Firstborn

While I imagine some has been amplified by my grumpy hormonal moods, we have a new problem in this house. Well, a new old problem that's come back around. Ben has become super duper mischievous again. It's like now that he's taller & get into more stuff it's almost like he's just learned how to walk again - I do nothing but desperately try to keep him out of things & to keep decorations, furnishings, EVERYTHING out of his hands. It pushes me past my wit's end most days. I get out of the shower & have to rearrange everything back on the changing table, take the little desk calendar out of the lampshade he likes to stuff it in (note to self: never leave this lamp on without adults around), make sure he hasn't broken the few knick knacky things I have stubbornly left out so that our home has some bloody decoration left. And before I leave him alone for a minute, I have to triple check that doors are closed to the guest room, our room & the bathroom door has to actually be locked since he can work that handle. If I don't, he will remove everything from our bathroom drawers & throw it BEHIND the drawers, which can only be remedied by me getting down on my giant stomach & reeeeeaching way back there - not a fan of this. If he gets into Marcel & my room, he systematically destroys all of the things I have stacked up for the baby's corner. Hopefully we'll get everything up on the wall & organized away today or this weekend so this won't be an issue for much longer but he'll just find something new then.

I'm not sure how to handle this situation. He's two so I know he needs to explore & play & I feel like a mean old cow shutting him out just for my own sanity but I also would love to own some things that aren't broken (I can spot three things from my current vantage points that have been busted & glued back together), to not have to reorganize every little corner of our house 30 times a day after he's rummaged through it & I don't think it's so evil that I'd love our house to have some damn decoration to it. The kitchen has a gate on it plus all its cabinets have stupid little locks on them, which I hate looking at (this is why I steadfastly refuse to add them in the bathroom) but we've been here well over a year & Ben would still run wild with everything in there if allowed.

I'm not embarrassed to admit how insanely angry I get when people say that they don't bother with "toddler-proofing" because after they've said no a few times, their kid isn't interested in trying anymore. Really? R-E-A-L-L-Y??? I hate you & I hate your ass face. If I am in my room with Ben, making the bed or something he'll start in my closet trying to pull things out, I'll say no or steer him away so he'll move on to a bedside table, then the baby corner, then hiding things behind the blinds, then the other bedside table, then Marcel's closet drawers ... it will literally keep going until I give up, curse & move on then eventually I have to go back & clean up everything he messed up. He is just nonstop & has been for as long as he has been able to move his little rear-end. Our house is TINY & has no storage so we only have so many options of hiding things or keeping them out of his eyesight - I really thought he'd get over it eventually but now I'm not so sure.

*Sigh* I don't like complaining about the little love of my life because he's really the most awesome kid on earth - he makes me laugh nonstop & even impresses me with his diligence & dedication to my total insanity. Yesterday when we were outside & down near our little side landscaped area, he dragged out two buckets & plopped down & yelled for me so we could do a little weeding! Hahahaha. I had him help me once earlier this week & we had a great time until a large spider jump out, which reminded me that there are some truly awful tiny creatures lurking under those rocks around the weeds so maybe I should limit the time his tiny fingers are down there with them - the spider that jumped out at us was nothing scary but I really don't like the idea of Ben having to be treated with anti-venom down the road! I still expect we'll have some weeding to do today again with me on my eagle-eye spider-spotting mama skills on display because he really seems to enjoy pulling up some grass & weeds & deciding which bucket it should go in.

Ah well, apologies for starting this day out with complaints. I promised I would go to bed early last night like I say I will every night but it took been aaaaages to get to sleep & I can't sleep until he is for some reason, then I got up with a sniffly nose (mine) & a nightmare (Ben's, though he didn't actually wake up - I can't handle hearing him crying "No, no, no!" in his sleep) then Ben decided he was ready for the day at 6am. Luckily his dear father got up with him but I still can't go back to sleep when the boy is awake - terrible habit! And my lovely pregnancy circulation always makes my hands fall asleep in the morning no matter how I position them & try to shake them out so I go a tiny bit insane.

So yes, I'll go now but please share if you have any advice for how to teach a toddler to listen, play with his own toys instead of playing with our stuff or how to discipline a 2 year-old without yelling (I'm terrible) & that doesn't involve me pinning him to a naughty chair/step/spot (seriously, it's completely ineffectual when the wiggle worm has to be physically restrained). I really feel like a moron about to have my second child when I obviously have so much to learn about how to take care of my first one. This parenting crap is ridiculous.