06 December 2008

the prodigal penguin returns

Sorry for disappearing but I'm so sleepy I can't function. Pregnancy is weird and about 50% of the time I think it's the most terrible thing on earth. Now that the nausea has passed (famous last words), I am enjoying aspects of it. I'm still not a big eater most of the time and that is making me a bit sad. Okay, more than a bit sad. Marcel and I went walking around to some gorgeous little restaurants and delis near where he works and we were looking at foods that would normally make me giddy with delight but I felt nothing. I just stared at the food thinking "I know that would be so delicious ... but I just don't want to eat it." I was actually honestly teary-eyed when I got back into the car with an empty stomach. Of course, I've probably more than made up for that today because I've even nonstop and not one bit of it has been healthy. Poptarts, pop corn, popsicle (things that pop is one of my favourite food groups), french fries ... I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow to get healthy food.

So the fact that I have no love for food has depressed me beyond belief because I had hopes of eating everything in sight with no guilt because I'M PREGNANT. The other aggravation is my blasted baby brain. If the food thing makes me cry, the lack of brainpower makes me curse. I have to keep extensive lists at work or I'll forget what the hell I'm doing halfway through or I'll go upstairs to get two items and come back with only one. And I'll ask coworkers about something and they come back with a super obvious answer, I give them an embarassed look and they start laughing and say "It's just baby brain." Then I walk away cursing like a sailor. And angry, angry, pregnant sailor.

La bambina or bambino (if there's a masculine version of the word?) is now the size of a navel orange and is apparently quite the acrobat at the moment. It flips, it spins, it doesn't allow me to sleep in anymore. I still don't have much of a belly but I'm appreciating that at the moment because I know it's going to show up one day and it's going to terrify me. It's enough for Marcel & me to laugh at and to justify me buying one of those nice maxi dresses that Angelina Jolie wore throughout her pregnancies. I may not look pregnant outside of the dress but with that sucker on, I look like I'm expecting a whole mess of babies.

Okay, I saved the best for last just to test if you would actually read the whole thing. I felt the baby move. Yes, I did. I know it's early but I totally did. It was last week and I was sitting at my desk and felt the most bizarre fluttering in my belly. I quit what I was doing and thought to myself that it's exactly what people say baby moving feels like but I knew it couldn't actually be it because it's early. It lasted on & off for about an hour and I had convinced myself it was digestion or something. Then I got on the precious internet and the official medical pregnancy sites (not the crazy lady forum ones) and they said it does sometimes happen as early as 14 weeks but most of the time women just pass it off as digestion or gas and it feels just like butterfly fluttering. It's called "quickening" (don't you like how I treat you like you have no knowledge of such things?) and it's quite literally the baby flipping around. Bizarre, I say but very exciting. Now if it could just speak into my bellybutton and tell me what to name it and what food would make it happy and what colours it would prefer for its room, I'll be happy.

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