31 March 2011

Anatomy of a Craving

If you have never experienced the joy of pregnancy I am going to give you a quick look at the looniness of cravings. First, please note that every woman is different so many suffer much worse than me & crave things like actual dirt so I am very thankful that mine are all actual food items ... so far. Also many woman probably fair much better than me & eat healthfully while ignoring the tug from crappy food - those blessed women obviously don't suffer from the bizarre nausea that only allows you to eat a few things & makes you gag on water. WATER people, I have to force chug water down.

So anyway, it's a very strange world. I assumed with my first pregnancy that I would turn into a ravenous badger than devoured any food that was left lying around unprotected but oddly I find my appetite is a little subdued. It could be the nausea, it could be the random chemistry of my genetics, it could be the baby begging to not be born to a land whale. Who knows? But I crave & just as strongly, I am repulsed by some foods. If you fry onions near me while I'm pregnant I will bean you upside the head but only after I have covered my nose & mouth & I'll bean you quickly because then I'll be running outside to the beauty of fresh air.

The weirdest cravings are the ones that sound absolutely disgusting at first, then it stays in my brain & grows & grows until I have to have whatever it is. Two people recently online have mentioned hotdogs. Even in my non-pregnant life, I am generally repulsed by hotdogs so when I saw the pictures of these overloaded hotdogs I grimaced, probably gagged & clicked away quickly. Then my brain started chugging away - how could they eat that crap? And what the hell was on those things? Was that cheese on that chili dog? Maybe a little fresh diced onion? Or what about that other one - was it mustard? Did I see sauerkraut? OH MY GOODNESS, I HAVE TO HAVE HOTDOGS!!! But did you know that pregnant women aren't supposed to eat hotdogs? I can't remember why - something to do with something that I have long forgotten since my last pregnancy & don't care enough to look up this time. So I am scheming on what kind of veggie dogs would satisfy this craving best. And I don't know of any good veggie chili brands over here because I don't think chili is its own food group here like back in the states so I would have to make my own & I don't see that happening soon. Is it too much to request a care package of Chili Man veggie chili from my parents? Yeah, that's ridiculous. I obviously have a lot of work to do.

Luckily, I also have some easier to fill cravings like french onion dip. Great on plain potato chips, veggies, etc. so that's a good one. I am skipping cauliflower from now on though after terrible cramps the last two times I had it with the dip. I also want very plain mexican snacks like the easy old pan-fried cheese quesadillas with a bit of salsa & sour cream on the side. Heaven on a plate these days!

There are some unreasonable cravings every now & then because they are things that don't exist here. Last pregnancy I kept hankering for good southern fried chicken with honey. Yeah, I know - this pregnancy the very thought of that makes me want to spew. And I will admit that tears may have been spilled when thinking of my standard favorite of Olive Garden's eggplant parmesan with salad & breadsticks. Making my own is NOT the same. Yes, I cried over not being able to get to an Olive Garden without paying thousands & flying for a day. Can someone please get a franchise going over here - a girl needs her mass-produced Italian fix please. And DO NOT FORGET THE SALAD & BREADSTICKS. And I will eat all the black olives in the salad if you don't claim some for yourself right away.

Luckily & very surprisingly, I don't crave sweets. I keep a few things on hand so if it gets in my head that I want something sweet to balance out all the other crap then I'm good but I'm usually fine with just a brownie or a tiny fun size Snickers or something like that. I did get a vanilla cupcake mix that sounds like heaven right now but if I don't make it, there is no chance that I'll gnaw my own arm off or anything loony that could happen if I don't get any of my staples like sparkling water, which I drink like it's going out of fashion. Is it going out of fashion? Was sparkling water ever really in fashion?

So now I need to go eat something because it's lunch time. Nothing sounds good, which is my standard problem but apparently this kid in my belly needs regular nourishment - geez, what a needy little greedy guts already. In cases like these, I find it's best to just make my quesadilla. Once I have something in my belly, suddenly other things sound like a viable option too. And I will admit that about once a week, I gorge like my body needs to store up for winter & it's never healthy. It may sometimes involve McDonalds but whatever, don't judge me - it's the kid, not me.

On that note, I'm off. If you are going to Olive Garden please think of me .... & how much I hate you. Don't bother trying to send me anything from there because my mom has already tried & customs took it away (it was salad dressing, which they don't list enough detail about the ingredients apparently). At least I know if desperation comes calling that there are two bottle of Olive Garden salad dressing sitting in some customs warehouse somewhere in Sydney & with enough hard work & illegal perseverance, I could probably find them & steal them & end up in customs prison. Ahhh, the life of a pregnant lady.

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