02 February 2010

Confessions part I

*sigh* Okay, I have a bizarre confession. Don't get too excited, it's not juicy. It's just that I have a nemesis - an ARCH nemesis. She doesn't know it because she doesn't know I exist but I tell you if I ever bump into Gisele Bundchen she will get the brunt of my stink eye! It's a long ridiculous story but once many years ago I discovered that Gisele was younger than me & I thought that's not cool at all. That night I had a dream that I was standing in a long line and Gisele was at the front of the line and was holding us all up and people were complaining. I announced something along the lines, "And I don't like her because she's younger than me." And the imaginary dude standing in line behind me in this dream said in a snarky voice, "You're worried about her being younger than you? I think that's the least of your problems!" And every laughed at me. IN MY DREAM. I was dissed in the name of Gisele in my own dream. Not cool, Gisele. Nemesis was born.

Other things have happened over the years that rubbed me wrong. Now don't get me wrong - she seems lovely and friendly & lord knows her legs are longer than my full height but she crossed a major line recently. The lady had a baby with her superstar quarterback husband and couldn't come up with a name. Shyeah right, psycho, she was just sending her minions to find out what I named my own baby months earlier. After several days without a name, SHE NAMED HER SON BENJAMIN.

How. Dare. She.

I had managed to overcome this but now she's back out there yapping about her mothering awesomeness. Girl better watch her back because when she least expects it I'm gonna show up in Brazil & WHAM I'll be throwing down a mother-off. I can breastfeed the hell out of her no matter how big her brazilian bazongas are. And surely our Benjamin is going to be a gazillion times better looking than any combination of these two:

Oh curses, I am screwed.

Anyway, why doesn't People magazine want to interview me about my pregnancy diet of whatever the hell I felt like and how I don't have a nanny. Sure, I'm not doing high profile international modelling shoots yet but geez, give a girl some time.

So there it is. I harbour an irrational hatred of a supermodel because she's younger than me and some fake person in a dream made fun of me.

More importantly, Ilse is here! So exciting to have her around & makes me wish we were always closer to family (shut it, Mom)(sorry Mom, that was rude). I'm also seriously excited to have a second person to help me chase & wrangle Benny. I anticipate a nice long shower tomorrow morning because she'll be able to watch him - it's awwwwesommmmme!

Is everyone else out there psyched about LOST tomorrow?? I AM!! But now ALF is on so I've got to go. Why is ALF on?

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