13 September 2011


Well, yesterday was a doozy. I'll skip to the end where I was going to take pictures of the destruction that a certain child had brought upon the house from room to room & outside but when I turned the camera on, I got the WAH WAH WAAAAH as the battery decided to poop out instead. I almost launched that camera into the pool but reminded myself I'm trying to not be so dramatic. Hide the crazy, Ashley, hide the crazy.

Anyway, the end of those terrible terrible photos of toys strewn as far as the eye could see I was going to show the delicious meal I had made & say some witty version of "but we ended with this delicious dish so all is okay." I can't even think of a witty version of that because I was up half the night while my body violently rejected that delicious dish in various ways at the same time. I will no longer be sharing that recipe because I don't want you to have to replace your lovely bamboo bathroom trashcan like I now have to. So I guess that dead camera battery was a good thing.

It was quite possibly the only good thing from yesterday. I woke up in a funk, which I'll admit isn't unusual these days due to the hormones & absolutely exhaustion. But Ben woke up in a frenzy & did not slow down all day. I know I talk about how active he is all the time but yesterday I can honestly say he didn't take a breath - throwing his outdoor toys into the bushes so he could watch all the bees fly around him (a dark day is coming soon with those bees, I can feel it in my waters) & when I'd scold him for that, he'd switch to throwing all of his bouncy balls (why does he have so many?) over the gate to the bottom part of our patio near the garage or around the pool where he is obviously not allowed to play. So finally I'd give up & move us indoors as punishment where he would just tear through the place room by room & drive me bonkers. At one point in time he dumped every toy he could reach in his room into his crib & climbed in with them - this was okay for me because I knew where he was. Too bad he kept getting stuck & whining to be freed. There were literally about 10 minutes where I sat on the couch with my feet up, listening to him play in his room halfway quietly & I was in heaven. Naturally I became suspicious pretty quickly & sure enough, it turned out he wasn't in his room but in our room tearing apart my piles of organization for the baby's corner.

Anyway, there was much yelling & crying from both of us yesterday. We did do a big trip to the grocery store, which was good except for the weirdos who decided to wait for my parking spot at the end of the trip. I understand not wanting to circle around for a spot but seriously, who on earth zeroes in on the 9-month pregnant woman with a toddler & an overflowing cart of food as the target? It wasn't even a good spot for heaven's sake (& remember that I know a good spot when I see one). I was confused so decided to test whether they were actually waiting for me to move on or just stopping there for no good reason while people kept passing them in a huff. I unloaded at regular speed, dragged my cart back to the cart thingy across the parking lot (I pride myself on always returning the carts like a good citizen), put Ben in his seat, even opened the trunk back up to tuck in a green bag strap that was hanging out, then buckled myself in, all at a non-rushed speed, then finally backed out. Sure enough, they zoomed into my spot!! I am still confused by all of this - they would have waited literally 5 minutes when there were plenty of other options opening up everywhere. Ah well, nothing about yesterday surprises me & I give them credit for not honking at me to hurry up - I avoided looking directly at them just in case I was getting dirty looks or eyerolls.

Ben has a new little quirk, which is cracking me up. He likes to mix & match his gumboots. He wears one blue-checked boot & one blue with silver stars boot instead of wearing a matching pair. I've always joked that my son is a mini-Brent. Brent is my older brother & I don't want to embarrass him but there was a good chunk of time in the heyday of Air Jordan hysteria where he insisted on wearing mismatched colors - one red, one black, whatever. This did pay off once when an airline lost his luggage & had to reimburse him for two pairs of the very expensive shoes instead of just one. Now I look at my son in his unmatched boots & wonder how on earth something like that is hereditary??? DNA is crazy.

I'm 37 weeks now, which is lovely because I'm officially full term so if Fonzarelli was born today he'd likely be just fine. Except that I'd give him a serious stink-eye for ruining all my c-section plans. You do not want your mother's stink-eye on the day of your birth, young man. Watch yourself. Physically I'm still feeling mighty fine - very tired, lots of hormonal/emotional outbursts, ridiculous amounts of cursing but very little pain & discomfort. If I were able to rest regularly throughout the day (oh, the nap fantasies I have had!) I could presumably handle this pregnancy for a lot longer. Again, major stink-eye would be passed around for ruining plans & my doctor wouldn't allow me to go past 40 weeks anyway thanks to my high-risk status so we'll just stick to the 28th, which is 2 weeks from today!

Okay, I should go shower & get ready to face this day. Ben didn't nap yesterday & has become a squirmy little shit master at getting out of my "fool-proof" rocking & relaxing method. He has obviously already outsmarted me, which makes me unhappy to say the least. I have no hope for a nap today because I lose my patience way too quickly so after my lack of sleep last night I realize I am in big trouble. I may have to resort to driving around & hoping to anything holy in this world that it makes him pass out but then my feet get puffy in the car & I want to sleep too but really don't want to sleep in the car because there is no dignity in that.

Anyway, hope you're having a very happy day. And hey, if you happen to know a very pregnant lady with a wild child don't judge her if she buys a box of Fruit Loops because she only has 2 weeks left & she needs whatever little joys she can get to survive that long.

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