08 March 2010

The Ashley Experience ... just like you were with me.

Watching the Oscars alone at the moment while Oma & Opa have taken Ben for a quick run to Terrigal so I will share my commentary with you instead. Debbie made an apple strudel & it smells like heaven so I figure blogging is a good idea - idle hands & all that. Please note I have started a little late in the proceedings.

* Cameron Diaz is hot.

* Just cackled way too loud at Steve Martin & Alec Baldwin introducing Miley & that Seyfried girl whose first name I can't remember not knowing who they are. I think the cackling was just pure joy that they're showing the Oscars live here & both Steve & Alec are in my top ten favorite actors of all time. If Alec had joined the cast of Three Amigos I would died happily at a very early age.

* Am I crazy or is Miley Cyrus quite beautiful? Why have I never noticed this before? Always assumed I should not like her but maybe I'm wrong? I'm still not crazy about Seyfried but have only seen her in Big Love, which makes me nervous & Mamma Mia & I was having contractions through that so haaaated it & its damn perkiness.

* In a wonderful weird world Tina Fey & Robert Downey Jr. would have a daughter & Ben would marry her. I want to spend holidays with them.

* Do you guys hear the weird talking in the "quiet" cuts during the ceremony? I think Australia is somehow patched in to some lackey's headset.

* Shit, these people are going to make me watch The Breakfast Club ... again. And every time I see a single moment of Home Alone, I crave cheese pizza.

* Up was one of the best movies I've seen in years! Nevermind that I've seen like 4 movies this year.

* Watch your back Carey Mulligan, I'm coming for your hair.

* Ummm, what just happened with Prudence? I realise that woman won too but she just knocked dude out of the way & was enjoying his sweet speech.

Everyone's back & now feeding Benny so pecking with my left hand. No good typing with one finger.

* Okay, Ben Stiller making me giggle but now needs to go.

* Very cool to see Jesse James on the front row of the Oscars - Brent will be proud.

* I don't find Jake Gyllenhaal attractive for some odd reason - I get that he's got all the right requirements but it doesn't work for me. Rachel McAdams more than makes up for it.

* I want Precious to win everything. I can never watch it because I would boo hoo too much. I'm about to boo hoo now.

* I want a wall of lampshades please.

* I also want Mo'nique's hair & hair flower. Stunning.

* Have you seen An Education? Looks pretty good.

* It appears that Tom Ford may need glasses, squinting ain't good. I imagine they would be fabulous but masculine. And someone please fix Keanu Reeves' patchy beard.

* That hotel sleep montage was our place last night. On an unrelated note, baby for sale!

* Is Jaws horror? Then I guess I like one horror movie. All others ruin my sleep for days.

* Oh Zac Efron, you are beautiful! If science could mix your pretty face with Morgan Freeman's voice, the world would be a magic place. Yes creepy but still magic.

* Okay now I finally want to see Inglourious Basterds. I am a bit behind the times this year.

* Why would they not show clips of the cinematography nominees? And why won't Sandra Bullock return my phone calls? BFF possibilities, lady!

* Just about to comment on the beauty of Demi's dress when she sneak attacked me with James Taylor. Lordy, I miss Patrick Swayze.

* MAJOR NEWS: Benny is holding on to the TV cabinet (just woke up) & is dancing along with the whatever this dancing portion of the show is. I was in the kitchen getting apple strudel & missed the introduction but Jennifer Lopez looked caliente! I still think Sam Worthington seems a bit of a turd regardless of his Aussie blokeness. Does The Hurt Locker really feature popping & locking or is that artistic license I see?

* Gerard Butler & Bradley Cooper is a jerk sandwich in my opinion. I base this on NOTHING but they both look like jerks to me. I hope I'm wrong. And did James Cameron require everyone who worked on his movie to call him a genius in thank yous? I know for a fact that he's a jerk - personal experience from many moons ago (well, okay, client of a client of a client).

* Oooooh, the show is redeemed from jerkdom by the mere presence of Jason Bateman.

Strudel was amazing & Ben is back on the boob. I think he would feed all day off of his mommy trough if I could physically stand it. On a side note, just saw an online picture of Victoria Beckham in sweat pants & flip flops going to see a movie. That miniscule change in the earth's axis must be responsible.

* Hellloooo Matt Damon!

* Alec + Steve + slanket = joy

* Seriously someone please convince Keanu to either shave or add some fake fur to that patchy mess. Otherwise, Ted still works for me. Excellent! *screechy guitar noises*

Okay, Ben had a major meltdown so I'm just now back for the best actress.

*My mom loooves Stanley Tucci she told me recently. I thought this was interesting for some odd reason. I love Sean Penn, the grouch. So handsome in that ... HA HA HAHA!! I love Sandra Bullock just pulled that kiss away from Meryl Streep. *sigh* Now she's never going to call me back. But seriously Sandra, let's grab all the other best actress nominees & go to Olive Garden! Carey Mulligan will tell me that her hair would look better on me & Gabby & I would just roll our eyes at how cool it is to hang out with Helen Mirren & Meryl Streep. Then I would eat my salad & eggplant parmesan & all would be good.

Now Ben is still melting down after his bad night last night. (sidenote: where did Barbra come from??) We know it's bad when he is crying with Opa who he adores a little too much for my taste. Jealous much, Ashley?

Yay Hurt Locker. Again, I will never watch it but I respect its awesomeness.

In case this was all too much for you, here's you Moment of Ben Zen:

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