26 July 2011

Primate Update

I can call exactly one thing a success today & you're going to think that I'm really, really pushing it to call such a thing a success. I found the source of the stench in Ben's room.

Painful Recap: yesterday when Ben finally fell asleep for his nap, I checked in on him & found him naked with two big urine spots on the bed, room reeking. I put a new diaper on him & towel under him & let him be. When he woke up, I stripped the bed of sheets, scrubbed the spots that were left under the NON-waterproof mattress pad (seriously, why do these exist for cribs?), put new sheets on, etc. This morning it still stunk, which I imagined was because he might still be dehydrated from his flu, which would make his tinkle extra potent. I sprinkled covered his bed in baking soda, let it sit then vacuumed off, flipped the mattress, put on another new set of sheets. Also have been trying to force water down his throat all day to combat any lingering dehydration. Still stunk this afternoon so down on my hands & knees with antibacterial scrub to the actual wood on the crib, thinking maybe he peed on it like a drunken frat boy or something (no offense to frat boys but I apparently think they're inappropriate urinators - weird how such prejudices show themselves).

Anyway, halfway through wiping the bed down, I'm turning it around & there I find two prize TURDS hidden conveniently under it & on a little toy box that we'd tucked away to use later (yes, it's now been trashed). I realize I shouldn't be the least bit happy that my son not only strips himself & poops in his bed instead of going down for his nap like a normal child but also tosses said poop out of his bed so that we don't see it. And maybe I should be confused as to why my son's poop smells like heavily saturated urine but whatever. I'm just happy to have found the source of the monkey house smell & know that I'm not turning into a psycho whose hands will be disintegrating from over-bleaching everything within reach because I can smell awful things no one else can. I guess I'm just a glass half-full kinda gal when it comes to finding human poo in my home.

I still haven't tackled the bathroom sweeping & mopping jamboree so we are far from calling the whole day successful. I did manage to sanitize a bunch of Ben's old toys for the new baby but managed to splash myself with boiling water THREE times before I realized that I didn't need to stir the toys like they were part of a spooky little stew. Also, Ben fought his nap like he was Rumbling in the Jungle so I've officially decided to call it & declare that he is no longer a napper. If he runs like a crazy person all morning then we'll give it a try & I'll let the daycare woman enjoy her successful streak of easy napping but it's not worth the amount of anxiety & gnashing of teeth that it causes me day in & day out. I even attempted the old sleeping on his floor today, hoping it would inspire him or at least make him tremble in fear that I would scold him like a homeless person (I did)(& yes, I have a serious history of being yelled at by homeless people)(was called "white devil" twice in one week on the metro in DC by different people & I am seriously the most polite train-rider ever so what can you do?) but nothing worked. And now I'm realizing how close I was to that poop while I was on the floor so that's lovely.

And as I was typing that paragraph about how he didn't need naps anymore Ben whacked himself in the head with a wooden flute - where do we get these things? - & wailed like it was a shark attack. Obviously he gets tired so maybe we'll settle for quiet time, which will hopefully help us both rest without one of us losing our danged mind.

So there you have it, two really boring (one kinda gross) blogs in one day. It's like Christmas but nowhere near as exciting & with none of the gorgeous food. No presents either or ugly sweaters. Maybe it's more like Arbor Day instead.

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