23 May 2011

I can't believe I wrote this much about a stranger's love life

Today has been one running example of why I am bound to scoop all nominations for Mother of the Year this year. First, I actually let us run out of diapers ... completely. That's right, I'm very good. So off we went to the mall to get some. Managed to sink another $25 at Borders, which better close its freaking doors already so I stop buying little cute notebooks (3 more today)(but everything is 70% off so it would be a crime to not buy them) & other crap. Loaded up on the essentials at Big W & headed back home. Ben fell asleep in the car & as usual I did not manage to get him into bed without waking him up. I think I have managed this feat maybe twice in his two years on this planet - either he is too sensitive to the noises & bumps of being moved or I am a disaster.

So I decided to be nice & get him a bottle of milk instead of water for him to settle himself back down to sleep. Usually this takes a bloody long time so I settled in for a wait. My mom called, we chatted, I emailed a friend, all while Ben was hootin' & hollerin' (these are good things). Finally I give in to go check on him, give him the old shush, etc. Goodness gracious, the boy had puked his fool head off all over his crib. First of all, when did this happen? I never heard anything but good times going on in there! So his bedding went to the washing machine, he went to the bath, cleansing is all around. I am currently posting from my guilty mother perch beside the bathtub where he still seems like the happiest toddler around so I'm not sure if he just laughed so hard he puked (it could happen) or if I should actually worry. These are thoughts that only the best mothers have, by the way.

And we're back! Ben is now clean, bundled up in comfy clothes & playing like a champion in his room. Yes, I gave up on the nap & am concentrating on cleaning his pukey sheets so that I can wash my own sheets that were waiting patiently for their turn with the spin cycle. I don't know why I tell you about my cleaning woes - it's never exciting.

Hey, are you ready to feel old? No? Welllll, are you ready to read about me feeling old? That's more like it! So guess who this lovely lady is ... seriously guess. You'll never guess.
photo from people.com
No guesses? I don't actually expect you to recognize her since I sure didn't but this is Bono's daughter, Eve Hewson. Bono has a 19 year old daughter, people. And she isn't even his oldest! Eve's real first name is Memphis, which is the name we wanted if we were to have a girl. I saw young Memphis Eve & her older sister Jordan, along with their mama (Bono's wife of 28 years, Ali)(28 years. I had no idea what I was up against as a lovestruck teenager) when we stayed at the same hotel. Where was that? Memphis. I was 17 at the time & I'm garble garble garble now so that was 14 years ago. Memphis Eve was 5. Now she's 19 & walking the red carpet at Cannes for a movie she's in with Sean Penn. I am old.

I am also not in a movie with Sean Penn for the record.

What else? Oh yes, I've gone & dyed my hair again. Yes, I did just get it done professionally a few weeks ago but the color had already faded so much. To be fair, the stylist & I did decide together to do a semi-permanent color just in case I decided I hated the red but it's faded super fast. Granted, pregnancy does bizarro things to hair coloring as well so I am trying my best not to blame anyone. But I paid a freaking fortune for my cut & color this time. No, really, a FORTUNE. I have no problem paying a pretty penny to get my hair done but this was officially the most I have EVER paid for hair doing, plus $60 worth of fancy awesome smelling products. So basically I can't afford to ever go back & I'm a tad bitter that I paid so much for something that didn't last long & the cut wasn't awesome but only because I had just gotten the old Rachel cut a few weeks before that & you can't combat the Rachel - you just have to let those layers grow out. Ugh. My bangs/fringe are also in desperate need of trimming. I like them long so I have to get them trimmed often. I'm tempted to do them myself as well but that's not a good idea, is it? Seriously, I can afford the $10 for a fringe trim so I'm just going to get rid of that crazy idea.

Anyway, back to my own color. It looks good but again, it's not permanent. I'm okay with non-permanent color when it costs $14 at the grocery store & it looks damn good if I say so myself. Now that I have solid color I am okay with handling my own color & the bonus is it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. I am all about accomplishing such things while I'm in my early nesting stages! I can't remember the brand of color I used but I distinctly remember the shade because it was obviously specifically made for us indecisive Libras who keep thinking, "hmmmm, maybe brown? maybe red? but I like the glow of blonde." So I settled on Golden Mahogany Brown. Once I got it home, I noticed the glowing recommendation that it was also the choice of Bar Rafaeli. So exciting that I now have hair color that has been approved by someone who was just dumped by Leonardo DiCaprio. Is there any greater honor to have upon my head?

Ya know, while we're on the subject I'm just going to keep going about Leo. I get that he loves the long-legged, buxom blondes (wait, did Bar even ever have red hair? Why did she like my Golden Mahogany Brown if she's never had such a color?) & I'm even willing to forget the fact that he spent years with my arch-nemesis. He has a type.

So while She Who Shall Not be Named may not be my favorite person, at least she is a super model & quite literally the top of her profession. She also has good taste in boy's names but that's about enough of the compliments here. The point is they are both giants of their industries & top talents so suit each other.

And Bar Rafaeli is an Israeli swimsuit model, which I'm pretty sure is code for "elite assassin." I have nothing to base that on but really her name is too awesome. Also, she obviously enjoys popcorn as seen above so I might invite her to join Ava Jackman & myself in our Club of Fun Ladies (we're working on the name). Need reminder of Ava, by the way? 

I love her.

Anyway, back to Leonardo. Last I hear from my top secret sources (aka the internet), now that he's single he's flirting around with Blake Lively from Gossip Girl. Ugh, Leo, U-G-H. Nothing against Blake - she's got the bosoms, the legs, the hair but she's not the top of her game like Gisele & there is slim to no chance she's a covert elite assassin like Bar so I'm thinking that Leo can do better. Nay, he must do better. We deserve better from you, Mr. DiCaprio! 

I get that he wants to play coy & not just give the world what it wants by getting together with Kate Winslet now that she's single as well but I think he needs to be aiming for an Oscar nominee at least if he's dating actresses now. Again no offense to the lovely Blake but being scooped up by Karl Lagerfeld to be the face of Chanel has not made you A-List so stop tainting the most A of the A-List bachelors. And while I'm at it, who at the Academy should I be abusing for not giving the man his own Oscar by now?

Anyway, I am working on who Leo should be dating but it's difficult. If something were to happen to Brad & Angelina, I could see him with her. On the other hand, I don't see him jumping on board with six children but he needs someone up there. I'll keep thinking on this issue & get back to you.

After re-reading this, I am bookmarking this blog so that when I decide to go back to work one day & people start asking why I can direct them here. I need to find better ways to use my brain, I'm afraid. Also, after watching Salt this weekend Angelina needs to eat a cheeseburger or fifteen. I also want to slap whoever made her wigs for that film. I could have done a better job with my $14 box of indecisive hair dye.

So there. You enjoy the rest of your day & if you have any tips for who Leo should be dating, please let me know so I can sleep soundly again & stop the constant worry. Is Sandra Bullock to old for him? Nah, that wouldn't work. So much thinking to do, so much.


  1. Well what a day you and your hair have had! I too hate it when the salon effect/affect (I can never remember which one to use when) wears off way too soon and takes our hard earned $ with it! Was hoping to find a pic of your old and new hair posted but alas nothing :( As far as the subject of Leo is concerned, what about Cheryl Cole? You mark my words, she is going to be the next big thing in the US. Maybe. Well I thing she's fab. Nicx