12 September 2011

down in the dumps

Goodness gracious, so many sad things going on. My grandfather's memorial service was today, which I obviously missed being on the wrong side of the planet. I wish I could have been there to be with my family & share the good memories with them. I love my family so much - not to be overly cheesy but they're such a gift. I'm not just talking about my immediate family but my extended family on both sides with all the aunts, uncles & cousins not to mention my beautiful in-laws who felt like family within days of meeting them (Have I ever told them how much of a role they played in me falling in love with their boy? I should do that.). Marcel & I have had many conversations about how lucky we are to have the family we have - we complain about the little hilarious quirks but honestly wouldn't change a darn thing about those people. Whenever people talk about where they'd like to be in the world right then, I always think there is nowhere I'd rather be than at my parents' house surrounded by all the laughter, teasing & loveliness of the fam damily. Okay, there was a good solid several years where I would have answered that I'd rather be wherever Bono was but I've grown up so now I'd definitely rather be with my family. With lots of food. Especially chocolate pies. If Bono just happens to be there, singing sweet nothings to me I wouldn't complain but the family basically wins.

So yes, I feel incredibly sad about grandfather's passing as well as tremendous guilt for missing his memorial service. Do you want to know what you shouldn't do when you're already grieving & wishing you were somewhere else? Let me tell you - do not watch the 9/11 services live on TV. I did pretty well for a few minutes but then it got to me & I had to quit before the waterworks couldn't be stopped. I know a lot of people have been sharing their September 11th stories but I'll spare you my experience because it's not really important & it will make me start crying again, which we don't need. For the record I could be reduced to tears simply by telling you the epic tale of how I baked some brownies & have eaten almost all of them by myself over two days so I'm obviously not in the best headspace at this point.

Also today a very gorgeous actor by the name of Andy Whitfield died of non-Hodgkin lymphoma here in Sydney. He was the original star of the Spartacus TV series for any of you who happened to watch that & he was the star of an Australian movie called Gabriel, which I own but have yet to watch because I'm terrible. Most importantly, Andy was a client at my old job & he was lovely. I have very few bad experiences to tell from those working days & even if I did, none of them would involve Andy because he was a dream - incredibly polite, sweet, funny & professional. And for the love of all that is holy, he was one of the blessed clients who returned phone calls promptly! Anyway, I know he'll be sorely missed by anyone who worked with him not to mention his beautiful wife & kids so I'm feeling a little blue over him too.

No, he never came to the office dressed like this.
As you can see I have managed to take not only my personal losses but also the world's losses to heart and am stuck in my wonderful Woe is Me mode. But as I've been typing this Ben obviously woke up from his nap because he came stumbling in here like a drunken old man. He doesn't possess that gentle pitter patter noise when he walks, it sounds more like he's wearing SCUBA fins or something but there is nothing more wonderful to see than my rumpled little boy. I am ignoring the fact that he climbed out of his crib, which has become our nightly argument these days. I'll spare you the million gazillion details I would usually share about the struggles for now but I'm sure I'll post about it soon enough.

At least whenever Marcel or I are feeling particularly sorry for ourselves, the other jackass can be counted on to start humming the Charlie Brown music. This usually cheers us up - any Arrested Development fans can understand. And can I just say that I can't believe you can find absolutely anything online?

Let's see, there has to be some non-complaining things I can tell you. Hmmmm ... oh! I manage to start on the new baby's nursery corner in our room! All the furniture is in place, now just have to get all the little artsy stuff on the wall to decorate, get the baby gear organized & decide what to do about my lighting choices. Shall post pictures when I get it done. I was just going to move the furniture around to make sure it all fit properly then put it back to normal but then it dawned on me that I could probably use the next couple of weeks to actually get used to not having my bedside table where it used to be & where the hell everything actually will be before I come home with the nameless wonder. Let me tell you, I am one organized mamacita! Of course now that I've put so much effort into being prepared & being so proud of myself for knowing what to expect this time around, I am fully aware that things will not go as planned & I'll be thrown for a loop all over again.

Oh, I know something good - I slept well last night! My never-ending cold must have finally decided to move on because there were no coughing fits, sore throats or anything else untoward. Of course I have a few achy cracks when I roll over but that is simply par for the course at this stage of pregnancy. So now I have just under 2 1/2 weeks worth of good sleep to be had before the newborn madness takes over. I am earnestly praying that Ben sleeps well, no one else gets sick & we all get some much-needed rest while we can. Stop laughing, it could happen.

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