist of our favorite Beach Boys tunes that is now playing while he's in his crib. He's not crying - don't think he's sleeping either of course. Worst case scenario, this plan fails & he doesn't sleep & grows up to have a homicidal hatred of Brian Wilson. Best case scenario, he cries less & realises this is his sleeping music & grows up to sing perfect 4-part harmony. Which do you think is most likely?

12.18pm
Off to check him.

12.20pm
Was standing in his crib as expected. Smiling more than I expected. Laid him back down, tucked him in. He did not care for that, much crying so I soothed & sshhhh'ed & whispered my sweet motherly nothings. Coughs & noises coming from the room now makes me think he is standing back up & not focusing on nap time. Hmmm, having major doubts about Operation Good Vibrations. Not that I want him to cry but no one has ever mentioned laughing himself to sleep as an option. Oh, now there's some whining sleepy noises. Maybe I should have included more ballads in our mix but the uptempo stuff knocks him out just as well in the car. Maybe I can attach a small motor to his crib & put a dummy that looks like the back of my head in front of the crib & just recreate the entire car scenario. Ugh. This sucks.

12.24pm
Off to force him to lay down again & soothe as only I can (i.e. unsuccessfully)

12.26pm
He's really wailing now & I don't mean singing along to the strains of Little Surfer Girl. I'm not cut out for this shit. I'm distracting myself not only with this blog but also making a new IKEA shopping list (can you believe we are already returning to IKEA - we are gluttons for retail punishment) down to checking the measurements of their famed RIBBA frames & the crap I still need to frame for our walls. Details, details, details keep my mind from the fact that the little love of my life is crying his heart out through the next wall. Actually, he's not crying now. I turned the music down on my last visit so he doesn't confuse his dimmed naptime room for a dim nightclub gig where he can't figure out where the band is hiding. Do babies think of those things? Are 1 year olds babies anymore? Where's my tape measure?

12.29pm
He's very quiet. There's no way on earth he's asleep so my guess is he's chewing the finish off of his crib, which is one of his more delightful talents. Maybe he's meditating - nope, just heard some whining. Oh, the tape measure is hanging off the "Don't Forget" magnet on the refrigerator! Anything that says "Don't Forget" is as good as forgotten with me.

12.31pm
Off to soothe & lay his booty back down.

12.33pm
He stayed laying down as I walked out the door, which the nurse at the Family Care Cottage said would be a good sign that he's winding down. I think they would have told me that him shooting me the bird & mooning me simultaneously was a good sign because they hate me & want me to suffer through my unhappy little man's sleep issues as much as possible. He also figured out that he can reach through the crib bars & hold my leg, which set me back a few paces because it was so sweet & desperate.

Now have the things I want to get frames for & am measuring them. Marcel & I have an embarrassingly large collection of Do Not Disturb signs from our travels around the world (sidenote: we hate that these are being phased out at nicer hotels)(towels are much bulkier to steal & not so quirky). I'd love to find a way to frame & display them but I imagine that's a combination of weird & tacky that I should keep to myself.

12.37pm
Is Ben laughing or just making weird coughing noises in there? Sounds a little too pleasant & not sleepy enough in my opinion. And as I hear I Get Around, it is dawning on me that Operation Good Vibrations may have another dark side effect of making me hate the precious Beach Boys as well. I swear Ben just yelled something. He is getting to the point where he kinda sounds like he's talking but nothing sensical. Gibberish, I guess you would call it. Lovely, lovely gibberish. And I assume today's gibberish could be easily translated to anti-Mommy tirades & wondering if Dad will get home from work early to put a stop to my evil plan. Not going to happen, young man. Just go to sleep!

12.43pm
Off to visit my little prisoner. This is never going to work, is it?

12.45pm
Oooh, he's mad at me now. Crying loudly & muttering baby curse words, I'm sure of it. I reached the 30 minutes of him in bed mark & I don't really remember what I was supposed to do now but I think it was the big soothing one so I took him out of bed & held him, swaying back & forth. I gave him a million mini kisses on his apple cheek & nuzzled my nose into his soft curls. He stuck his finger in his nose, then promptly into his mouth. *sigh*

Hmmmm, I'm at a bit of a loss now. At the Family Care Cottage, they had me take him out at 30 minutes & feed him to sleep the way I normally do. Ya know, they WRONG way. But it seems like if I do that, that's going to put a dent in this whole plan. I think they said if he doesn't seem distressed, keep going 45 minutes but then what??? And they didn't mention how to reconfigure said plan if I were to introduce 60's surf music to the equation. They obviously weren't prepared for Operation Good Vibrations. But then no one can ever truly be ready for such a cunning & melodic plan.

12.50pm
He's cooing away in his room & there's some banging that he must be kicking or rattling the side of his crib. What if he busts out of there & attacks me like a toddling Hulk or something? I've got to go grab my Family Care Cottage papers to see if they mention crib break-outs. Oooh, big burp from him - now maybe he'll settle down & drift off to sleep. Schyeah right & monkeys might fly out of my butt! Must watch Wayne's World again soon to see if it stood up over time.

12.54pm
Hey, he was actually sitting down when I went in there this time, chewing on his blanket. We are making progress. At this rate, he should be asleep by next Tuesday I'd say. The stupid papers basically say if he's not sleeping or seems overly distressed to use an alternate method to get him to sleep then try again next sleep. THIS IS NEVER GOING TO END!!

I'm going to leave a message with the woman from The Cottage. Until then, I am picking my boy up & feeding him to sleep & silencing those bloody Beach Boys before I push Rhonda & the little Surfer Girl out the window!

I'll keep you in the loop for his next nap tomorrow (unless he miraculously goes for 2 today - hahahaha).