17 January 2011

Ballad of the Bad Mother

It's not even 1.30pm yet & I've already had enough of this day. I've spent much of it feeling very woe is me with a dash of must clean this house & a sprinkle of WTF. Let's revisit the day so far - I am feeling far too sorry for myself to write a narrative so I'll list it in diary form instead:

Oh wait, keep in mind that Ben was up a lot last night not feeling so great (lots of crying, some screaming & a whole lot of cuddling) so not much sleep was had. And yes, it's going to make you feel more sympathetic towards him but I'd suffered as well! Moving on ...

6am - Up & at 'em with Benny boy

7.15am - Marcel off to work, we wave at the window as usual

8.30am - I am bathed, dressed, ready to rock & roll. Ben is looking super fly as usual. I even cut the long sleeves out from under the short sleeves of his Old Navy Buzz Lightyear t-shirt this morning so it's officially a t-shirt now. Score!

9.00am - Out the door. I have two books on hold at the library & nothing else to do so we're off to get them & see what adventures we have in store. Someone should have warned me that they wouldn't be good adventures.

9.29am - Parked near the library, walking by the windows of the multipurpose room where classes are held. Looking in, hey looks like a little kickers class is about to start ... OH SHIT. It's Tuesday, 9.30am. That's OUR Little Kickers class. I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO LITTLE KICKERS. But I should. It's good for Ben. He only has flip flops with him so hahahahaha, no Little Kickers for us. Walk faster, walk faster so no one notices us.

Zoom by the Little Kickers sign in sheet right next to where we drop off our returned library books. There's a solitary uniform sitting by the sheet, must be Ben's. Not making me feel like a wonderful mother right now. Shuffle faster, shuffle faster. Go to the mailbox, mail our DVD back. Wonder if they've closed the door to Little Kickers yet? We'll just mosey on over to the playground for a few minutes.

This playground is better for kids older than Ben but they had to shut down the toddler playground because bloody Myer (department store) complained that it covered part of their window. Will never shop at Myer again ... unless they have awesome sale.

Ben sends Animal down the slide a dozen times but seems too timid for sliding himself today. Does seem interested in the little rock wall. Yes, he thinks it's a slide & is eager to go down even though it's completely vertical & covered in foot holds. Help the boy down, trying to avoid a bruised rear end.

Strange child with chocolate on his face takes Ben's Buzz doll, dunks in his mom's coffee foam but then kindly returns it. No drama. Ben runs towards old lady on a bench who is feeding two grandkids some grapes, she recoils from him like he is Satan in the flesh, literally pulling her grapes up like they're precious jewels that he might swipe. He smiles at her, I say excuse me. Well, my mouth says sorry but my eyes are all like "Lady, it's a playground. He's a toddler. He likes food. You're a grandmother. WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE A LOON? I don't like you & hope Ben has a virus that he's just passed on to you & your grandkids. There I said it."

I'm sick of the playground, start to put Ben in pram. Ben is not cooperative - screaming, crying, smacking himself. This is not going well. Strap him in & quickly duck away, praying that the other parents don't share Crazy Grandma's judgment. Must still stop at the library to pick up reserved books.

I've given up on the time concept at this point because time stands still when you're being screamed at by an overtired child who just wants to play. Walk into the community center area where library & Little Kickers are, Ben still screeching. Do I drag him into the library? Will only take 2 minutes but will break cardinal rule of library silence. Few old people in line - they tend to give dirty looks & I've reached my quota of old people dirty looks for one day so forget the library books, let's just walk past Little Kickers with a Little Dignity & get home.

Take Ben out of the pram. Am going to hold him because he usually likes that & it should calm him down. IT IS NOT WORKING. He's getting louder, squawkier, arms flailing. Keeping my head down, saying silent prayer of thank you that Little Kickers door is closed. Out the door, Ben still mid meltdown in my arms. Forgot the long line of windows on the building. Coach Matt, please be running some adorable drills so other mothers don't look out the window & see Ben whacking me in the face & crying like I've got a cattle prod against  him.

Longest walk of shame ever over, Ben strapped in car, have slammed any & all car doors. Am tempted to open them again just so I can re-slam them. P-o-i-n-t m-a-d-e. Drove home in a huff, tears streaming. Both of us. Forced the boy to bed immediately upon arrival at home, after diaper changing of course. Did his own thing until falling asleep an hour later. I watch TMZ in peace & quiet, clean some blinds, wash some dishes. Mom calls, I tell her my tale of woe. She says it's really pretty funny but not really. I make mental note for the next time she nags me to move back to her side of the world.

There was one shining nugget of gold in my day. And it's not the fact that we're going to have to go back to the damn library this afternoon because they'll only hold my books one day. It's that as I hustled my demon-possessed child towards the parking lot, out of the corner of my eye as I was peering at the Little Kickers crowd making sure they weren't peering at me, I noticed one mom chasing her son off into the corner & all around. God bless you lady for reminding me that I'm not alone.

So, I didn't even go to Little Kickers & I still managed to show them that Ben is "that" kid in class & I'm the mom who can't control her son. Still managed to cry in my car without even going through the class. Aces. I'm never leaving the house on Tuesday again.

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