01 January 2011

Secret Ladies Business (dudes, I warned you)

Okay, I remembered what else I want to tell you. I have my period back! Yeah, not really great news for most ladies but going without since I got pregnant with my little man, it's been weird. Somehow I feel a little more human having it back in my life BUT all my old bizarro side effects are back with it. Do you ladies have weird symptoms? Cramps, tiredness & eating like an Olympic swimmer (seriously, google Michael Phelps's training diet - it will blow your mind) are all par for the course. Every cycle I suffer through the joy of in-grown eyebrow lashes on my left side. Usually only my left side & it's really every time, I have to be ultra careful tweezing when I think the red tide is on the horizon or I get multiple lumps & bumps & look like a crazy person. On the other side of my face, I get a small outbreak of hormonal zits between my mouth & chin - like right where my phone & hair hit. And they're not just zits, they are the kind that you feel coming for days & there is nothing you can do to stop them. They ache & are solid as rocks when they finally do bloom as bright as red roses. And I won't start on the self esteem issues that PMS brings on - there are tears, boy are there tears.

But I'm glad to have it back so I can start tracking it. I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago for my regular lady check up & we talked about the fact that I hadn't gotten my period back & my doctor was worried, even though I was still breastfeeding. She sent me for an ultrasound & it turns out I have multi-follicular ovaries, which means they have more than 12 little follicle things on each ovary. This causes me to have wacky cycles. When the ultrasound lady told me this I did remember that when I went off the pill my period showed up about every 6 weeks or so, whenever it damn well felt like showing up. I had forgotten about those joyous days. So anyway, I go back to my doctor next week for follow up tests to see if there's anything else exciting I should know about & whether I need any treatment. She mentioned that some women have trouble conceiving when their periods are goofy but I think Ben's existence is probably testament that I'm okay but we'll see for sure soon.

More importantly than anything else, I have decided what my "reward" will be when I reach my goal weight - I'm going to get a fancy new haircut, finally attempting some style & not so boring & fluffy. My original plan was to just get whatever haircut Winona Ryder has at the time. But then we took Ben to see Megamind. And yes, when I say we took him to see it I mean that we dragged his butt along because we wanted to see it ourselves. It was awesome. Anyway, Tina Fey's character Roxy or Roxie or whatever has the most awesome hair on earth. So yes, it has come to this. I am dreaming of hairstyles from CARTOON CHARACTERS. But really, feast your eyes on this

And while I'm coveting pretty things, check out this wedding dress from a WAG over here named Rebecca Twigley. Color me impressed with this number - very original but not obnoxiously so & somehow balances modern, frilly & like a vintagey art deco. 

I'm not usually one that goes ga-ga for wedding dresses but I'd force Marcel to go through a second ceremony if I could convince the new Mrs. Judd to let me have this now that she really doesn't need it anymore. I would have to ratchet my goal weight down by an extra bazillion pounds or so but it would be worth it.

For some odd reason, I decided to document my terrible colonial hair this morning for you. I regret it already but if I don't laugh at my bad hair, I have no choice but to cry. Let's review - here is America's first President, Mr. George Washington:

And here, for your viewing pleasure, is me in my natural surrounds (President Washington WISHES he had timber blinds) looking how I do when I roll out of bed in the morning & throw my terrible messy mane back:

Crazy Lady au natural.
FYI, This would not be a good day to tell people to check out the awesome/terrible/awkward/boring blog you read.
So on that colonial note, I wish you adieu. Here's to surviving another day of 2011 - HUZZAH!

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