welcome to the pity party

I am exhausted. Yeah, I know all parents are exhausted so I'm not looking for sympathy. Just venting a bit. Ben woke us up about 5 or 6 times last night with his crying. He doesn't actually wake up, just starts wailing in his sleep. I don't know what it's from - he got a new tooth on Christmas so it could be that but he's also got a bad case of diaper rash so maybe it's that or it could be his tummy issues (had a lot of gas and very wet poops the past couple of days)(which has probably caused the diaper rash). I'm at a loss. He settles immediately when I put a boob in his mouth but I still have to wake up and move around so I'm just wasted this morning. I'm blogging at 6.50am so you can tell I've given up on trying to sleep!

And I know it can't be good to just give him the boob all bloody night. Now that he has teeth, I've heard that milk left standing in his mouth can actually rot those little teeth! So the one freaking thing that helps him is actually hurting him in the long run, of course. Nothing can be easy.

He still won't eat. I'm going to try giving him very small chunks of steamed veggies to see if he'll feed himself finger foods. Apparently some babies won't accept anything that they don't feed themselves. That sounds like my stubborn son, doesn't it?

I think I need a break today. I love that boy more than life itself and love spending time with him but I'm about to scream. I can't look at this messy apartment for another day but there's no time to clean it with his micro naps - it seems I always have to choose between bathing or cleaning the kitchen, washing my hair or shaving my legs, eating something or putting away laundry. It just doesn't really end, does it? And I know you're telling me to eat & bathe and do things for myself but then I end up living in squalor and I can't handle it. Right now I have greasy hair and am surrounded by piles of crap that just needs to be put back where it belongs, the kitchen has a rack of clean dishes but twice as many dirty ones waiting to be done and  I have a few loads of laundry that are begging to be put away but there's just no room for them in our tiny closet and I don't have time to reorganize that, though I have plenty of things I need to get rid of seeing as I can't fit my fat ass in my clothes anymore. Sorry, I'm obviously on a 'woe is me' tirade but I'm really, really run ragged and I may as well complain.

pasty begone

I got a spray tan this morning. I saw no downside to this plan - cover up the dimples, veins and marks that magically appeared with my bundle of joy. I don't know why I don't think these plans through. The process itself was fast, easy & fantastic. I have no problem being topless in front of a strange woman for some reason so I decided to eliminate the bra tan lines and do it that way. Now, I brought Ben with me and could physically see him from where I was getting this spray tan and the tan lady and I were discussing our kids so I'm not sure how at no point in this 5 minutes did it dawn on me that my boy would need access to these soon-to-be-brown boobs. I walked out with my instructions for no water to touch me for 8 hours, no problem. Got home and was ready to go feed my boy and hmmmmm ... I suppose he probably shouldn't have to eat tanning spray. For what it's worth, it's all natural but still.

So I broke the golden rule and lathered up a wash cloth and started scrubbing my breasts. All good, have a clean palate for my son but got a few drops of water on my thighs (sidenote: I was paranoid of rubbing off tanning solution so opted to stay in my bikini bottoms as any moron would do) so now I have lovely tanned legs with 4 or 5 white streaks down the top. Fair enough, I really just wanted tanned shins anyway so I can wear my skirts/dresses.

Off to feed I went with a towel under me (again, still paranoid of this tanning solution getting everywhere). Ben happily chugging down his milk and now I realise it's not just the center of my boobs he needs access to because he leans on me obviously and I'm also terrified that I didn't scrub enough off. So I have visions of him looking up at the end of the feed with a lovely 5 o'clock shadow. He fell asleep so I put him down and kept coming back to hover over him to see if he had tan marks on his face but all looked okay. Hovering must have woken him up so he started crying and we went back to the rocker where I fed him on the other side. Not because he had drained the first side, mind you, just so in case he turns out with his own spray tan it would at least be even. Marcel is going to kill me.

Anyway, that's the latest adventure in the land of the terrible mother. I'll post pictures if I turn out any comically unnatural colours!

worst mother ever

What? Now who is that baby sleeping in his crib. Surely not Benjamin Hewson Eisele. Can't be. Why would he be napping there instead of the lovely queen size bed he usually enjoys? Could it be because he has the world's worst mother who is now not only not in the running to be Mother of the Year but it lucky the authorities aren't taking away him away from her?

He fell out of the bed today ... again. The first time was 2 weeks ago and he took a pillow down with him and landed softly because I found him happy as a lark on his pillow on the ground. Today was not so joyous. He was sound asleep so I decided I needed a bath, which would be a bonus because the shower tends to wake him up. And don't I deserve a bath once in a while? The parenting books/websites all say to take a break when you need one and he is usually quite safe in the bed with his little gate and pillow fortress. But I knew better, I really did and when I heard that thump and jumped out of the bath I only had myself to blame. And blame I do. He cried so hard it broke my heart, then I cried so hard that he just stared at me with the serious little face that I remember from his earliest days. The face that was just regarding me, trying to decide what to do with me. I hope he decides to keep me around this time.

He is fine. I poked and prodded and nothing is broken or sensitive. He spit up when he choked on his tears (it kills me to even type that) but otherwise all okay. He settled down fairly quickly and the red spot on his forehead (almost exactly where I have a bruise growing from my car incident yesterday!)  has already faded. I held him and rocked him and let him comfort feed until he was sleeping soundly again then put him in his crib where he will sleep from now on unless one of us is with him. I'll keep you posted on how this goes but I hear him whining now after about 45 minutes so I'm going to go spoil him rotten.

Sit down & read

I always regret when I write something overly positive and exciting because it usually backfires somehow or things suddenly go terribly wrong. Weird. So I'm putting this out there while throwing salt over my shoulder and knocking on wood and all that other crap: My son makes me happier & happier every day. I know I've complained about his teething and how hard it's been having him by myself this week but he is still the most delightful thing on earth. He must have snuck up & read that over my shoulder and quickly ducked back to the floor because he's just now started crying. Silly boy & his stupid teeth. LEAVE HIM ALONE, TEETH!

He's been happily watching a bit of TV today, which makes me happy. And don't you give me the evil eye - let's face it, we are a TV family (we both have made careers out of it for goodness sake) so it was bound to happen. And he watched a whole episode of Yo Gabba Gabba with guest star Jack Black and that makes my soul bounce up & down because I love dancing, music & all around goofiness and have secretly prayed that Ben will follow my influence on that one. And if you give me a speech about the evils of TV, I will nod as if I'm listening to you but I will probably actually be making fun of your dated hairdo or those ill-fitting pants. Do you really want to be the victim of such cattiness?

And you know what's funny? One of these shows where they have a goofy guy and an animal hosting the cartoon segments - in this case, they're called Giggle & Hoot - and they were just talking up the cartoon they're about to show. And the owl (Hoot if you couldn't guess that one)(though I don't understand why they'd name the guy Giggle, creepy) just said "It's going to be good so you better sit down & watch." It was in a very authoritative voice, which I actually appreciate. Something tells me that one day I will tell Ben to sit down & watch something & he'll ignore me. BUT if an adorable stuffed owl tells him to do it, maybe he will. Maybe.

Here's the boy watching a bit of the boob tube:

Finished Christmas shopping today (unless something else exciting catches my eye or any of the things I ordered online decide not to show up!). I used to love shopping but now suddenly I hate it. And do you know what's worse than navigating around all the mothers and their prams/strollers in the mall? I'll tell you what - it's actually being one of those mothers with the pram! I have stopped making eye contact people so I feel less guilty when I am forced to plow over you because you're dawdling in the middle of the aisle or hallway. It is hard to get around the mall with a little one and mine's a very well-behaved one. But heaven forbid he cries for half a second, people immediately whip around to stare at the devil child and his terrible mother who must be poking him with a sharp stick or something just to ruin their shopping trip. Trust me people, your shopping trip would suck even without Ben's crying. And he's probably only crying because of your dated hairdo or ill-fitting pants. Oops, I said it.

AND just to make my shopping trip all the more exciting, I started the adventure by smacking my head on my trunk/boot door as I was opening to get the pram/stroller out. Now I've got a lump and a bruise on my forehead (luckily hidden under my bangs/fringe)(wow, so many US/Aussie terms today). So as my headache got worse & worse throughout the mall, I had basically convinced myself I had a concussion. At least that would explain how I managed to ram the pram into a decorative column in Myer, which earned me dirty looks from a cosmetic lady who was wearing way too much of her product. I looked down & thought to myself "Oh, at least it was already damaged." Then as I rolled away I realised it probably wasn't damaged BEFORE I rammed into it. I strolled much more quickly before Tammy Faye reported me!

Okay, I'm off to feed my son and get his booty to sleep. Hmmmm, I might wipe the ketchup off of my boob first. I ate fries like an hour ago - have I been sitting here with ketchup on my boob that long? The concussion must be stronger than I thought.

Toothy

Goodness gracious, what a difference a few days make. The wonderful boy is deep in the heart of teething. I realise teething has a bad reputation but I still never put much thought into so I was a little shocked by the torture that has taken over our lives! My poor beautiful Benny is not enjoying the pain - he's not much of  a crier in normal life so when he wakes up sobbing and wailing it really kills me. I've never done so much rocking, comforting & soothing in my whole life. I also have the joy of filling him with pain medicines, which usually comes right back up after it hits his sensitive gag reflex, trying to Bonjela onto his little gums & melting teething tablets on his tongue. His first tooth has come through and there's a second one just below the surface. I look forward to the days where we can all sleep peacefully again!

My lovely husband is hiking in New Zealand at the moment so it's just me & boy wonder at the moment. I realise this is short term so someone should honestly smack me for even saying this but how on earth do you single parents do this??? It's so hard to not have anyone else to depend on or to hand the booger off to when I'm overwhelmed. Oh well, 5 days ain't gonna kill me.

Hey I went on a nice healthy shopping trip. We have a new fruit & veggie shop so I decided to go a little nuts so I had a great dinner of breaded eggplant with a side of tomato, boccoccini & red onion salad with a touch of red wine vinegar. If my gorgeous mother in law is reading this she will realise that I totally ripped off one of the meals she fed us when she was over here! I love, love, love it. I also bought some beets. BEETS, people. A friend of ours made us some roasted beets last year sometime and I've been dreaming of them ever since so finally broke down and bought some - I'll let you know how I go with them! I'm on a veggie high my friend and I hope it lasts! Now I just need to get my ass back out walking.

Ben is hyper now. He took an unusually looong late nap, just waking up at 6.30pm so something tells me we'll be partying late into the night tonight. Yahoo for me. It took almost 3 HOURS to get him to stay asleep last night. He kept going to sleep then waking himself back up, driving me up the wall! He woke up twice with his blessed teeth but it's better than the night before when he fell asleep right away at 7pm then woke up almost every hour or two. I have no high expectations for tonight.

Wish I had other exciting things to report but I don't. My poor brain ain't functioning properly during this crazy week. Doing well with Christmas shopping, just need to pick up two more things I think. Now if only all the things I ordered online would arrive!! Yikes.

Well this was another blog worth reading, huh? Ha! Now I'm off to play with the boy who is crawling around in his scuttlebutt way. He can also now reach the second shelf of our bookshelf so I need to go move a few knick knacks. Oh too late, he just dropped something on his face. No good. Anyway, if you happen to be a ranger in New Zealand's Arthurs Pass tell my husband hi for me and tell him to enjoy himself because he is never allowed to leave me alone with the child again!

blah

It's been a while but I've had no inspiration to write anything. I've been blah. Not depressed, no post partum whatever, just down. Can't put my finger on a reason. I'm happy about the holidays, love my husband and my baby, have a lot to look forward to but I guess that's why they call it the blues (sorry, just turned into Elton John for a moment).

Ben is moments, minutes, days away from crawling. He's always up on his hands, knees & toes trying his best. He knows exactly what to do but can't get his legs and arms to cooperate at the same time. It's funny because every time he tries for a while, he starts this weird little nervous laughter like he doesn't want us to think he's trying to hard. Adorable. After several minutes of trying he starts getting fussy, then eventually that bottom lip comes out and he starts wailing. Poor thing wears himself out and just wants to get moving!

I think his first tooth/teeth are also just around the corner. He has two little tooth outlines on his bottom gum and he sobs a couple times a night - never actually wakes himself up. It breaks my heart but then I'm exhaaaaausted in the morning. I realise that a lot of moms have had babies waking them up for a long time so I shouldn't complain and the boy is precious as ever. It's just a weird feeling because I'm super sleepy then I think "Oh well, I'll just take a nap later." Oh wait, never mind, can't nap. I can't nap when he does because that's the only time I can accomplish anything and the few times I do nap at the same time I usually fall asleep right as he decides to wake up early and then I'm worse than when I started.

Anyhoo, there you go. Ben is just waking up from a nap as we speak and he's crying so I'm off to be super mom!

Cornucopia of awesome

I've got a little bit more to be thankful for this year than in year's past, wouldn't you say? On top of the old standbys of health, happiness and a beautiful view I can add a certain little chubber wubber to my reasons to give thanks.

Thanksgiving is by far my favourite holiday and the time of year I miss my giant family clan the most because they can give thanks like no one else! The excess of food, laughter, making fun of each other, arguing over games and my dad telling us to shut up so they can hear the game. Ahhhhh, it makes the heart happy.

Luckily we've roped friends into coming over with their gorgeous daughter (one of Ben's possible future partners) so I'm excited and we're stocking up and starting to get everything ready. We intend to stuff ourselves silly and I can't wait. I may have to move my walking up to an hour every day next week to recover because I am going to do this holiday as it was intended.

Anyway, back to the gracious stuff. While I miss my family (Moore & Eiselse) every single day I am incredibly grateful that we live in the age of mobile phones, email, Facebook and Skype so I can stay in touch and they can watch they're growing grandson live and on screen. I am thankful that we are currently stable in a time that doesn't guarantee stability. I am thankful for my joyful friends with their growing bellies, babies, businesses, etc - I delight in every bit of it along with them.

But most of all I am thankful for the two gentlemen that make my heart fuller than my belly could ever be, even after the Thanksgiving feast:

I love them so much, even when they're hogging the bed. I love you too by the way and hope you have a fantastic Thanksgiving surrounded by friends, family and food or in your pj's with the TV avoiding friends, family & food!

#2

What? Two blogs in one day? Did someone's wildest dreams just come true? Yeah.

Anyway, I've just been reading facebook updates and emails and I had to sit down and put into writing how happy I am with all the new families out there. I get so excited to see all the pictures of growing bellies, then growing babies and hearing the funny stories and exchanging ideas of how to get those growing babies to sleep and eat properly. One friend is having contractions as we speak with her second baby and it just makes me smile to think of goofy immature us back in high school, taking life skills class and carrying bags of flour around to learn about taking care of babies. Ben's better than a bag of flour ... although we did get to make cookies out of that flour at the end of the experiment. Hmmmm.

One of my favourite parts of motherhood so far is seeing Ben's little quirks and putting them together from his behaviour in the womb. For instance, remember how I always blogged about the pain in my ribs because he kept his feet perched up there ALL THE BLOODY TIME? The boy still insists on keeping his feet up on things when he's laying around - kicks off the covers so he can prop his feet up on them instead. It's really cute that it's just part of who he is and has been since the very beginning. He also can't resist wrapping himself up in things - blankets, towels, cords, anything that is able to wrap around himself he loves. This one keeps me on my toes of course and reminds me of a certain other cord he managed to get wrapped around himself that prevented him from coming down the birthing canal. So every time I organise my phone and computer cords so he can't reach them or unwind a blanket from his smiling face I find myself thinking "See, this is why I had to have an emergency c-section."

So there, if you're expecting a baby you have much to look forward to and best of luck. Enjoy every second of it! And if you're already raising your little ones please remember the very important lesson that the worst experiences usually make the best stories later.

Not so manic Monday

Let me tell you about my favourite time of the day in our household. When we wake up, it's usually me first then Ben shortly after me. He usually stirs, rolls over for a quick feed then his eyes pop open. Sometimes he smiles at me, sometimes he doesn't but we have enough bonding time that I'm not threatened. Then he immediately rolls over to Marcel's side of the bed and reeeeeaches to pet him. It is the sweetest thing - he just wants to grab Daddy's arm or pull an ear or stroke his chest hair gently. I'm sure Marcel would appreciate a few more minutes of sleep but I can't imagine there's a more beautiful way to wake up than having little Benny getting a hold of him.

Feeding him solids is going okay. Just okay. Still doesn't enjoy it in the least and makes the most dramatic faces known to man. I thought adding banana to the rice cereal would help but I was wrong. We got him a high chair from IKEA on Friday and that has been a tremendous success, he actually sits up in it really well and loves banging on it. We used a little tricky psychology on him yesterday, giving him the spoon to feed himself as much as he wanted - he actually got some food in his own mouth, shockingly, then let me feed him more than usual. Interesting, I guess when you trust him he gives you a little back.

We're taking bets on when Ben will start crawling. He's getting up on his hands and knees and rocking a lot now so I think we've got a week or two at the most but I have not based that on anything so I'm probably way off. He's a strong little sucker and I'm a little scared of having to keep up with him once he gets moving. Rolling has been hard enough but at least a pillow fortress can hold him in now. How the hell am I going to shower when he's a crawler? Our pipes make the most awful noise you'll ever hear when we turn the shower on so I can't really use it while he naps. Must call the management company again to get someone to look at it.

He's not such a happy boy today even after a nap so I better go entertain him before my head explodes from the whiny noises. After a weekend of extremely high temperatures, it's downright pleasant today so we'll be back on track for walking!

freedom has a scent like the top of newborn baby's head

I am a tired lady. It was hard getting Ben down to sleep last night - very whingy so was either having tummy pains (thanks to his irregular pooping) or he truly is in teething mode. I guess there could be a gazillion other reasons for a baby to be cranky but he's usually not so I assume it must be something biggish.

So yesterday when I was walking and listening to my music - on a low volume so I can listen for any Ben noises and any cars approaching - I realised I was listening to my labour music mix. Did I use music while in labour? Heck no, I didn't. I remember a midwife offering to get the iPod dock for me and me thinking that I would never enjoy any of those songs again if I had to hear them while contracting. I spent a considerable amount of time creating my labour mixes, "Labour Up" for when I needed up tempo encouragement (Born to Run, Lemon, Nutbush City Limits, etc) and "Labour Down" for soothing (lots of Josh Pyke basically & Miracle Drug by U2, my official newborn song). Turns out Labour Up is good workout music so at least it wasn't a total waste of time.

I've started on Christmas presents for Benny boy and let me tell you, I am loving it. So many beautiful toys and all around fun stuff. So far I've only bought two things but I'm terrified that his first Christmas is going to be ridiculously over the top. Must restrain myself. Check out these Rockin' Blocks from beebles on etsy - http://www.etsy.com/shop/beebles:

I'm in love with these things! I also picked up a penguin bath toy - it's a mother penguin with a baby on her back that are magnetised or something so when you pull them apart in the bath they swim back to each other. How perfect is that? And why in Thor's name does my font change every time I add a picture?? Makes me want to scream.

In completely unrelated news (dear heavens, my font is back), I forced my sweet husband to watch Dirty Dancing with me over the weekend. I didn't realise I could feel so much heartache for someone I never knew but Patrick Swayze played a delightful role in my development as a young lady. I think his would have been the first bare man ass I ever saw too, God bless him. Anyway that movie has held up incredibly well over 20 years and still makes me as happy as it did when I saw it in the theater when I was 10 years old. I'll never forget you Mr. Swayze so may your beautiful dancing self rest in peace.

Watching it started a hilarious conversation with Marcel because I'm always shock shock shocked that he hasn't seen all the 80s movies I grew up on. I forget he spent many of his formative years in the jungles of Papua New Guinea with his family. And he pointed out that his mom thought Dirty Dancing was evil! Follow me here because I will come back, but back in the day my parents used to tell me that I should marry a fellow Seventh Day Adventist and always thought they were bonkers because it didn't matter to me whether Bono was Adventist or not, our marriage would be built on true love and hanging out with Edge. Now I get it - every now & then it pays to have someone who has the same growing up experiences as you. When Marcel hands me his mom hating the thought of Dirty Dancing, I can give him the joy of my mother finding a heavy metal tape of my brother's and throwing it out the car window. This will never fail to make me smile. Literally every time she found one of his tapes in the car it went straight out the window. Not sure if he didn't realise what was going on or just didn't figure out not to leave his tapes in the car but the town of Greeneville, Tennessee must be positively littered with his Ozzy Osbourne and Megadeth library. I wonder if some of those SDA conservative roots will ever pop up in me now that I'm a mother. If nothing else, Ben will learn to salivate at the word "haystacks" just like the rest of us good Sabbath keepers.

no Hemingway

I have to tell you about Ben's weirdest habit. He likes to cover his face and kick his legs - hard to describe but I think he likes being a bit breathless. Marcel takes him "spelunking" sometimes, which is just pulling the covers over their heads and Ben goes nuts kicking his legs and cackling like a crazy man. Hilarious. And I think he's just trying to recreate that all the time with whatever he can find. I'll glance over and he'll have a teddy bear balanced on his face with his legs and arms flailing or he'll pull up the edge of a blanket he's on. It terrifies me a little bit but it's also pretty amusing. I put a video up on Facebook if you want to see what I mean. Little weirdo.

I'm not feeling so neurotic about my mother choices these days. I found a very clear and easy way to come to terms with it. I was rocking Ben and feeding him the other night and those nagging thoughts started again that I was going to regret it when he's older. Then my common sense kicked in and I realised that there is no way in hell I will ever regret a single second of my time holding him. If he turns into a troublesome youth because of over-rocking then at least I'll have the most beautiful memories of holding him while he was a baby. I wouldn't trade that for all the well-trained sleeping babies in the world.

All else is going well. He does not care for the taste of his rice cereal and he makes faces that rival my own sour reactions to bad tastes (you don't want to see me gag on cough syrup) but if I enthusiastically cheer "Yay!" after every bite he yells back and laughs hysterically so we'll get through it. We've also turned his carseat around to face the front, which I love because I can see him in the mirror better and he can watch the world a little more. He's always staring at us now when we turn around to look at him and it cracks me up - a whole new window on life for the little guy I guess.

I'm doing okay with my walking, have done 4 or 5 days now I think. Maybe 3 or 4. I don't know. Anyway, Marcel walked with us yesterday and I managed to go again today. I'm just planning on going every day or at least every week day then try to do at least one active thing on the weekends as well. I have to get more energy because I just know Mr. Benjamin is going to be a handful when he's older and can get around on his own.

My goodness, this blog just turned into the single most exciting bit of literature on earth didn't it? How do you stand reading this crap? I always think of delightful things that I want to write about but by the time I actually open up my laptop all that comes out are these dregs. I need to keep a notebook handy but that seems like it would be taking myself too seriously. We'll see.

no poop fit to scoop

Oh so much joy in life today - supposed to be a scorcher outside but the sea breeze is so strong and cool that I actually have a sweater on in my apartment. I have also discovered the joy of jibjab (apologies again because I will be making many obnoxious videos) and here's one to share of my boy & me:

Nothing too new to report. Didn't walk today because of my fear of the weather and the boy is having a weird sleep day. (Sidenote: did my font just change? Odd.) Normally Ben has two good naps in the morning, about an hour each, but today he had one morning nap of about 30 minutes and it was in my lap because he refused to sleep while being rocked and any of the normal routine. He went down for a good hour and 1/2 this afternoon instead. I know this is less than fascinating for you but it's like gorilla research for me! Just trying to figure out what makes this little mammal tick. He's so freaking cute so that makes help it more interesting as well.

Hmmmmm ... nothing else going on actually so no need to blog. Didn't start him on solids after all because Marcel wants to be there for it as you can imagine. We'll video it so you can be there for the excitement too, of course. Aaahhhhhh, nope nothing else. So just have a happy day and here's your Thursday Benjamin:

group therapy

For your daily Benjamin, here he is 5 minutes before us leaving for mother's group. I knew that no matter what happened today he would find a way to fall asleep when we needed to leave. Oh well, now he's having a nap at 5.30pm - this can't go horribly wrong can it? Something tells me I'll be blogging again in tears around midnight tonight wondering why the boy won't go to sleep.

Anyway, we've just returned from the mother's group meeting, which was lovely. Ben is about 2 months older than most of the babies there but most of the material was for babies his age anyway so I was a happy chappy. The other mothers were nice and their babies were adorable and teeny tiny. Was Ben ever that small? No, he was not.

The child health woman (I have no idea if she's a nurse, midwife or a baglady who just stumbled into the room and started talking to us) was very helpful. I think she was one of the ones who came to our place for Ben's checkups. I have to say that these early childhood centres make me feel very confident as a mother and that counts for so much. She went over things like settling them to sleep, of course, and all those horrible habits I have like feeding/rocking babies to sleep and them not being able to get themselves to sleep. I stayed very quiet but she pointed out that if you do this and they actually stay asleep when you lay them down and stay settled, then there is really no problem. Sigh of relief. She went on to point out the very obvious fact that I tend to forget - if a baby is happy, healthy & thriving and the family is happy with his/her behaviour then don't try to fix what ain't broken. Must repeat that to myself on a daily basis. It was also nice to hear what the other mothers were stressed about so you know you're not alone in having no idea what to do with this little human being in your care.

Ben bonked his head this morning. He rolled into the TV cabinet - it was so slow and he hit it so lightly that I just watched him do it without a second thought. Let's face it, the boy hits his head on my hard noggin enough with no problems. Too bad he was already sleepy and cranky this morning when he had his run-in so it turned into Sobfest 2009 with only one sad mother attending to watch. He lost it - the kind of crying that twists his gorgeous little face up and makes him choke on his own tears & snot. My heart broke because this boy is not much of a cryer and there is nothing that can't be fixed by breastfeeding but he was even too upset for that. Let me make it clear that there wasn't even a red mark on his head to show that something had touched him so it was not a bad bump. Now I'm not so sure about having a boy. What happens when he actually has an injury from some dad-related sport like surfing or motorbikes? It's going to be awful.

In happy news, we're starting him on solids tomorrow. Still will be breastfeeding, just introducing rice cereal in the morning and will slowly introduce more things. I can't wait to see him enjoy real food!! He's always got his eyes and hands on whatever we're eating so he's going to love this. I'll try to get video of his first bites.

Now I'm off to find something healthy-ish to eat so I don't feel so guilty about making chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. And I didn't walk today because of the mother's group and dealing with Head Bumpapalooza in the morning. I'll be back in it tomorrow - actually looking forward to it because I made the mistake of stepping on the scale this morning and had to turn around to see if Louie Anderson was on the scale with me. Not good but I'm staying positive and I'm still going to eat another cookie.

fancy

Pat me on the back, I've officially kicked off my post baby fitness regime. 6 months post baby is better than nothing. Not the most exciting routine so far - just walked in circles around the Terrigal rugby oval for half an hour. Hmmmm, I guess I walked in ovals not circles. Anyway, one small tip would be to bring water and sunscreen when walking in the hot Australian sun. Tomorrow I will be wiser. I hope to eventually walk an hour every day plus my push-ups and some other exercises back at home or in the shade out there. You may think my oval walking is stupid when there is so much to see walking around Terrigal and the outlying area but there is something in my brain that won't allow me to take scenic walks when I'm aiming for exercise - must be on a treadmill or going in circles or it doesn't feel effective. Could be because I get distracted easily ... could also be because if I included the Terrigal shops as part of my walk, I would end up broke and with a chicken schnitzel in my belly. Though I guess the shopping bags would add extra resistance for my exercise on top of the chunky baby in his pram.

Now I'm back home in my breezy apartment drinking ice cold water with a lime in it. I got my hair done over the weekend (I will link these thoughts together, just follow me) at Allure and I always love that they serve water with lime and mint. It makes me feel fancy. Every time I go there I swear I'm going to buy a lime but I never do. Finally did so I can feel fancy at home. I considered the mint but don't need any other greens wilting in my kitchen.

I will post pictures of my hair once I've had a chance to shower - you do not need to see me after I've been exercising. Scary troll territory. I'm very happy with what they did to my hair this go 'round. Cut's the same but I needed something different with my colour. I never know what I want, just something a little different so my tactic is to just ramble continuously spewing out hair buzz words - striking, natural, easy to maintain, soft, edgy, blah - until they stop me and say "I know what we should do." Never fails. The handsome and talented Scott and beautiful & talented Aurora gave me bright blonde underneath my brunette. Not the whole underneath, just here and there so when my hair moves you get peaks of blonde. Perfection.

I go to mother's group meeting tomorrow. It's for older babies and it's only 3 meetings but I'm looking forward to hearing what they have to say and see if they can help me with my bad habits. Oh dear heavens, another something to add to the bad parenting files. Ben is on the floor with his toys and is within my eyesight but I just glanced down to see this:

The boy has discovered the extra toy basket and how to tip it over. Okay, I'm off to rescue him and take a shower so he doesn't have to have sweat in his lunch. Have yourself a super day and don't make fun of the fact that I am sweaty from half an hour of walking in ovals.

need to make some comfort waffles

I can see my Mother of the Year tiara disappearing one ruby at a time. I don't know what monster inhabits my son but it's hyper and it's driving us bananas. He no longer goes to sleep. Like ever. I'll do my usual routine of rocking and feeding (shut up) and he'll get close to sleep then *BING* those eyes shoot open and he starts babbling and kicking his legs and he refuses to settle back down. He had a halfway decent nap this morning and fell asleep once in the car but once he is interrupted at all by I don't know what, maybe a fly walking on the bed or someone across town sneezing, it's over. And if he falls asleep on us then we put in the bed, which was totally fine until this week, he goes from deepest sleep to WIDE awake. It has taken 2 & 3 hours to get him to sleep some nights this week. I realised I wouldn't even be able to let him cry it out if I wanted to (which I do not) because he wouldn't cry - he'd just laugh, whine a bit and roll around like a stooge.

I gave up last night and just let him watch TV with us until he eventually drifted off at 11pm - it gives me nightmares of years from now when he has to go to school and he's just going to stay up all night and be a terrible student because we can't control him. Then that will naturally lead to a few more years later being locked in the Dr. Phil house with other terrible parents who can't control their children and they'll get their little surveillance camera footage of me crying and pleading "JUST GO TO SLEEP, BEN! PLEEEEEASE!" Dr. Phil will probably be dead by then (not that I'm wishing it on him or anything, it's just going to be a while from now and he's no spring chicken) so the new Dr. Phil will be his skeezy son who married the playmate who is pregnant along with her other 2 sisters - they are triplets, people, pregnant Playboy triplets. This is what my life is coming to.

Marcel is rocking Ben now and I keep hearing him ssssshhhhh'ing because he has yet to learn that typical soothing techniques just egg the boy on. Every now & then there will be a "Stop pinching me!" because Ben loves to pinch the hell out of us with his wee devil claws and every now & then I hear hysterical giggling/whining from the sleepiest, most overtired baby on earth. It's gotten oddly quiet back there now so either they've killed each other in the grand sleep standoff or Marcel is fashioning my Mother of the Year tiara into a more masculine bracelet or keychain for himself.

but I'm waiting on the crumbs from your table

Benny boy is sound asleep for his first morning nap. Such a funny little thing - he wakes up, hangs out with Marcel & me until Mar goes to work then he's ready for his first nap. Then he wakes up, plays for a little bit and is ready for his 2nd morning nap that usually goes a bit past noon. Then the afternoon he does not care to sleep, even when he is obviously tired and grumpy and cranky. Must find a way to balance his day sleeping a bit better.

Can I just say how much I love the Salvation Army by the way (who needs a segue between subjects, right?)! I have been looking for a small cool table to go by the giant Catnapper rocking chair in Ben's nursery - no luck ANYWHERE from cheap to very expensive because it has to be tiny but tall enough to reach and just big enough to hold a drink and some crap. I've also desperately needed a necklace hanger thing but couldn't find one for under $60 anywhere and some of those expensive ones were hideous. And exactly who is paying $60 for a necklace stand? Okay, there was a tree one that was stunning and I went back to shell out my $60 for it but it was already gone. Anyhoo, I finally get around to checking out Salvation Army yesterday and one of the first things I bump into is a perfect little necklace hanger and the very last thing I see in the shop is the perfect table. Table was $30 and the necklace stand didn't have a price so the dude just let me have it for a $1 AND he carried it to the car for me. Yes, it's tiny and light but I was pushing Ben in the pram and I only have so many hands people!

My plan for a thrift shop table was to paint it a bright turquoise to match Ben's decor and to finally let me copy all those creative baby blogs I read. But once I got my new little table into the room it kind of matches perfectly just the way it is - same dark brown as the crib, dresser, etc. It has such a lovely shape it's fine the way it is or it could be stunning in turquoise. What do you think?

I will not be posting a picture of the necklace stand because it really looks like something you would buy at Salvation Army for $1. Marcel's take on it was "Oh no, what the hell is that?" so it will just quietly do its job in my cabinet when I eventually make room for it. And let's face it, if that little boutique stocks more fancy necklace trees I'll be quickly shilling out $60 for one of those instead.

Oh, Ben pooped pretty normally yesterday. If you've suffered through my facebook updates you'll be aware that the boy was on a once every 8 or 9 days schedule, which was not good. We're talking about having to clean up Mount Vespoopius and I wouldn't get the smell out of my nose for hours. But he's pooped twice this week (please don't let me forget to add it to the calendar so when I mention it to his doctor at his checkup next week I remember how often he's gone) so I'm a happy camper. It still stinks and his gas can clear out a room but I'm hoping that will stop if he gets back to his regular old self. Also hoping he'll be less grouchy too if his tummy isn't backlogging his greatest hits for ages.

Alright, I'm off to watch him sleep for a second then refill my glass of water. I'm trying to pull myself together now that I don't have visitors or travelling to blame for holding on to my baby weight. It's apparently been my fault all along - grrrrr. Also have to go blob more cream on my lip because I either have the very beginnings of a cold sore or an ingrown hair from the weekend's waxing. What lady doesn't love wondering whether she's got the herpes virus or just a side affect of moustache grooming? Ahhhh, I'm glad no one reads this blog.

Come on now, Mama

There's not much I don't love about being a mother - I'm a cynical and snide lady so it's almost painful to say something that incredibly joyful but there it is. But I have my doubts ... big time doubts. I'm fairly convinced I'm doing almost everything wrong with my baby even while I'm enjoying every minute of it. Days like today it slaps me in the face and I start feeling panicky that I'm not giving Ben every possible benefit I could be giving him. I realise every baby and every parent are completely different and the midwives, doctors and nurses have all reassured me that it's pretty difficult to ruin a perfectly good baby but I still have visions of Ben 25 years down the track in therapy blaming the fact that I didn't give him any structure for all of his problems in life. Remind me to delete this blog before he's old enough to print it out and use it against me!

We co-sleep with the boy. I love the phrase "co-sleep" because it makes it sound so dignified instead of "we let him sleep with us because it's easier." We don't subscribe to the attachment parenting way of things and because there's no philosophy to why he's in our bed, I feel guilty letting him be there. I have no idea if it will make him happier, healthier, more awesome or whatever the hippies say it will do. It gives me a backache and we only started it because it was too hard for me to get up and feed him after my c-section, then we realised how convenient it was and saved us a lot of time and headaches. Every so often I start getting panicky because maybe we're creating a clingy, creepy child with no independence. I don't want that so I start researching (how did parents parent before Google?) how to get boy wonder into his own bed or if it's too late at almost 6 months for him to be a well-adjusted child? Maybe we've broken him already.

I will guiltily admit that I also breastfeed him to sleep and let him feed whenever during the night - he doesn't actually wake up at all, just roots around in his sleep until he finds my boob then settles back down. With this method (yes, let's call it a method not laziness) he has been sleeping happily throughout the night for a long time. We are all fairly happy with this but I have a motto to live by - If it ain't broke, break it. So I can't be happy with the fact that we're all happy. I have to worry about the implications of him feeding to sleep every time. Does that mean he'll have to eat a full meal before he can get to sleep when he grows up? I've never met someone with that sort of problem so I really hope I'm not such a bad mother that my poor son ends up in medical/parenting journals for his bizarre eating and sleeping habits. Feeding him to sleep seems to be the most natural, wonderful, effective thing on earth so WHAT AM I DOING TO THE BOY???

In my research, it seems that I'm not teaching him how to settle himself and I'm providing him a prop that is going to be hard to remove in the future. I'm going to attempt to change these habits a bit but if it seems unnatural, I will be right back to schlepping my boy to bed after a full belly of milk. And I will not let him cry it out on his own - no offense to anyone who has done this, honestly. To each his/her own but I hate the thought of trying to teach my son to just deal with it because Mommy ain't coming to bail you out. I will always bail him out (again, remind me to delete this so he can't print it out if he ends up arrested for some heinous crime).

I attempted a bit of the Baby Whisperer technique today for one of Ben's naps - patting his back and ssshhhh'ing loudly. I scared the bejeezus out of him once and then he just found it amusing the other times (see photo) so obviously I'm about as soothing as a shark attack. After several pick up/put down attempts where he continued to laugh at me, I just fed him and he was happily sound asleep in bed by himself in 5 minutes.

I'm going to try him in his own crib tonight. Why? I have no idea - just want to try it. So I'll be sleeping in the big Catnapper recliner in his room and lucky Marcel will have the bed to himself. This is going to be a disaster but hopefully a haha disaster not a boohoo disaster. Will keep you posted.

###

no one likes a boaster

Gonna start on a positive note - this is what I saw when I came out of the shower this morning - father and son indeed.

Noooow, next time you see me getting all cocky about how happy I am like that last post, kick me swiftly. Otherwise the universe will get me. It got me good yesterday by making Ben scream, cry, sob & wail most of yesterday with the shortest naps and very little eating all day. I'm taking him to the doctor tomorrow but most likely it's what the doctors call "normal baby behavior" and I call "what the hell has possessed this child." Oh well. He is fine this morning but he was also fine yesterday morning - I'm not holding my breath for an easy one today but at least we'll get our rocking chair today so we can curl up in that and rock our troubles away (if he allows me to sit down, which he often doesn't when he's upset).

Already trimmed boy's nails today - he rubs his face in his sleep and when he eats so he woke up this morning looking like he had a smack fight with an angry cat. Between all the scratches and the constant crying, someone is bound to call Child Services on me. Yikes.

Okay, someone is officially sick of his little rocking swing thing. Gotta run.

hope & validation

This morning I danced to Bernard Fanning with my Aussie baby falling to sleep in my arms and a lemon lime & bitters in my hand, watching the sun on the waves outside my window. Never thought I would be at home here but I guess "home" follows you wherever you go because my life has never felt so full.

Don't tell my mom.

May we not grow weary

Lordy lordy, look who's 40. Or at least look who feels like she's aged 10 years in a couple of days. It's me. Ben is having some nursing issues - after feeding for a couple of minutes, he'll pull off and scream/cry like Freddy Krueger is winking at him from my chest. Then he won't go back on and he won't even get into a nursing position without crying. Sometimes I can fake him out by trying a different side or a different position but most of the time it just turns into d-r-a-m-a and I have to walk him around the apartment, narrating everything we see, which calms him down every time. I'm the David Attenborough of our apartment. Most of the time I handle his flipping out very well - I tend to keep my sense of humor through it and just talk to him and take it all with a grain of salt. Today I chose to cry instead but I'm recovering and have instead turned to the lovely Josh Pyke to bring calm to our home.

That section is in italics because it was the pre-meltdown paragraph but we've recovered. Danced slowly with Ben to Josh Pyke's Chimnies Afire album and he chilled out enough to feed while we danced and now is asleep across my lap. Thank you, Mr. Pyke. This is the first time I've played this one since having Ben - it came out right around the beginning of my pregnancy and I listened to it constantly so when I turned it on a few weeks ago nausea hit me immediately!! It's like my body remembered what it was up to last time I was in Chimnies Afire mode. Weird but I'm pushing through because I need my "douchebag with a guitar" romantic groovy music. Family Guy gave me that term and I use it affectionately and respectively, of course. Remind me to post a picture from when I followed Josh Pyke around a party but never worked up the nerve to talk to him - another priceless Ashley experience.

Anyhoo, now that my music infomercial is over (seriously, check the boy out), back to the baby. So walking, talking, dancing work and sometimes I make up silly songs for him so I guess that makes me the Weird Al of our apartment as well. While he does have his daytime/evening freakouts we have been lucky in one area SO FAR -- if I say "so far" I can't jinx myself, right? -- is nighty night time. He falls asleep anywhere from 6.30 to 8.30pm then sleeps until 3.30am for a quick snack where neither of us are fully awake and he just feeds while we're laying down, then right back to sleep. Then he wakes around 5 or 5.30am to go through his gassy routine and I change his diaper and we laugh & giggle & coo, then he goes back to sleep for another hour or two. Bless the boy. He sleeps with us, which is not frowned upon here (if you want to discuss this with me I'm a keen advocate of this co-sleeping business), so I wake up a few times just enough to make sure everyone's in a safe place and I usually don't sleep again after 5.30 or 6am but I'm a happy reasonably well-rested mama ... SO FAR. Anything could change at anytime.

Another major development today - we finally bought a rocker. Not the old-fashioned wooden ones like I thought about and not those hokey looking gliders but a big puffy rocker/recliner. It's a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Seriously, it feels like a cloud and a marshmallow fell madly in love and produced this chair. It looks just as comfy - the salesguy worded it right when he said it looked like the bottom of a cat's paw - I'll post a picture when it's delivered on Monday. We will ignore the fact that we have to rearrange the nursery to fit the Catnapper in and will just focus on the awesomeness of it. Marcel attempted to talk me into a handsome La-Z-Boy but I stood firm (which is rare - I'm easily persuaded). I feel like this chair will change our lives, it's THAT comfy. Ben actually fell asleep while we were just testing it out!

Okay, I could ramble on about other things but I think I need to get my some socks because his tootsies feel cold. Have a fabulous day in your corner of the world.

Wowza and Yowza

I'm not going to attempt to go back and cover all the ground since the last time I wrote one of these updates because too much has happened. I had a baby but you probably already know that and chances are you know every painful detail anyway about the birth, first weeks, etc. so I'll just hit the ground running right where we are now. Grouchy baby that is way overtired and refuses to go to sleep.

Turns out I'm a bit of a hippy mom, which I never thought possible. Ben sleeps with us and I keep him on me at basically all times but I still refuse to call it attachment parenting because I do use a stroller when the boy is willing to stay in it and I just hate giving a title to anything I do. Anyhoo, recently Ben hasn't been getting enough sleep during the day and he is currently in the stage of overtiredness. He is jerky, fidgety and a bit manic. I'm worried that because most of his naps take place on me that he's picking up on my wakeful/wanting to take a shower vibes and not sleeping as long as he should. So yesterday I finally put his butt in his bassinet and he put himself directly to sleep like an angel. 10 minutes later I knocked something over and he woke up crankier than ever. Today he's not putting himself to sleep, he's just fussing and kicking and probably calling me whatever terrible names that baby call their mothers behind our backs. Please sleep child.

He's a fantastic baby - the past week or two is the first of him actually crying regularly. He has a lot of gas and painful poop issues that wake him up in a terrible way apparently. And he's discovered that he can whine with his cry as well and that's just a joy for us all, let me tell you. Two instant solutions for him are walking him around (but the second you stop or dare to put him down, the crying starts back immediately) or changing his diaper. He doesn't seem to actually care that there's stuff in his diaper but he loves getting it changed - I'm convinced he enjoys the one on one time that you have to give him.

And just a quick note that I keep using the American words for things like diaper (nappy), stroller (pram) and pacifier (dummy)(not that Ben is willing to try one). I feel like a jackass using the Australian version, like a bit of try-hard. And the word pacifier is so darn formal it's hilarious and in the case of nappy, it has a totally different meaning in America that I'm not 100% comfortable throwing around. So that's that.

Wish my first post back was more exciting but I'm off to rescue Benjamin from what could be a nice peaceful sleep if he would just let it happen.

Just a test

Doing a little experiment, seeing if I can blog by email. Hmmmmm ...

Watch this space

I'll be blogging again soon - ooooh, so exciting.

like 2 pigs fighting under a blanket.

38 weeks today. I'm surprised the books & websites actually say anything besides "Seriously, you haven't had that baby yet? Geez." No real baby updates, just reminders of what to bring to the hospital with me (my hospital bag is a little out of control at the moment, I need to remember this isn't a luxury weekend in the Poconos).

My colostrom has come in, which scared the bejeezus out of me. I knew it had to come some day but did it have to appear while watching a Family Guy episode where it was basically 30 minutes straight of Peter singing "The Bird is the Word"? I will forever tie my ability to breastfeed my poor child to that god-awful song. No actual leaking or messiness yet so that's good.

All else is good too. Just large and scary and am prone to nap at a moment's notice. I'm finally kind of out of work mode, but I miss it. I can guarantee that I would be less than useless if I was still working this week. I don't have the brainpower to deal with Dr. Phil and Oprah let alone real people. I only watch cooking shows and Antiques Roadshow because they're mindless pleasure.

My mom gets here in 2 days and I'm super excited!!! I need to get some energy to straighten this place up a bit and get the guestroom looking a bit more inviting. And I get my hair done tomorrow, which will be very nice & relaxing. I have a very selfish hope that I'll go into labour on a good hair day so I will look nice in photos but I'm not holding my breath and am packing a headband in my hospital bag just in case. Maybe a jaunty scarf would be better?

Okay, I'm off. There is some sort of bird rebellion going on in a palm tree in our neighbours yard and those birds have been screeching for 2 hours straight. I'm about to find something to throw at them.

the final countdown

So I'm on maternity leave now. It's freaking me out - it just feels like I'm taking fake sick days and I feel guilty when I leave the apartment until I remember that I'm not playing hooky and I'm not sick so I don't have to be on the couch all day. I also feel unemployed and that's breaking my heart because I love my job. We watched Wolverine on Sunday, followed by the Logie Awards (Australia's Emmy's basically) so RGM's clients were everywhere and I just felt sad that I'm out of their lives for 12 months. I'm going to have to stay in the gossip loop or I'll go crazy.

The baby has finally dropped, which is awesome. No more rib beatings and less heartburn, better breathing, all sorts of fun stuff. Now of course all pain and discomfort is much lower so every time there's a cramp or a pressure I think "Oh, here it is. Here we go - I'm going into labor." But then it passes in 30 seconds and I feel like a drama queen. It's going to get old very quickly.

Our family had the big Skype baby shower on Sunday morning (Saturday night US time) & it was fantastic - I had such a great time! It was so so so exciting to see everyone but it did make me very homesick ... and also very hungry. Loved the presents I got and can't wait to actually get my hands on them!

I'm just in the middle of washing my future son's clothes. I have bought too much but he still has no pants for some odd reason. Lots of onesies, shirts, jackets, socks, etc. but nothing for his legs (except for long-legged onesies) so I'll be making a shopping trip for those soon so he doesn't freeze here in winter. I am also finally going to purchase some maternity/nursing bras so my lovely lady lumps can breathe again. Why have I been so stubborn as to not buy one before now? I don't know. I'm cheap or lazy or something. I did my own home measurements and realise that there is good reason for the pain of my bras since I am at least one cup size bigger and a couple of inches around the band as well - I really didn't think there was that much of a change but I should have paid more attention to Marcel's "Ah-ooooo-ga" noises and the steam coming out of his ears. I'm stupid.

My mom will be here on Sunday and I'm very very excited to see her! I hope I have some energy left when she arrives and I'm not a total mess. My dad arrives one day after my due date (my due date was different when we booked tickets) so I have no hope for myself at that point - I'll either be neurotically waiting for the baby to arrive or panicking over how to handle the baby that has arrived. Neither will be pretty.

Okay, I'm off to wax my stomach. Yes, you read that right - I have this hilarious peach fuzz all over my stomach that didn't exist before pregnancy and I have too much time on my hands so bye bye peach fuzz. Daytime TV is so bad in this country that I would rather rip hair off my body by its roots than watch what passes for entertainment (except Ready Steady Cook, which is also terrible but addicting).

I'll try to get new photos up soon of the stroller, basinnett, etc. but I feel a nap on the horizon so it might be tomorrow before I get around to it. Sorry.

36 weeks

Did you know that it was possible to be so stinkin' pregnant? 36 weeks just seems stupid and I've still got 4 weeks to go. Went back to the antenatal clinic today for my 36 week checkup and all is well - they took more blood and a swab of something for staphacocolooloobello ... I have no idea what it's for but I have a pamphlet I might want to crack open.

Young master Eisele is head down in position ready to go but he hasn't dropped yet so his feet are spending much of their time in my ribs, which makes me want to scream. I found out today that is back is facing to the left (which is totally fine by the way) so his little legs and arms are all over my right side. That explains why all my pain is over there and why I have to leeeean on everything like a certain young pug named Saffron. I'm thrilled that the little man is very active and healthy but he could cut down on his Kip-like kickboxing skills. Maybe he's got nunchucks in there.

I've started to call him Lebron because he feels ginormous to me like I'm smuggling Lebron James in my belly. Every time I see my doctor I expect him to say "Wow, you've got a sasquatch in there!" (sidenote: did you know that Australia has its own sasquatch legend called a Yowie? Odd.) But they all seem to think the baby is normal sized. Again, I feel like I should have put a little more research into this whole concept of pushing a full size baby out of my hoo-hah before I got pregnant. It seems a little less than pleasant now that it's around the corner.

We have still not settled on a name. We have one name but not sure if it will be first or middle and we basically have no clue what other name we want to put with it. It's a disaster - I'm so afraid that we're just going to shout out a name at the hospital and the poor boy's going to be stuck with it for the rest of his life. Poor sap.

Next week is my last week of work and while I'm going to miss my job for a year (why am I taking a year's maternity leave in this global economic crisis? I don't know.), I am finally ready to go. The commute is killing me because sitting up in a car and train aggravates both the weird sore spot on my back and encourages my inner ninja to start kicking me in the ribs. Luckily my chair at work leans way back so I can kick back in a very creepy manner and now that the lovely young lady who is taking my job is training, I just let her do my job while I hover over her shoulder telling her every move to make. She is going to love when I'm gone, poor thing!

Anyway, so basically there is still nothing new to report. All is still fine with baby and me. We got our gorgeous stroller finally (it's been stuck on a ship from New Zealand) and our nursery kinda looks like a nursery now but I still need to get our art on the walls. I'll aim to do that when I'm done working if the boy lets me have some time and energy before he decides to make his magnificent entrance.

I'll keep you posted ...

at least I'm awake

Yes, I'm still pregnant. Seems I may always be at this rate. I'm at 34 weeks now and there's really no update beyond the kid is still growing and so am I. There's my latest picture.

The fantastic part of this picture is that if you change my ballet flats to Doc Martens, this could be me in 8th grade trying my darnedest to recreate the lovely Bridget Fonda's role in Singles (I've even finally gotten the hair). God bless grunge. And Marcel pointed out that I apparently bought the same shirt for our little future rocker boy. I'm eating the apple to cover up my non made-up face as well as supplying great nutrients to the unborn one. Gold star mama.

We started our labour and parenting classes - last week was labour, tomorrow is parenting. I am now an expert in pain relief and the various positions of how to give birth. I was not aware that you had more options than the movie version of giving birth in bed. Oh no no, as I was squatting and leaning on a beanbag while Marcel massaged my back with a tennis ball and the lights were dimmed I found myself thinking "Yes, I can handle this giving birth nonsense." Something tells me when the real thing hits I'll forget all about the comfy positions and only focus on the drug lessons we learned. Bring them on.

I am exhausted if you haven't guessed. Only two more weeks of work I think, maybe three. And only six more weeks of pregnancy. I'll be glad to have my ligaments back in working, non-achy order. We have a 4-day weekend this weekend for Easter so I'm eager to get caught up on sleep and do little things like pack my bag for the hospital just in case I go early. I'd also kill to go a movie but there's absolutely nothing out worth seeing over here and my odd spot on my back hurts so bad in theatre seats that it's not worth the popcorn after all. Pregnancy is definitely a downer now & then.

I think I had other things to tell you but I can't remember them. Hmmmm ... we're still struggling with names. We settled on one but you know me, I can't stick to a decision if I make it too early so now I'm doubting that choice and we're back to trying out every name we hear on TV, radio or from random people. I have a feeling we'll have to decide in the hospital when we're looking at him and say "He looks like a potato." "What about Spud?" "It's perfect!" Apologies in advance to my son.

still pregnant

Here's a picture of my crib with the new GORGEOUS blanket that my mother made for me!! We had the matching pillow from ages ago and that mobile is actually adorable in person - 3 waves & 2 surfboards to inspire our future little surfer. That land whale in ethnic prints is me.

Had my next doctor's appointment today. Baby's still in there. My uterus is measuring about a week ahead of how many weeks I actually am. It's very strange how that works. All along it's matched up perfectly - when I was 24 weeks my uterus was 24 centimetres, when I was 29 weeks it was 29 centimetres. Now it's running ahead but doctor says not to worry, the baby doesn't feel big or anything like that. I'm also low on iron now so have had to start taking iron supplements, which doesn't thrill my soul because I've heard they often cause constipation and I would like to finish out this pregnancy with no troubles from that end of the spectrum please.

All else is well, he's in head down position and ready to go. Still an active chap kicking and punching in there constantly.

Cank it up

Oh, the tree stumps are back this week. Cankles are dirty bitches. It's especially annoying because they don't actually cause trouble or hurt but they're a little uncomfy and the most unsightly situation on earth. I had my feet elevated last night and Marcel kept getting freaked out when he'd catch a glimpse of them. Such a supportive hubby - where are my foot rubs??

My mom sent me the blanket for my crib. It's the most beautiful thing on earth!! I actually got all choked up opening the box at work and showed it off to my coworkers. I'll post a picture of it this weekend and I'll update the photo of me with my gargantuan belly and my new haircut. I'm getting it coloured tomorrow (the hair, not the belly) so I'll wait until after that. My terrible baby brain caused me to straighten my hair without actually turning the heat on the straightener today so I don't look so stylin' ... I actually have Milhouse's mom's hair when it's a bit puffy like today but I'm about to be a mom so I suppose I'm allowed the occasional mom hair day. Mom jeans on the other hand shall never touch my ass.

31 weeks today & the little devil is still poking, kicking and pushing me around. I'll admit I take some small delight knowing that his room is getting smaller so he only has so many options with how he can harass me. But I've started with pretty big Braxton Hicks contractions so I'll be walking along, suddenly my womb seizes up and I have to stop whatever I'm doing like a crazy person and just stand there until I can move again comfortably or I'll just waddle. I also have an odd stabbing pain in the middle of the left side of my back that makes me want to hurt someone. It causes me to lean a lot to stay comfortable. Finding myself cursing on public transport has forced me to make a massage appointment for tomorrow so hopefully that will solve this dilemma.

Anyway, here's the update:
Your baby's arms, legs and body continue to fill out -- and they are finally proportional in size to her head. She weighs about 1.5 kilograms and looks more like a newborn. She measures about 41 centimetres from crown to toe. You may notice your baby isn't moving around as much. Don't worry; she's just running out of space in your uterus. As long as you can feel her squirming, you'll know she's just fine. Believe it or not, she still has plenty of growing to do. You can expect her to gain at least 900 grams more before delivery. Your baby's organs are continuing to mature and she is passing water from her bladder: good practice for the urinating she'll do after she's born. Soon you can wonder what your baby is wishing for -- brain scans have shown that fetuses have periods of dream sleep around month eight.

30 weeks & all is well

This week your baby continues to open and shut his eyes. He can probably see what's going on in utero, distinguish light from dark and even track a light source. If you shine a light on your stomach, your baby may move his head to follow the light or even reach out to touch the moving glow. Some researchers think baring your stomach to light stimulates visual development. But don't expect 20/20 vision when your baby is born -- newborns can see a distance of only about 20 to 30 centimetres. (Children with normal vision don't reach 20/20 vision until about age 7 to 9.) To complete the picture, your baby now has eyebrows and eyelashes.

Around a litre of amniotic fluid now surrounds your baby but that volume decreases as he gets bigger and has less room in your uterus. As you and the baby continue to grow, don't be alarmed if you feel breathless, as if you can't get enough air; it's just your uterus pressing against your diaphragm.

Had a checkup last week and all seems good. Got blood tests done (glucose, iron, etc) so hopefully those will be fine as well. Why does my baby need to see what's going on inside me? It can't be pleasant. I hope he has awesome eyebrows.

Nothing else new at the moment - no progress on the nursery, still looks like we're getting an intern instead of a baby. Hopefully getting a pram/stroller this weekend. We shall see if we survive another round of testing those out. Ugh.

I'll update my stomach photo soon because I'm growing and am a moose ... or it looks like I'm smuggling a moose under my shirt.

It's a squash.

Oh my word, I wasn't sure I would live to see 29 weeks my friends (& family). Yesterday I was minding my own business eating the fruit salad I always get for lunch when nothing sounds good to me. Then I noticed a little red blotch on my wrist. What the hell? Oh yeah, it spread - my stomach and thighs were bright red and blotchy and started to itch like wildfire. So I went to the pharmacist and they gave me some cream. It helped, itchiness went away & the red went down but then a couple of hours later it flared into major drama - all over my body and itching insanely. I went to an after hours clinic, they said keep using the cream, don't use antihistamine if you can avoid it (apparently there's only one kind pregnant ladies can use and doctors still don't like that). So soothing bath and dousing myself in slime is all I can do. Today is much better so allergy must be working its weasly way out of my system - still itchy in spots but it's about time to go put more cream on so hopefully it will subside. Have my next doctor catchup on Tuesday hope all is well.

Your baby now weighs around 1.1 kilograms and measures about 38 centimetres from head to toe. In boys, testicles descend from near the kidneys through the groin en route to the scrotum. In girls, the clitoris is relatively prominent because it's not yet covered by the still-small labia. These will grow to cover it in the last few weeks before birth. Your baby's head is getting bigger, and brain growth is very rapid at this time. Nearly all babies react to sound by 30 weeks. Your baby's nutritional needs reach their peak during the third trimester. You'll need plenty of protein, vitamin C, folic acid, iron, and calcium (about 200 milligrams is deposited in your baby's skeleton every day), so eat foods rich in these nutrients.

the baby's room

Okay, we've got the bare bones of our nursery together so I'm posting photos. We went with dark furniture because I love it and we can't paint our walls so that baby white scheme wouldn't work so well for us. Our goal now is to get some baby crap in this room so it actually looks like a child will live here. Just looking in the door, it looks like instead of having a baby we've just decided to hire one to do a little temp work at the computer back there and we had to add a crib to his cubicle. It will look adorable once we get art on the walls ... & toys. The bookshelf is actually pretty cute already, just half empty. And yes, we do plan on getting a mattress for the crib and my wonderful mother is cutting down a bedspread for the crib, which I'm very excited about. It's got birds and birdcages all over it in bright retro colours. There are also a lot of stripes in the nursery & there will be more. I'm calling the theme Stripes .... & Shit. Ignore the fact that I look like a crazy person - I'm getting a haircut in another week & a half (it was the first appointment I could get) & that orange striped rug from IKEA makes me super happy.

Still an effing eggplant

I'm at 28 weeks today, which I was under the impression was the beginning of my last trimester but noooooo ... I don't know why I can't do basic multiplication to work out my months but I am always off on how far along I actually am. Anyway, here's the scoop:

You're in the home stretch. The third trimester typically starts at week 29 and lasts until you give birth, at around 40 weeks. Most women gain an average of five kilograms during this trimester. By this week, your baby weighs a little over 1 kilogram and may measure 38 centimetres from top to toe. At about this time, your baby can open his eyes and turn his head in utero if he notices a continuous, bright light shining from the outside. His fat layers are forming and his fingernails appear.

He got his first case of the hiccups last night (well, the first we've felt) & it was really the first time I thought "Oh my goodness, my son is adorable!" The best part was Marcel got to feel them first - at night he always puts his hand on there and usually shakes my stomach like a snowglobe, which is less than pleasant for me, to make the boy move so he can have his bonding moments. Apparently this got the kid hiccuping - it was fantastic.

Nothing else new. Stomach is g-r-o-w-i-n-g but I like it for now. It does scare me that I still have 3 months of growing left - yowza, it's gonna be BIG. I have actually been wearing maternity clothes a bit this week and when I wear my normal t-shirts, I've had to drag out the belly band to keep everything in check. Again, why is all so surprising to me? I've seen pregnant women before.

My brain is still steadily fading. I came home the other night from work to find our screendoor open, which is fine because the real door was closed & locked. But I still called Marcel at work to say that I thougth someone must have tried to visit us or deliver something because I was the last one to leave & there is NO WAY I could have walked away with that screen door stuck open. He had his doubts and those doubts turn into rude raucous laughter when he got home an hour later and I had left my keys in the front door from when I got home. If you see my brain, tell it I want it to come home.

Anyway, that's it from over here. I'm dragging Marcel to So You Think You Can Dance tonight so he can experience his son's love of loud dance music and I think we're finally going to brave IKEA tomorrow so I can put our damn nursery together. So basically Marcel may kill me before this weekend is over because neither of these awesomely fun activities fall into his world of excitement.

Uterus, be polite.

One step forward, two steps back. Not cool. I'm 27 weeks now and I read this today: Starting now and continuing through the last three months of pregnancy, you may be plagued by leg cramps, haemorrhoids, varicose veins and an itchy abdomen. I was feeling pretty damn smug that I've almost made it to 7 months without any of these issues - are they seriously going to start just now?? Pregnancy is for the birds, my friend, it makes me want to scream some days.

Here's the other latest baby news:
Your baby now weighs nearly 2 pounds/ 875 grams and measures 14.5 inches/ 36.6 centimetres from head to toe. Her eyes open and close, she sleeps and wakes at regular intervals and she may suck a finger or thumb. Sweet dreams, little baby! Some experts believe that babies begin to dream by the 28th week. What do they dream about? No one knows for certain but the brain is active this week as well. The characteristic grooves on the brain's surface start to appear and more brain tissue develops. Chalk up any rhythmic movement you may be feeling to a case of the hiccups, which are common this week and throughout the pregnancy. Your baby has them but is breathing in amniotic fluid rather than air. A paper bag can't cure her hiccups, obviously, but an episode usually lasts only momentarily. The sensation for you may be strange but not unpleasant.

I think we've decided on a name, just one name. We're going to wait before we share it (unless you live in the greater Lebanon, TN area in which my mother has probably already left it on your voicemail) just in case we change our mind.

This weekend I'm going to take some pictures of the most ridiculous parts of my pregnancy life as of now. Like my current zipper situation - I insisted on squeezing into my skinny jeans and all is well except my extended belt is not cooperating with the little panel that's supposed to hide the fact that my zipper is hanging open. Luckily my maternity t-shirt is covering up the scene but I feel like a moron walking around with my pants half undone. I also need to introduce you to my Snoodle ... or is it Snoogle? Whatever it's called, it's the pillow that surrounds me like a force field and keeps my hips in alignment and my stomach supported. Again, it make me feel like an ass and I always wake up to Marcel hanging off of it - he must miss me when I'm locked away behind my Snoogle.

That's it in my world today. I'm off to drink my 2-3 litres of water and keep my feet up and do some work. Yee-haw.

Nobody knows the sorrow I've seen

Yes, I've disappeared. Finally got too lazy to write - that's right, I admit it. Work has been getting busier & busier so I just kind of melt when I get home, eat, then sleep. On a constant cycle.

Baby is apparently the size of an eggplant and that makes me mad because it makes me think of eggplant parmigiana from Olive Garden and I can't have any. Go eat some for me ... but don't tell me about it or I'll cry.

I may have the single most active son known to women's wombs worldwide. He doesn't stop moving. We went to a taping of So You Think You Can Dance (we rep one of the judges) and once that loud music starting going so did the little one - I do believe he may enjoy dancing as much as his mother. Too bad it feels like he picked up my rhythm as well. Oh well.

The boy has also discovered my ribs recently. And I don't know which one of you jerks gave my little jailbird one of those tin cups like the old prison movies but he just seems to clang around up there all day. And because he spends so much time moving up, the heartburn and indigestion is a joke. I eat Tums like candy and it barely takes the edge off. Still, the scheme of things, I'm having a very easy pregnancy.

Except for last night when I had another vomiting, etc. spell. Felt it coming on throughout the evening (it's a very specific feeling that builds right in the center of my stomach and I know exactly what I'm in for). I tried to fight it off with Tums and Immodium but that just seemed to anger it so I was nauseated and crampy (not baby problem cramps, just nausea cramps) ALL night, then finally puked it all out about 5 this morning. So I got a grand total of 2 hours sleep. I was already scheduled for a regular doctor's appointment for this morning at 9.30am but then they called at 8.50am to cancel because the doctor has changed his days and they forgot to tell his patients. So I went to the wise counsel of the midwives instead and they sorted me out. Bedrest today, which pisses me off because I have a lot of work to do and it's just going to wait for me - the thought of my emails building up makes me want to scream but that probably will go against the whole concept of relaxing on bedrest.

Eating crackers now and am contemplating whether to make a run to the library before I hop into bed. I need a good book to distract my little brain. Or maybe I'll just poke at my stomach to see if I can find the magic combination to get the boy wonder out of my ribcage - he's clonking around there as we speak.

xx

the grouchy papaya

It has been the week from hell at work - seriously every bozo has come out the woodwork and people who are normally gorgeous turned into bozos. There were also a lot of absolutely wonderful people who were non-bozo and suffered with me. Don't feel sorry for me, I feel sorry enough for myself tonight. I decided I was going to leave a little early tonight because I'm so exhausted & owe it to myself and my unborn spawn. Why am I here an hour late after everyone else has gone home??? I jinxed myself, that's why. Now I'm grouchy and dreading the heatwave we're going to have this weekend & hungry & pissed off at absolutely no one because its no one's fault. And I have work to do this weekend because I just haven't had time to do it and it has to be done and done well and I can't think straight for 5 minutes to create a nice presentation. See, I'm absolutely feeling sorry for myself. Oh well.

On the lighter side of things, my belly button has started to turn just a bit. I noticed it this morning and was quite startled because I don't feel like I've grown much recently. Not much of a baby update this week - they don't seem to put much effort the longer I spend in this pregnancy:

The baby now weighs nearly 660 grams and is approximately 35 centimetres long from crown to heel. He makes breathing movements but has no air in his lungs yet. At 26 weeks, fetal brain scans show response to touch. If you shine a light on your abdomen, your baby will turn his head, which according to researchers, means his optic nerve is working.

It's also still a papaya if you're wondering because apparently it stays a papaya for the entire 6th month. Lazy fruit/baby writing jerks. Marcel's also working all weekend so I'm going to be alone so I'm going to have to go to movies, the library, the mall, anywhere with air conditioning ALONE. Do you feel sorry for me yet? I'm too bitchy to get sympathy I'm afraid. If you saw me hobble with my sciatica or saw my ankles when they swell you wouldn't be so mean.

Okay, I think I can go home now. Have a great weekend and my next blog will be butterflies and sunshine kisses I promise.

the crazy has arrived

I've been pretty well-balanced throughout this pregnancy, cranky from time to time but nothing way out of the ordinary. Until this weekend. Someone let the loony loose. To be fair to myself, I was up half the night throwing up on Friday night and slept on the couch so then wasted half of Saturday snoozing to catch up and that always makes me miserable. Then I was just a bitch for the rest of the weekend (it's 7.30 on Sunday night so it's not even over yet). I even let the crazy hang out in public today when I went to the grocery store - had a loft goal of making chicken & dumplings with cornbread muffins to make me a happy girl. I decided it was wise to start my shopping adventure with the cornbread fixin's as Australia isn't known to carry the most Southern friendly products. Sure enough, not a damn bag of corn meal or corn nothing to be found. I spent a good few minutes staring and cursing out loud in the flour/sugar/baking aisle. I had already invested $18 in a mini-muffin pan so I had to do something so I stalked off and bought a box of cupcake mix instead & didn't bother trying to get stuff for chicken & dumplings because I was too damn mad. I will not go into the rage that started boiling beneath my skin while waiting for the world's stupidest people trying to work out the "scan your own crap" checkout aisles. It was not a pretty day and no amount of mini-cupcakes could make it right. It doesn't help that I'm reading a crime novel based in the south where the characters are all drinking sweet tea and eating friend okra and I have neither. Granted, I could make either of those things my damn self but I would prefer if someone would quickly build a Cracker Barrel here in Terrigal and solve this problem for me. Marcel is off fishing with his friends today just in case you were getting worried about him, by the way. I try to give him enough warning that I'm on the edge and he needs to keep his distance.

It's also a sticky hot evening tonight. The day was nice & breezy but for some reason the heat is hanging heavy tonight, which doubles the crankiness factor for me. I need to take a bath to shave my legs (hoisting them up on the shower wall is proving trickier these days) & it's too hot for that. I'm minutes away from pulling the trusty ice pack out of the freezer to cool me down. We saw the movie Doubt last night, which I looooved even though it was a bit quiet so I had to hold back on my popcorn chomping and frozen Coke slurping - but normally when watching these kind of movies I would sympathise with the friendly sweet nun played by Amy Adams but last night I was watching the overly critical judgments of Meryl Streep thinking to myself "She's got a point." I need to find the bitch dial and crank it down a couple of notches I'm afraid.

There is some positive news in my life, I promise I'm not all doom & gloom. I managed to find a bedspread/tapestry thing in the exact fabric of a pillow I bought last year that I always dreamed of having in a nursery so my lovely mother ordered it and is making it into a baby bedspread thing!! I'm very very excited because all of my nursery colours were based around that one pillow so it's nice to have a blanket to pull it all together. The room is finally coming together in my little brain so now I just have to physically get all of the item and put them in the room but we're putting that off so we don't have to stare at a completely furnished baby room for months. And let's face it, if I set it all up now I'll just keep adding to it & adding to it so eventually it will be packed full of useless items that the baby may or may not like.

I'm going to go now before I spend more time frolicking in the bitter barn. Have something deep friend or accompanied by sweet tea for me.