It's amazing how clearly you find yourself thinking when you're naked, being sprayed with a cold mist by another woman. You find yourself wondering, "How did it come to this?" Is the sun really so evil? Could my pasty skin not just soak up a few rays without the inevitable oddly patterned burns before returning back to its marbled purply white hue. You also wonder why all the women at these spa places have to be ten years younger than you, tall, thin & perfect. I do not need them seeing me naked. And I don't count those paper panties as clothing & I'll be honest, I don't know which way is back and which is front so I hope she won't be telling stories about that moron all day. I don't think it matters since neither direction actually covered anything that should be covered in polite society. Ah well, I do love a nice spray tan to lessen the evils of my various lumps, bumps & dimples. I suppose it might mask them better if I didn't turn around & announce them on the internet but that's an issue for another day.
This spray tan was more successful than the last two because it only had to be on for 2 hours instead of 8 before I could shower so no need to feed Ben & accidentally give him attractive blotches of tan. It did rain earlier today & walking through the wet parking lot in flip flops did splash my legs a bit but it looks like those splotches have evened out a bit so I'm calling this one the most successful yet!
The other joy of my little spa morning was having a nice, long, intensive pedicure. My feet are smooth, my toenails are neat, clean & painted a sparkly bronze. But the best part was the immense self esteem boost I got from listening to the lady next to me talk to her pedicurist (is that what their called? cosmetologist? Geniuses, heroes & goddesses are what I call them!). One was 25 & had been dating her boyfriend for ages but "didn't want to fall into that trap of getting married & having babies" like so many of her friends who stayed on the coast instead of moving to the city. And she was upset because 25 is so close to 30! But imagine how the other girl felt because she was 27. The horror, THE HORROR. I wanted to smack them both & tell them to shove it before this almost 31 year old Coastie mama smacked them both upside their perky little heads. Instead I did what any mature woman would do & announced ever so subtly to my pedicure lady (that can't be what they're called) "I'll take that sparkly color BECAUSE I'M GOING TO VEGAS." I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I got LOUD when I said that. I could hear myself & was mentally telling myself to cork it, that the ladies were not that far away & a normal voice would work. I do think they were impressed for what it's worth. These sparkly toes are taking this old suburban mom places.
So yes, I leave tomorrow. I have reorganized my carry-on luggage about 7 gazillion times so I don't think I could handle one more day of planning, thinking, scheming, stressing, etc. So tomorrow I'm sleeping in & letting Marcel handle Ben's morning duties then we'll give Ben his late morning nap then probably take off to Sydney -- SEE, I get off of the coast -- for a little meandering around but maybe not. Then I need to be at the airport around 6pm where I'll stand in line, stressing my little Type A heart out until I find out whether I get a bulkhead seat or not with my boy. Luckily, we'll still have Marcel to help us with the luggage checking & stressing in line but then it's go time. I've been planning & strategizing for months so I really can't wait to see how it actually goes. Luckily, the international terminal has a playground & a kid's cinema area so I'll let Ben run around as much as possible & keep him active until I turn into the Cruella Deville of flying with toddlers & drug his sorry butt before we board. Hoping that way we'll have 30-40 minutes of boarding, blah blah blah then he'll fall asleep on takeoff. I'll have my book on my iPod & some tunes & can have a blissful several hours. Don't laugh - visualizing good stuff is supposed to help, right?? Oh, it's going to suck. I know it, you know it, I see no hope for a smooth trip. I am terrified the drugs will go haywire & he'll get hyper instead even though we've tested it 3 times. I'm terrified all my carry-on organizing will have made it even harder to find what I need. And dear lord, what if we don't get a bulkhead seat & both of us are squeezed like sardines in a tiny economy seat behind someone will no doubt be reclined the entire 14 hours. And Ben will probably kick his/her seat & I'll drop by iPod & won't be able to get it because I'll have a comatose toddler wedged on top of me. And how am I supposed to eat?? I'm taking lots of snacky foods & I see a real chance of not being able to eat the actual meals since I can't have a tray & the child in my lap. Will have to gorge when I get to LA. Of course, I have to get our giant suitcase there & balance that with the little stroller & two carry-ons through bloody customs. I've never had a bad experience with the folks who work at LAX - they've always been incredibly friendly but I'm not holding my breath. If it's going to go bad, it's going to be this trip. Oh well, at least I've got my tan.
And once I've cleared customs I'll meet up with my mom & niece, Alexis!! From there it's smooth sailing. A quick 1 hour flight to Vegas & it's maxing, relaxing, the pool, shopping, some slot machines with my parents, Alexis, Aunt Jackie and cousin Sara.
I CAN'T WAIT.
09 October 2010
05 October 2010
Oh, hi.
I've been avoiding you. Could you tell? There was a little awkwardness in the air, I admit it but I didn't want to have to admit I failed at the world's greatest fitness challenge. Maybe I shouldn't have built it up to be such a wildly awesome thing but I was excited about it. Sadly, I only made it 5 days in a row then I got achy. Not workout muscle pain achy, which I also was but that's to be expected, but oh-my-gosh-I-can't-possibly-be-getting-sick-again aching. So I missed TWO days due to trying to fight infection then I was ready to go back over the weekend only to discover too late that the gym was closing early one day for the holiday weekend & then was completely closed the next day. FOUR days of no gymming, what a bloody shame. Was back in full force yesterday - well, not full force because the gym was absolutely packed & there was actually people standing around waiting for machines to open up. As if there isn't enough uncomfortable interaction at the gym, I was not up for loiterers hanging around while I did my weights or hovering over others while I waited for them. So I knocked out the treadmill then headed home. Hopefully tonight will be back to normal then I'll get 7 days in before I leave on a jet plane.
So after my failed fitness quest, I'm taking on another grand scheme. Do you visit younghouselove.com? If not, you should! Well if you enjoy simple, gorgeous, logical home DYI ideas you should visit younghouselove.com (every day like me). The gorgeous Sherry who runs the site with her husband apparently does a little thing she adorably calls Aqua-tober where she drinks nothing but water for all of October. Yes, I'm late as it's already the 5th but I need a way to cut Coke out of my diet & keep me from hooking up to a sweet tea IV while I'm in Tennessee! A catchy name helps me every time. Let's be honest here, I am going to cheat (a million flights without Coke to hype me up & dehydrate when I need it least? I don't think so)(and SERIOUSLY, the south without sweet tea is a sin) but at least I have a little something to hang on to cut the habit down. And I can smugly proclaim "Oh, just water for me. After all, it is Aqua-tober" & feel ever so superior.
All else has gone well in our house. I am ignoring the fact that I am currently surrounded by a toy explosion, a gazillion loads of laundry & my neatly made bed is hidden under a half-packed suitcase & my carry-on bags that I have reorganised about 30 times. The long weekend was rainy & crap but it was good to stay in & hang with the family. I've been concentrating so much on the upcoming trip that I keep forgetting that we'll be away from Marcel for 2 weeks & that is going to suck. For me & Ben. Marcel will be living it up back here, I'm sure - I'm imagining nude XBox or PS3 marathons into the wee hours of the morning. I don't know why I think people instantly drop their clothes the second they're alone - I know I don't do it but there is something in my brain that has a very weird idea of the awesomeness in other people's lives.
And on that nudey note, I'm off to clean my kitchen & dust everything that is currently sitting still in this little house. Such a mess. Hope you're having a super day & don't judge me for my fitness failure. Oh, and yes I am a tiny bit sick again!! Can you freaking believe it? This is the millionth time in the last couple of months. So far just that snotty sore throat feeling & I am praying there will be no sinus pressure to kill me while flying.
So after my failed fitness quest, I'm taking on another grand scheme. Do you visit younghouselove.com? If not, you should! Well if you enjoy simple, gorgeous, logical home DYI ideas you should visit younghouselove.com (every day like me). The gorgeous Sherry who runs the site with her husband apparently does a little thing she adorably calls Aqua-tober where she drinks nothing but water for all of October. Yes, I'm late as it's already the 5th but I need a way to cut Coke out of my diet & keep me from hooking up to a sweet tea IV while I'm in Tennessee! A catchy name helps me every time. Let's be honest here, I am going to cheat (a million flights without Coke to hype me up & dehydrate when I need it least? I don't think so)(and SERIOUSLY, the south without sweet tea is a sin) but at least I have a little something to hang on to cut the habit down. And I can smugly proclaim "Oh, just water for me. After all, it is Aqua-tober" & feel ever so superior.
All else has gone well in our house. I am ignoring the fact that I am currently surrounded by a toy explosion, a gazillion loads of laundry & my neatly made bed is hidden under a half-packed suitcase & my carry-on bags that I have reorganised about 30 times. The long weekend was rainy & crap but it was good to stay in & hang with the family. I've been concentrating so much on the upcoming trip that I keep forgetting that we'll be away from Marcel for 2 weeks & that is going to suck. For me & Ben. Marcel will be living it up back here, I'm sure - I'm imagining nude XBox or PS3 marathons into the wee hours of the morning. I don't know why I think people instantly drop their clothes the second they're alone - I know I don't do it but there is something in my brain that has a very weird idea of the awesomeness in other people's lives.
And on that nudey note, I'm off to clean my kitchen & dust everything that is currently sitting still in this little house. Such a mess. Hope you're having a super day & don't judge me for my fitness failure. Oh, and yes I am a tiny bit sick again!! Can you freaking believe it? This is the millionth time in the last couple of months. So far just that snotty sore throat feeling & I am praying there will be no sinus pressure to kill me while flying.
27 September 2010
Tuesday
So, we're officially deep in the depths of teething. Last night was no better than the night before - up many hours with a very unhappy little boy. Looks like it's his incisors, canines, eye teeth, something, I looked at the charts & can't remember which ones they were! In any case, the teething drama queen has regained his grouchy throne. He's okay during the day, though, so I'll give him credit for that. A smart mama would nap when he naps but I'm going to color my hair again instead because the lighter brown I have at the moment just looks faded and it may be a tiny bit uneven in places because I didn't take much care in putting the color in last time.
My plan for tonight's drama is to start the evening by singing The Black Eyed Peas I've Got a Feeling. There's a chance that it's supposed to be I Gotta Feeling but I'm too lazy to google so I'm going with the grammatically correct version. Singing "Tonight's gonna be a good niiiiight" over & over is bound to bring positive results in my opinion.
And last night I knocked out day 5 of The Greatest 17 Days the World has Ever Known. It was a very half-hearted, half-assed attempt. I was very tired from the night before & had a crackin' headache so I just managed 11 minutes on the treadmill of walking briskly uphill then did some time on the squat machine (I wrote "squart" instead of "squat" at first & it's given me the giggles FYI) then gave up & went home. I don't think I ever said I was going to knock it out of the park for 17 days in a row, just that I was going to go to the gym for 17 days so I haven't failed yet.
Sadly, there is nothing else going in my life. Just counting down the days until Ben & I leave for America! I've got my suitcase sitting on the bedroom floor & have started a bit of packing. Need to put all the info for all of my flights in one itinerary for my sanity & print out e-tickets, Ben's visa info & get my luggage tags sorted. I like to be overly organized before I travel then I go all OCD & go over the information over & over - at some point in time I highlighted confirmation numbers & other important things. Actually, if I had a highlighter I would do that again this go 'round. Hmmmm, do I have a highlighter?
Anyway, off to get my boy down for a nap so I can color my hair, do some push-ups & sit-ups & get ready for the day. Hope yours is muy fabuloso!
My plan for tonight's drama is to start the evening by singing The Black Eyed Peas I've Got a Feeling. There's a chance that it's supposed to be I Gotta Feeling but I'm too lazy to google so I'm going with the grammatically correct version. Singing "Tonight's gonna be a good niiiiight" over & over is bound to bring positive results in my opinion.
And last night I knocked out day 5 of The Greatest 17 Days the World has Ever Known. It was a very half-hearted, half-assed attempt. I was very tired from the night before & had a crackin' headache so I just managed 11 minutes on the treadmill of walking briskly uphill then did some time on the squat machine (I wrote "squart" instead of "squat" at first & it's given me the giggles FYI) then gave up & went home. I don't think I ever said I was going to knock it out of the park for 17 days in a row, just that I was going to go to the gym for 17 days so I haven't failed yet.
Sadly, there is nothing else going in my life. Just counting down the days until Ben & I leave for America! I've got my suitcase sitting on the bedroom floor & have started a bit of packing. Need to put all the info for all of my flights in one itinerary for my sanity & print out e-tickets, Ben's visa info & get my luggage tags sorted. I like to be overly organized before I travel then I go all OCD & go over the information over & over - at some point in time I highlighted confirmation numbers & other important things. Actually, if I had a highlighter I would do that again this go 'round. Hmmmm, do I have a highlighter?
Anyway, off to get my boy down for a nap so I can color my hair, do some push-ups & sit-ups & get ready for the day. Hope yours is muy fabuloso!
26 September 2010
again
Quick gym update - days 2, 3 & 4 are done & dusted. I am sore but feeling pretty good so still going strong.
Now Ben is in the grips of something dark & terrible. Must be teething. Made the mistake of saying what a wonderful weekend we had - truly a great one - then he went down to sleep like a dream last night but woke up screeching a few hours later & then was up all night. And by all night, I mean ALL night. I set up camp on the living room floor around 3am so we could watch Toy Story & take his mind off of whatever was terrorising him. It was a good distraction for a while but nothing really totally worked - breastfeeding, Nurofen, Panadol, nothing. He finally settled a bit after 4am for a few hours but then was back up & about around 7am. Should be a fun day, right?!
Yesterday marked exactly 2 weeks until he & I leave for America. I hope he's a happier chappy then than he was last night. I still haven't gotten an update about my backordered bathing suit other than an email that said I won't be charged until it's shipped. Great, thanks. So I bought a backup bathing suit at Target yesterday - it's bright blue, which is terrifying but I liked the design & details. So I totally expected it to be terrible when I got home & tried it on (I was not about to try it on in the evil changing rooms) & was even more nervous when I realized that the bathing suit was a size smaller than I thought because the hanger it was on didn't match the suit - I am a moron who doesn't check such things. But, it fit! And wasn't half bad. The blue wasn't as radioactive as I feared & once I have a spray tan it may be downright okay. Let's not get crazy or anything - I'm no Heidi Klum but I'm also not Jabba the Hut so there is reason to celebrate.
Okay, he's crying again & just got himself onto the couch by himself for the first time so back to cuddling & soothing (with the occasional moment of me yelling "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOf!"which doesn't help just FYI) for me.
Happy Monday!!
Now Ben is in the grips of something dark & terrible. Must be teething. Made the mistake of saying what a wonderful weekend we had - truly a great one - then he went down to sleep like a dream last night but woke up screeching a few hours later & then was up all night. And by all night, I mean ALL night. I set up camp on the living room floor around 3am so we could watch Toy Story & take his mind off of whatever was terrorising him. It was a good distraction for a while but nothing really totally worked - breastfeeding, Nurofen, Panadol, nothing. He finally settled a bit after 4am for a few hours but then was back up & about around 7am. Should be a fun day, right?!
Yesterday marked exactly 2 weeks until he & I leave for America. I hope he's a happier chappy then than he was last night. I still haven't gotten an update about my backordered bathing suit other than an email that said I won't be charged until it's shipped. Great, thanks. So I bought a backup bathing suit at Target yesterday - it's bright blue, which is terrifying but I liked the design & details. So I totally expected it to be terrible when I got home & tried it on (I was not about to try it on in the evil changing rooms) & was even more nervous when I realized that the bathing suit was a size smaller than I thought because the hanger it was on didn't match the suit - I am a moron who doesn't check such things. But, it fit! And wasn't half bad. The blue wasn't as radioactive as I feared & once I have a spray tan it may be downright okay. Let's not get crazy or anything - I'm no Heidi Klum but I'm also not Jabba the Hut so there is reason to celebrate.
Okay, he's crying again & just got himself onto the couch by himself for the first time so back to cuddling & soothing (with the occasional moment of me yelling "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOf!"which doesn't help just FYI) for me.
Happy Monday!!
23 September 2010
One singular sensation every single step she takes ...
If you don't care for my gym musings, the next 17 days will be painful for you. Oh, I'm sorry it's actually the next 16 days because day 1 was a smashing success if I do say so myself. Let's be clear that my definition of a smashing success is "I went to the gym like I said I would." High five!
I pushed myself again with my running even when I was very tired of it & I'm pushing my pace up a bit, pretending like I'm running from Hitler himself. Not really. Actually Hitler himself probably wouldn't have been that scary of an opponent - seemed little, weedy & running with muss that hair. Ever since I was a kid I had a theory that the leaders of countries are the ones that should fight the wars - like Bush should have had to fight Saddam in hand to hand combat. I guarantee there would be a hell of a lot less war if the bozos in charge had to get their hands dirty. And one good whomp from Churchill would have put Hitler in his place and saved us from the continued kerfuffle of World War II. FDR would have been a worry, though, I suppose. And if you see a giant bolt of lightning & hear me screaming, you can bet I'm being struck down for calling WWII a "kerfuffle." Yikes.
So the gym went well but I will try to spare you the details unless something interesting happens. Which it won't. Maybe years from now, I'll release a book simply called 17 Days in the vein of RFK's awesome 13 Days, chronicling the Cuban Missile Crisis (I capitalize it because it's important & I get confused about capitalizing rules in general)(my comma use is even more ridiculous) from the war room. I can't decide who will play me in the movie, though? Can I request Carey Mulligan? She was in one of my favorite movies of the year (this year? last year? I don't remember) An Education. She looks nothing like me, is British & would have to wear a fat suit but I think she'd bring a lot to the role - she could truly capture the struggle of a girl going to the gym 17 days in a row.
Dougal from The Magic Roundabout
I pushed myself again with my running even when I was very tired of it & I'm pushing my pace up a bit, pretending like I'm running from Hitler himself. Not really. Actually Hitler himself probably wouldn't have been that scary of an opponent - seemed little, weedy & running with muss that hair. Ever since I was a kid I had a theory that the leaders of countries are the ones that should fight the wars - like Bush should have had to fight Saddam in hand to hand combat. I guarantee there would be a hell of a lot less war if the bozos in charge had to get their hands dirty. And one good whomp from Churchill would have put Hitler in his place and saved us from the continued kerfuffle of World War II. FDR would have been a worry, though, I suppose. And if you see a giant bolt of lightning & hear me screaming, you can bet I'm being struck down for calling WWII a "kerfuffle." Yikes.
So the gym went well but I will try to spare you the details unless something interesting happens. Which it won't. Maybe years from now, I'll release a book simply called 17 Days in the vein of RFK's awesome 13 Days, chronicling the Cuban Missile Crisis (I capitalize it because it's important & I get confused about capitalizing rules in general)(my comma use is even more ridiculous) from the war room. I can't decide who will play me in the movie, though? Can I request Carey Mulligan? She was in one of my favorite movies of the year (this year? last year? I don't remember) An Education. She looks nothing like me, is British & would have to wear a fat suit but I think she'd bring a lot to the role - she could truly capture the struggle of a girl going to the gym 17 days in a row.
*sigh* But more likely my adventures will be turned into an animated short starring this fellow.
Dougal from The Magic RoundaboutWhenever Marcel happens to catch an episode of this show with us, he never fails to point out how much Dougal is like me. Not cool. He's very grouchy, sneaky & bossy. But yes, he does have my hair so what can you do?
Okay, I'm off to be a mother. And I'll warn you that today's trip to the gym may be a tricky one because it's Friday & we have friends coming over this afternoon so I have to squeeze it in after Marcel gets home but we also have to get groceries & clean. Oooooh, will she make it???
Staring at the sun
Remember how I used to always say that I don't like to say how good life is because each & every time I do, I get struck by lightning or run over by a bus? Figuratively, people, figuratively. I may be signing back up that way of thinking again. Made the mistake of telling you about my nice couple of days & then yesterday was a turd, a stinker & an all-around waste of my energy. Let me take you back in time to revisit such a woeful time ...
We open on a woman who does not want to get out of bed. Ehhhh, I'm tired of this literary writing already so I'm going to fall back on my favorite way of explaining things - the list.
1. I lost Bono's guitar pick. It's my good luck charm & I have managed to keep it safe for almost 15 years so there were a couple of quick tears shed for this. If I haven't made you suffer through my dramatic tellings of every U2 concert I've been to, you are a lucky soul ("And then Edge raaaaaan past on the catwalk like a bolt of lightning & even though he was wearing sunglasses & the spotlights were blinding me & he was facing the other direction, I'm pretty sure he winked at me ..."). If you have listened to my tall tales (actually they are all true, my enthusiasm just gets OUT OF CONTROL)(if you were a U2 fan, you'd get the double meaning) then you'll remember that in Atlanta with Joy, Bono jumped onto the audience - security was hanging onto the back of his pants & he was hovering over our heads like a Thanksgiving day parade float & if I weren't such a polite lady, I could have poked him in his hoo-ha. Do men have hoo-has? I could have poked him in his crotch nonetheless. But I didn't so the Lord blessed my respectful self by making Bono drop a guitar pick that got wedged in the mat below our feet & Joy kept her eye on this pick the rest of the show until the place emptied out enough for her to grab it away before the only other person in the place who noticed it could get it. I never noticed it - I was still coming down from my holy experience of being so close to Bono hovering above me ... & regretting not poking him in the crotch.
ANYWAY, somehow I ended up with the guitar pick. I'm pretty sure it's because Joy is the most awesome lady in the world & knew that since I would marry Bono one day (whoops) I deserved the pick as a pseudo promise ring - I would totally have given her Larry's drumstick by the same rationale if he happened to fling one our way. Of course it would probably would have had to be surgically removed from my eye or something because drumsticks are dangerous. When Joy & I reconnected a few months ago, I made sure to apologize just in case I snatched it from her in some Gollum-esque frenzy but she didn't remember & just assumed she gave it to me. I don't know what grown-up world she lives in that she doesn't remember every painful moment of adolescent stalkertude but we'll just go with that.
ANYWAY x 2 -- So, I lost the pick. It was always kept tucked away in the coin section of my wallet so it was with me but safe & I could see it when I was paying for things. I apparently forgot to zip that section of my wallet because I pulled the wallet out of my purse yesterday & coins rained down all over the place & I spent the next hour desperately trying to find the pick - pulling out the couch, checking under all the cushions, being disgusted by what was under the cushions, vacuuming under the cushions, picking up everything in the loungeroom ... no luck. Seriously, NO luck. It's my lucky charm so without it I had no luck. Get it?
Marcel - who I depend on to find everything I lose - just happened to find the pick this morning. On the driveway, right beside my car. Weird. Must find someplace special for that thing since the zippy change compartment has let me down.
Did you forget I was making a list? I forgot so now have to remember what the hell I was talking about before I went off on my U2 concert tangent. Ahhh yes, the bad day....
2. The dog (Jack)(remember Jack, the giant greyhound?) snapped at Ben. I'd been keeping them out of each other's faces for the past few days because Ben was sick of being knocked over but yesterday Jack fell asleep on the rug in front of the TV while I was folding clothes on the couch & Ben was running around with his toys. Ben kept tripping over Jack but the dog ignored him so I thought we were all cool. But Ben stepped on Jack's back foot & that dog lunged back & growled/snapped/grew devils' horns like he was possessed. Luckily Ben fell back - if he had fallen forward he would be missing half his face. I took the dog outside, cuddled my little man & the dog went back to the fostering program a few hours later. Ain't havin' that in my house with my son.
And don't get me wrong, I am totally a dog person & realize you don't mess with a sleeping dog, a dog's feet & dogs can snap when they feel threatened so this was a perfect storm. Heaven knows he was the most peaceful dog before that & he'll probably never do it again but Benny boy comes first so the dog had to go.
3. I slipped while putting laundry detergent up on the shelf & ended up with half a box of laundry powder down my shirt & in my bra. No further explanation needed.
4. Marcel called right before he was supposed to be done with work & asked "Are you ready for the Bay?" Huh? What? We had talked about going out to eat with some friends - one of whom is an old friend of Marcel's who lives overseas & is in town for the moment - at a wonderful, wonderful, yummy, scrumptious restaurant called The Bay. Nobody (*cough*Marcel*cough*) told me it was going to be last night so I was in my worst house-cleaning/workout clothes reeking of flowery detergent & still fuming over the pick & the dog, just looking forward to going to the gym & going to bed early with a book. But then I really wanted to hang out with everybody & eat good food. But then I'm trying not to eat so much good food so I can lose some weight. And I haaaate taking Ben out to restaurants after his bedtime because Godzilla comes to life & I spend my whole time trying to prevent him from destroying Tokyo & no time having grown-up conversation or enjoying my yummy food. So I stayed home, Ben stayed up a little late because he has now started having an evening poop & he can't get to sleep until that's been taken care of (grrrrrr) but I did get to bed with my book & fell asleep right after 9pm.
5. Because the pick wasn't located until late this morning, the bad luck continued to a 2nd day. I ordered an awesome bathing suit online (shut up, how could that possibly go wrong??) after weeks of researching & trying to find exactly what I wanted. On sale, measurements matched, in stock, ordered, paid, ready to go, confirmation email received, second email received that said it was backordered so now I have no idea when I'll have that bathing suit so I had to send an obnoxious, but kindly worded email, to basically say "D-U-D-E, it literally said it was IN stock when I ordered it. Don't pull the bait & switch now, jerks. If I can't get it before my vacation, CANCEL IT because that sucks! ButIreallywantthesuitsopleasegetitformebecauseaSpanxbathingsuitsoundslikeheaventhankyou." I'll keep you posted on this drama as more information is received.
So yeah, there was more general suckiness & lots of laundry & house cleaning & couldn't go to the gym but now that the pick has been located, surely my luck should change. Ben wouldn't go down for his morning nap but now he's sleeping so that is an obvious pick connection.
But now I'm looking forward. Well, as soon as this whiny blog is written I will be looking forward. Many errands to run, so much more house cleaning to do, groceries to be bought, menus to be planned & mucho gymming to be done. Are you ready for a big claim? You better be ready because here it comes ...
I have 17 days until I leave for America. I have not yet lost enough weight to fit back into my skinny jeans, which was my goal. There is a chance I have lost no weight whatsoever but I'm feeling more fit but who really cares because all my jeans are still tight & those skinny jeans can't be convinced to shimmy anywhere over my chubby hips. Because of sickness & then some laziness & Marcel's availability to watch Ben, I have only been to the gym once this week. Henceforth & therein (huh?), here comes my bold claim so stand back ---- I, Ashley blah blah Eisele, will be going to the gym EVERY DAY for the next 17 days. I don't care if it's just to curl up on the treadmill for a nap, my ass will be in that gym every damn day. I don't expect to fit into my skinny jeans after 17 days - chances are it will take 17 months to lose the mess that has settled on to my body but I feel like really pushing myself for what may be the first true fitness challenge of my life, my Everest if you will. Bye bye lazy lady. Hello weird girl that went to the gym 17 days in a row.
Okay, enough for now. Ben's still asleep so I think I may take a few minutes rest to read & mentally prepare for my first of 17 consecutive trips to the gym tonight. I can feel your anticipation so I'll keep a log of how I survive the arduous task & if/when the people who work at the gym realize what I'm up to & hoist me on their muscly shoulders with a cry of huzzah! Maybe not, but this guy will be proud -
We open on a woman who does not want to get out of bed. Ehhhh, I'm tired of this literary writing already so I'm going to fall back on my favorite way of explaining things - the list.
1. I lost Bono's guitar pick. It's my good luck charm & I have managed to keep it safe for almost 15 years so there were a couple of quick tears shed for this. If I haven't made you suffer through my dramatic tellings of every U2 concert I've been to, you are a lucky soul ("And then Edge raaaaaan past on the catwalk like a bolt of lightning & even though he was wearing sunglasses & the spotlights were blinding me & he was facing the other direction, I'm pretty sure he winked at me ..."). If you have listened to my tall tales (actually they are all true, my enthusiasm just gets OUT OF CONTROL)(if you were a U2 fan, you'd get the double meaning) then you'll remember that in Atlanta with Joy, Bono jumped onto the audience - security was hanging onto the back of his pants & he was hovering over our heads like a Thanksgiving day parade float & if I weren't such a polite lady, I could have poked him in his hoo-ha. Do men have hoo-has? I could have poked him in his crotch nonetheless. But I didn't so the Lord blessed my respectful self by making Bono drop a guitar pick that got wedged in the mat below our feet & Joy kept her eye on this pick the rest of the show until the place emptied out enough for her to grab it away before the only other person in the place who noticed it could get it. I never noticed it - I was still coming down from my holy experience of being so close to Bono hovering above me ... & regretting not poking him in the crotch.
ANYWAY, somehow I ended up with the guitar pick. I'm pretty sure it's because Joy is the most awesome lady in the world & knew that since I would marry Bono one day (whoops) I deserved the pick as a pseudo promise ring - I would totally have given her Larry's drumstick by the same rationale if he happened to fling one our way. Of course it would probably would have had to be surgically removed from my eye or something because drumsticks are dangerous. When Joy & I reconnected a few months ago, I made sure to apologize just in case I snatched it from her in some Gollum-esque frenzy but she didn't remember & just assumed she gave it to me. I don't know what grown-up world she lives in that she doesn't remember every painful moment of adolescent stalkertude but we'll just go with that.
ANYWAY x 2 -- So, I lost the pick. It was always kept tucked away in the coin section of my wallet so it was with me but safe & I could see it when I was paying for things. I apparently forgot to zip that section of my wallet because I pulled the wallet out of my purse yesterday & coins rained down all over the place & I spent the next hour desperately trying to find the pick - pulling out the couch, checking under all the cushions, being disgusted by what was under the cushions, vacuuming under the cushions, picking up everything in the loungeroom ... no luck. Seriously, NO luck. It's my lucky charm so without it I had no luck. Get it?
Marcel - who I depend on to find everything I lose - just happened to find the pick this morning. On the driveway, right beside my car. Weird. Must find someplace special for that thing since the zippy change compartment has let me down.
Did you forget I was making a list? I forgot so now have to remember what the hell I was talking about before I went off on my U2 concert tangent. Ahhh yes, the bad day....
2. The dog (Jack)(remember Jack, the giant greyhound?) snapped at Ben. I'd been keeping them out of each other's faces for the past few days because Ben was sick of being knocked over but yesterday Jack fell asleep on the rug in front of the TV while I was folding clothes on the couch & Ben was running around with his toys. Ben kept tripping over Jack but the dog ignored him so I thought we were all cool. But Ben stepped on Jack's back foot & that dog lunged back & growled/snapped/grew devils' horns like he was possessed. Luckily Ben fell back - if he had fallen forward he would be missing half his face. I took the dog outside, cuddled my little man & the dog went back to the fostering program a few hours later. Ain't havin' that in my house with my son.
And don't get me wrong, I am totally a dog person & realize you don't mess with a sleeping dog, a dog's feet & dogs can snap when they feel threatened so this was a perfect storm. Heaven knows he was the most peaceful dog before that & he'll probably never do it again but Benny boy comes first so the dog had to go.
3. I slipped while putting laundry detergent up on the shelf & ended up with half a box of laundry powder down my shirt & in my bra. No further explanation needed.
4. Marcel called right before he was supposed to be done with work & asked "Are you ready for the Bay?" Huh? What? We had talked about going out to eat with some friends - one of whom is an old friend of Marcel's who lives overseas & is in town for the moment - at a wonderful, wonderful, yummy, scrumptious restaurant called The Bay. Nobody (*cough*Marcel*cough*) told me it was going to be last night so I was in my worst house-cleaning/workout clothes reeking of flowery detergent & still fuming over the pick & the dog, just looking forward to going to the gym & going to bed early with a book. But then I really wanted to hang out with everybody & eat good food. But then I'm trying not to eat so much good food so I can lose some weight. And I haaaate taking Ben out to restaurants after his bedtime because Godzilla comes to life & I spend my whole time trying to prevent him from destroying Tokyo & no time having grown-up conversation or enjoying my yummy food. So I stayed home, Ben stayed up a little late because he has now started having an evening poop & he can't get to sleep until that's been taken care of (grrrrrr) but I did get to bed with my book & fell asleep right after 9pm.
5. Because the pick wasn't located until late this morning, the bad luck continued to a 2nd day. I ordered an awesome bathing suit online (shut up, how could that possibly go wrong??) after weeks of researching & trying to find exactly what I wanted. On sale, measurements matched, in stock, ordered, paid, ready to go, confirmation email received, second email received that said it was backordered so now I have no idea when I'll have that bathing suit so I had to send an obnoxious, but kindly worded email, to basically say "D-U-D-E, it literally said it was IN stock when I ordered it. Don't pull the bait & switch now, jerks. If I can't get it before my vacation, CANCEL IT because that sucks! ButIreallywantthesuitsopleasegetitformebecauseaSpanxbathingsuitsoundslikeheaventhankyou." I'll keep you posted on this drama as more information is received.
So yeah, there was more general suckiness & lots of laundry & house cleaning & couldn't go to the gym but now that the pick has been located, surely my luck should change. Ben wouldn't go down for his morning nap but now he's sleeping so that is an obvious pick connection.
But now I'm looking forward. Well, as soon as this whiny blog is written I will be looking forward. Many errands to run, so much more house cleaning to do, groceries to be bought, menus to be planned & mucho gymming to be done. Are you ready for a big claim? You better be ready because here it comes ...
I have 17 days until I leave for America. I have not yet lost enough weight to fit back into my skinny jeans, which was my goal. There is a chance I have lost no weight whatsoever but I'm feeling more fit but who really cares because all my jeans are still tight & those skinny jeans can't be convinced to shimmy anywhere over my chubby hips. Because of sickness & then some laziness & Marcel's availability to watch Ben, I have only been to the gym once this week. Henceforth & therein (huh?), here comes my bold claim so stand back ---- I, Ashley blah blah Eisele, will be going to the gym EVERY DAY for the next 17 days. I don't care if it's just to curl up on the treadmill for a nap, my ass will be in that gym every damn day. I don't expect to fit into my skinny jeans after 17 days - chances are it will take 17 months to lose the mess that has settled on to my body but I feel like really pushing myself for what may be the first true fitness challenge of my life, my Everest if you will. Bye bye lazy lady. Hello weird girl that went to the gym 17 days in a row.
Okay, enough for now. Ben's still asleep so I think I may take a few minutes rest to read & mentally prepare for my first of 17 consecutive trips to the gym tonight. I can feel your anticipation so I'll keep a log of how I survive the arduous task & if/when the people who work at the gym realize what I'm up to & hoist me on their muscly shoulders with a cry of huzzah! Maybe not, but this guy will be proud -
Bono, Popmart 1997
(he's probably still trying to find the guitar pick he lost in Atlanta, poor guy)
21 September 2010
Stinky Pete
Yesterday was such a good day, it was weird. Well, it had one major bad event but it wasn't as bad as it could have been - Ben fell down the concrete steps at the front of our house. I was trying to be Super Mom (remind me it's never worth it) & take the boy & the dog for a walk so Ben & I were going out first so I could settle him into the pram then come back for the dog. Jack did not get the message so he was pushing past me to get out the door, Ben was running ahead & the pram was wedged between me & the dog while we fought. So Ben reached the stairs, barrelled ahead & tumbled down. He sobbed, I sobbed but all was okay about 3 minutes later. I really have to work on that whole concept of not overreacting when your child falls so they don't panic but it was the first time I've seen him actually fall so dramatically. Not cool. Luckily, not a bruise or scratch on him!
I can't even really remember why the day was good - just got boring things accomplished, dyed my hair, painted a box (details coming later in what will probably be the only crafty thing I ever do) & got to the gym. And to add the whipped cream to the day, when I got to the gym I realized I forgot my iPod & wasn't happy because that means I was going to have to listen to the music channel they always have playing, which keeps the top hits on repeat. No offense to Katy Perry, Usher & Adam Lambert but they don't get my fitness juices flowing ... whatever that means. But guess what was on? Oh nothing much, just THE BEST OF U2! How hilarious is that? So I got my treadmill on to my music in the end.
Once that was over & I had done by weights & was back to the treadmill (I've cobbled together a routine so let's just pretend I know what I'm doing) & it was suddenly Best of the 80s & 90s. This was wonderful as well but the worst thing happened - I got a case of the inexplicable giggles. On the treadmill. In public. I blame stupid Spandau Ballet. Their video "True" was on, which has the wacky ass lead singer singing very sincerely straight to camera so it was like he was looking deep into my eyes & I couldn't stop thinking about Modern Family's episode about that song. Giggles ensued & I couldn't keep making fake eye contact with the fellow so I got all sketchy-eyed, looking around the gym. Somehow that made me giggle more, then "My Sharona" came on with clips from Reality Bites & I was done for. I loved that movie in its day & am still convinced that if Winona Ryder & Janeane Garafalo would just give me a chance, we'd be awesome friends. Lord knows I already dance like their characters.
So, I made a fool of myself at the gym but I ended up running faster & longer than I ever have so I guess uncontrollable giggle power has its use. Let's make it clear that turtles could still overtake me when I'm "running" but I've now gone from alternately walking 3 minutes & running 1 to walking 2 minutes & running 1. At this rate I'll be running marathons in, like, 17 years. Good times, good times.
And hey, Benny boy is still doing alright with his sleeping. He's waking up twice now but the first time is while we're still awake anyway so I'm only having to wake up once a night with him!! I am still not holding my breath & expect he'll go back to 3 or 4 times a night any day now but I'm revelling in the extra sleep while I can! Not sure if it's that or the improved fitness but I have a lot more energy these days.
Today's been okay as well - seriously some of the best weather the world has ever known. Hot in the sun but a strong cool breeze. Boy, dog & I should be outside but we just ate some lunch & the dog is asleep on the rug, the boy is taking things he knows he's not allowed to take & putting them in a basket he knows he's supposed to leave alone. I should stop him but I reach a point every day where I get tired of saying no & trying to find tricky ways to distract him. I'll be back to my finger-wagging lecturing ways shortly. Reminds me that on Sunday I gave my first "If you don't treat your toys right, I'm going to have to take them away. Your father & I pay good money ... blah blah blah" lecture. 16 month olds don't seem to take much of this speech to heart, FYI. I had to sit down & take some deep breaths to recover from such a strong burst of cliched parenting. *sigh* It was bound to happen. He was tipping his wooden play kitchen over & over, just to hear the loud bang.
And now he's just dumped his basket of ill-gotten items on the ground so I need to go save the tissues from certain destruction. Happy Tuesday!
P.S.
For those of you who don't have total recall of 80s hits, I give you Spandeau Ballet's "True" (since when do they have ads before videos on YouTube?) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e4WLdLNajs
AND
I give you the dance scene from Reality Bites! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvhw-uAzbVc
If I could magically conjure up a photo of me from my freshman year of high school (I will not be doing this, thank you very much), you would see a little Winona Ryder doppelganger - same kinda terribly cut reddish hair, same awkward style, pasty skin, but missing an Ethan Hawke by my side. Ahhh the 90s.
I can't even really remember why the day was good - just got boring things accomplished, dyed my hair, painted a box (details coming later in what will probably be the only crafty thing I ever do) & got to the gym. And to add the whipped cream to the day, when I got to the gym I realized I forgot my iPod & wasn't happy because that means I was going to have to listen to the music channel they always have playing, which keeps the top hits on repeat. No offense to Katy Perry, Usher & Adam Lambert but they don't get my fitness juices flowing ... whatever that means. But guess what was on? Oh nothing much, just THE BEST OF U2! How hilarious is that? So I got my treadmill on to my music in the end.
Once that was over & I had done by weights & was back to the treadmill (I've cobbled together a routine so let's just pretend I know what I'm doing) & it was suddenly Best of the 80s & 90s. This was wonderful as well but the worst thing happened - I got a case of the inexplicable giggles. On the treadmill. In public. I blame stupid Spandau Ballet. Their video "True" was on, which has the wacky ass lead singer singing very sincerely straight to camera so it was like he was looking deep into my eyes & I couldn't stop thinking about Modern Family's episode about that song. Giggles ensued & I couldn't keep making fake eye contact with the fellow so I got all sketchy-eyed, looking around the gym. Somehow that made me giggle more, then "My Sharona" came on with clips from Reality Bites & I was done for. I loved that movie in its day & am still convinced that if Winona Ryder & Janeane Garafalo would just give me a chance, we'd be awesome friends. Lord knows I already dance like their characters.
So, I made a fool of myself at the gym but I ended up running faster & longer than I ever have so I guess uncontrollable giggle power has its use. Let's make it clear that turtles could still overtake me when I'm "running" but I've now gone from alternately walking 3 minutes & running 1 to walking 2 minutes & running 1. At this rate I'll be running marathons in, like, 17 years. Good times, good times.
And hey, Benny boy is still doing alright with his sleeping. He's waking up twice now but the first time is while we're still awake anyway so I'm only having to wake up once a night with him!! I am still not holding my breath & expect he'll go back to 3 or 4 times a night any day now but I'm revelling in the extra sleep while I can! Not sure if it's that or the improved fitness but I have a lot more energy these days.
Today's been okay as well - seriously some of the best weather the world has ever known. Hot in the sun but a strong cool breeze. Boy, dog & I should be outside but we just ate some lunch & the dog is asleep on the rug, the boy is taking things he knows he's not allowed to take & putting them in a basket he knows he's supposed to leave alone. I should stop him but I reach a point every day where I get tired of saying no & trying to find tricky ways to distract him. I'll be back to my finger-wagging lecturing ways shortly. Reminds me that on Sunday I gave my first "If you don't treat your toys right, I'm going to have to take them away. Your father & I pay good money ... blah blah blah" lecture. 16 month olds don't seem to take much of this speech to heart, FYI. I had to sit down & take some deep breaths to recover from such a strong burst of cliched parenting. *sigh* It was bound to happen. He was tipping his wooden play kitchen over & over, just to hear the loud bang.
And now he's just dumped his basket of ill-gotten items on the ground so I need to go save the tissues from certain destruction. Happy Tuesday!
P.S.
For those of you who don't have total recall of 80s hits, I give you Spandeau Ballet's "True" (since when do they have ads before videos on YouTube?) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e4WLdLNajs
AND
I give you the dance scene from Reality Bites! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvhw-uAzbVc
If I could magically conjure up a photo of me from my freshman year of high school (I will not be doing this, thank you very much), you would see a little Winona Ryder doppelganger - same kinda terribly cut reddish hair, same awkward style, pasty skin, but missing an Ethan Hawke by my side. Ahhh the 90s.
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