I don't think I can blame this on pregnancy, but I've been in a very weird mood recently. I've been in the mood to win something! Isn't that strange? I can't put my finger on what started it but I'm aggressively entering my witty comments on every giveaway on babyology.com.au to no avail. Maybe I'm not adorable enough? I refuse to stoop to rhyming if that's what it takes but I think I'm pretty darn clever & I know I haven't gone over the 25 word limit like some bozos. What gives?? I find myself searching for other competitions too but I'm not having any luck. I don't know how to feed this craving, I'm afraid. I can't force anyone to let me win something. Can I? Pregnancy guilt doesn't do a damn thing on babyology where everyone is expecting or has a new little someone to brag about. I have got to find some competition that I am capable of winning - help me people!
It's getting close to naptime in the house & I'm getting nervous. Ben has flat-out refused to nap the past two days, which drives me to a state of hysteria like you've never experienced. He may not need a nap but his mother sure does. I need to lie perfectly flat for at least an hour if that's okay, even if it's just reading a book or watching crap TV. Speaking of crap TV, why didn't anyone ever tell me that Perfect Strangers was on in the afternoon here? Why on earth would that show be on in this day & age? That's Marcel's favorite theme song of all time, though sometimes he gets confused & just starts singing the words "Perrrfectttt Straaaangers can make your dreams come true" to the Muppet Babies theme song tune. That may or may not be why I married him.
So yes, Ben is no longer napping, he is no longer eating much at all, he's not putting much effort into talking or listening to me or mowing the lawn or whatever else almost 2 year olds should be doing. Therefore, I am obviously feeling like the most competent mother ever. I have taught him the word "chippy" finally so he can harass me for practically the only food he's willing to eat. Thankfully chippies (aka hot chips, aka french fries) are ever so healthy so we have nothing to worry about. Also, technically he pronounces it "pippy" so maybe that should be a fail but he uses such a perky inflection that it brings it back to the win column.
I know it's not healthy or helpful to compare your child to other children or to compare yourself to other mothers, but heavens almighty it's impossible not to. I look at all you useful members of society cooking meals, going out with friends & family, cleaning your house, not to mention those of you who have JOBS & your kids eat, sleep & recite Shakespeare's sonnets by heart. My son just stood on his two puzzles, immediately slipped, fell off & broke a blade off of his wooden helicopter. And now he's trying to eat the wooden blade - that's right, my deliciously yummy banana pancakes are a no-go but he will chomp on wooden toys. Ah well, I keep reminding myself that he's just an independent spirit & that untamed brain of his will probably find the cure for cancer, put an end to world hunger or at least help me write creative enough comments to win a damn baby sling or decoration on babyology!! And as much as I complain, I love the boy just as he is & will delight in reminding him how much of a headache he was when he's older ... in prison, where he has no choice but to sit & listen to me ramble because he's so desperate for visitors.
Okay, I'm off to attempt to put the boy to bed. After I put a onesie on him so he can't pull off his diaper & pee in bed, which is still his favorite hobby. I'm sure Gandhi's mother had similar problems.