a most excellent adventure

I do love that my profile picture is cut off so you can only see part of my face. Oops. I should probably fix that but it's not a one-step process so screw it. I'll just pretend I'm being anonymous.

It's a mango this week. I'm not so crazy about mangoes because they make my lips itchy & swollen & they're pretty darn sweet but Marcel loves them so that's okay. And of course it reminds me of the lovely Mango character from SNL. Maybe I should steer this child away from show business ...

Week 19: Mango
You're halfway there! The top of your uterus now reaches your belly button and will grow about a centimetre per week. The fetus measures around 15 centimetres long from crown to rump and weighs about 240 grams. She has started to swallow amniotic fluid, and her kidneys continue to make urine. Hair on the scalp is sprouting.

Sensory development reaches its peak this week. The nerve cells serving each of the senses -- taste, smell, hearing, seeing, and touch -- are now developing in their specialised areas of the brain. Nerve cell production slows down as existing nerve cells grow larger and make more complex connections. If you're carrying a baby girl, she already has roughly six million eggs in her ovaries. By the time she's born, she'll have about one million.
You no doubt feel the kicking and somersaulting of your growing baby. At times, she may be so mobile that you can't sleep. The next ten weeks or so will be your baby's busiest and most active time, until the womb gets too crowded.

I went back to my doctor this week & all is good. I got to hear the baby's heartbeat, which is strong & chug-a-lugging along. I'm a little bit smaller than average for being 19 weeks but that's no big deal because my uterus is where it's supposed to be (as opposed to where?). And the ultrasound place called me because they have to move my appointment - I managed to get it two days earlier! So now I will know on Saturday, 10th January whether it's a boy or girl. That way I'll have the weekend to go crazy shopping!! Place your bets soon ...

Have apparently entered the indigestion point of the pregnancy as well so my night time snack is a couple of Tums to help me get to sleep. I'm a little worried now that Beyonce will be sashaying around in my belly more noticably soon (you do realise I would name a little girl Beyonce if Marcel would let me) - will I ever sleep peacefully again? If I don't get sleep, I turn into a dazed out psycho. It's not pretty.

foto de paunch

Finally a picture of my growing gut. I advise you to ignore that seam at the top of my stomach that clearly shows you where my fat roll bends. I wonder what's in there - a boy, a girl or a litter of kittens? Still two more weeks until my next scan to find out what it is. I called a few places today to see if I could get an earlier appointment while I'm off work this week but no luck, unfortunately. Turds don't know that I have names to choose and nursery decorations to decide on - two more weeks of not knowing whether to lean pink or blue might just push my baby brain over the edge. Oh well.

I'm betting it's a boy. Everyone else seems to be having girls and you know that we have to be different. I also had a dream last night that I bumped into U2 (yes, all of them) and I was very proud of my unborn child being able to be in their presence as they walked by us (even in my dreams I'm too shy to interrupt them) so that probably means it's a boy and I'm supposed to name it after one of them. Hewson, Evan, Clayton or Mullen? Hmmmm ...

Excellent

In major gigantor baby news, we found out something interesting about our little one yesterday. No, we still don't know sex but we do know that little Miss or Mr Eisele is a very big Keanu Reeves fan! Yes, I know, it's very exciting. That Benjamin Button movie wasn't starting when we wanted to see a movie so we saw The Day the Earth Stood Still (I enjoyed it except for the beating us over the head with the environmental message but Marcel wasn't impressed). A little into the movie during one of Keanu's big scenes, the baby went NUTS in me - must have been absolutely flipping out in there. It was fantastic. All I can take from this is that if it's a girl, she has very good taste in handsome men who refuse to age and if it's a boy it will be a sci fi geek ... and we'll have to name him Ted Theodore Logan after Keanu's greatest role ever. Side note: in this movie Keanu plays an alien so it suits his wooden acting skills.

That's it. Hope you had a fabulous Christmas.

... with a face like a par-boiled yam

Our baby is a sweet potato this week, which just forces a song from the movie A Mighty Wind into my head. It's about a sweet potato baby but has a line about it having a face like a par-boiled yam and now that's what I'm afraid my baby has. Also, sweet potatos come in about a gazillion sizes so I think it's an unfair vegetable to use.

Week 18: Sweet Potato
This week, you officially begin your fifth month of pregnancy. Your baby may have reached 15 cm from crown to rump by now, and he can both feel and hear. Admittedly at the moment, all he can hear is your heartbeat and the flow of your digestive system but soon he'll be able to detect noise outside the womb and identify your voice. You're just a week away from the half-way mark. Pregnancy care is much more relaxed than it used to be, so you're unlikely to see your midwife or doctor often unless you need extra attention. But don't chew over things alone if you're feeling anxious.Your baby is approximately 14.2 centimetres long from crown to rump and she weighs about 190 grams. Her chest moves up and down to mimic breathing but she's not taking in air, only amniotic fluid.

Your fetus has become amazingly mobile (at least compared to you), passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking and swallowing. And, baby's finally big enough that you'll be able to feel those movements soon.

Dude, can you believe we're almost halfway? Totally bizarro. And that poor child is just in there listening to my heart and digestive noises. BORING. Oh well, its problem, not mine.

So we found out last night that a great friend of ours is pregnant too and is due exactly one week after me!! I haven't called to harass her yet today but I am going to give her a major thunder-stealing lecture I do believe but I'm actually incredibly happy! She is one of Marcel's best friends from the New Guinea days (Eisele's if you're reading this, I hope I'm not ruining a surprise) so I'm hoping she'll be a good ally in helping to convince Marcel to look at furniture & supplies soon. I was just thinking of her 2 days ago because the name Willis came to my mind (please hold your "Whachoo talkin' 'bout" jokes) & I decided I liked it but then remembered that this friend has a dog named Willis so that won't work. I'm not trying to be shady by not naming her by the way but I realise not everyone may want their pregnancy trotted across a blog. I have no shame myself.

We're escaping to our hotel tonight because it's Christmas Eve! The holidays are officially upon us. My only plan is to watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation on TV on Christmas night and we're going to our favourite Sydney restaurant Pancakes on the Rocks (it's a glorified Shoney's basically but those kind of restaurants don't exist here so it's become very cool & trendy & is open 24 hours a day & serves alcohol) to pig out. I may watch a couple episodes of True Blood, the vampire show from HBO that just happens to star one of our actors - he's the blond one with the abs that has all the sex (yes, he's Australia but I applaud his southern acting). Very good show from the one episode I've seen.

Okay, I'm rambling & that's my sign that it's time to go. When you eat your holiday sweet potatoes, think of my unborn child. Ugh, no don't.

Monday pre-Christmas

I am so sleepy. I slept all the way to work on the train and if I made the mistake of closing my eyes right now at my desk, I would be asleep in 30 seconds making those annoying lip noises I make when I'm falling asleep in an unnatural position (trains, planes, in the middle of working at my desk, etc). We had our office Christmas party Friday night so I got home around midnight and we had friends over for the weekend so I was very happy & had fun but apparently the baby does not care for my social life because I am suffering today. And we went on the boat yesterday for a couple of hours, which was lovely & wonderful, but my head still feels like it's on the boat! It's a flashback to that fateful week when I had vertigo a couple of years ago - it's taking my brain a few seconds to slosh around and catch up with the physical position of my head.

We looked at strollers - sorry, PRAMS as they're called here -over the weekend. I was fairly sure Marcel's head would have exploded but he survived. We are no closer to making any decisions on any baby purchases - there are too many options. Most are too precious for me to stomach, which I think is why we're focusing on a stroller first because they're a bit awesome and not pink or blue.

Stomach is developing nicely - getting round & solid. I do wish that the weight that is adding to my backside would be a little more solid and less like pudding. I have started adding more walking to my day so hopefully will keep that mess under control. Also bought some pants extenders because that day is very near, I can feel it in my waters. Now if the waters would leave my brain I would be happy.

Marcel & I are spending two blissful nights in a nice hotel in Sydney for Christmas so we can rest, recuperate and revive without looking around our apartment and thinking of all the things we need to do. I will still update you on Wednesday morning for my weekly baby progress report. I know you'll be on the edge of your seat ...

The Onion

Made it to week 17. Have had a few weepy moments that normally wouldn't make me weepy so it seems about right that my child is currently an onion. At least it doesn't have wonky eyes anymore ...

Week 17: Onion Baby's skeleton is hardening, changing from rubbery cartilage to bone, and fat is finally accumulating around it. The umbilical cord is getting thicker and stronger, and those little fingers and toes are now topped by one-of-a-kind prints.

Things are really moving now. This week, your baby's eyes look forward instead of to the sides, her ears are almost in their final place, and the rubbery cartilage that will become her skeleton is about to start hardening into bone. Your baby is now 13 centimetres long from crown to rump and weighs approximately 140 grams. Her skeleton is mostly rubbery cartilage, which will harden later. A protective substance called myelin slowly begins to wrap around the spinal cord. Your growing uterus has shifted your centre of gravity and you've probably been feeling a bit off-kilter. Be careful and wear low-heeled shoes.

Finally at least I have an excuse to always wear flats besides the fact that I'm too un-classy and un-stylish to handle heels. I have been a bit light-headed and I have about a thousand mysterious little bruises on my legs so maybe I'm clumsier than I realize. And that pain in my hip is still coming & going & pissing me off. They tell me ("they" being the internet, of course) that it's sciatic nerve pain and I know that's more likely than the image in my head my smarmy baby leaning in the womb with its pointy devil elbow digging into my hip. I am going to get even with this little stinker one day, you mark my words.

I bought a couple of dresses last night to accommodate my growing tummy, which I will take a picture of one of these days. I think I'm getting a little more feminine with this whole pregnancy. I want to wear dresses and I suddenly have the urge to buy expensive nice makeup where I've always been fine with the usual crap up until now. I wonder if I could possibly be incubating a little socialite in my womb that's influencing my spending habits. Now I'm scared.

Otherwise, all is good. I'm actually very excited about pregnancy and the thought of all the accessories and furniture I have to buy. Oh and the thought of having an actual baby isn't so bad either, I suppose.

quick notes

Oh my word, weirdest terrible pain yet. Right around my left hip bone it feels like someone is digging in to a nerve or something with their elbow. If you have a sibling, you know the pain of the evil elbow dig and that's just what I'm feeling all afternoon today. WHAT IS THAT??

I have made the big appointment, people. On January 12th I will find out whether this creature is a he-devil or she-devil. Also meeting with the midwives so it will be a baby appointment day all around. Place your bets now on what we'll be having and whether Marcel will leave my ass alone at the hospital when I start questioning the midwives on the possibility of a water birth (I love a good bath - nothing makes me feel better so my logic is starting to wander in that direction), which is totally an option at the hospital here.

Also booking my parents tickets to come over in May for the grand arrival!! I am most excited about this because I miss them so much and have my doubts that Marcel & I can make it through the pre & post birth without lots of panicking. Now if I can just convince the Eisele clan to cram into our little apartment to act as referees when my mom & I start screaming at each other. They may have the right plan of waiting a little while ...

sweet 16

I hit 16 weeks this week and am getting mixed messages - is my baby a pear like its mama or an avocado like one of its mother's favourite foods. Hmmm ...

Your baby is about the size of a pear this week. Some of the more advanced body systems are working now, including his circulation and urinary tract. Your baby may be playing with the umbilical cord -- grabbing it and letting it go again. You've probably gained at least 2.2kg by now, maybe as much as 4.5 kg. Your uterus is growing and you might feel pangs caused by the ligaments stretching in your abdomen. These pains are usually temporary but your growing uterus will put extra strain on your back.

Fetal development - 16 weeks pregnant. Your baby is now about the size of an avocado (11.6 centimetres long from crown to rump and weighing 100 grams). In the next three weeks he'll go through a tremendous growth spurt, doubling his weight and adding centimetres to his length. In or out of the womb, babies are playful creatures. Yours may already have discovered his first toy -- the umbilical cord -- which he'll enjoy pulling and grabbing. Sometimes he may even clutch it so tight that less oxygen gets through, but don't worry -- he doesn't hold onto it long enough to harm himself. The circulatory system and urinary tract are in full working order, and he's inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid through his lungs. Sometimes, when you move suddenly, you may a feel a slight pain in your sides. Ligaments on each side of your uterus and pelvic walls are stretching as your baby grows. It's normal to feel some pain, but if it continues for a few days or escalates, talk to your midwife.

They are right about the back/stomach pain. I can no longer sleep on my back or I wake up in agony, which is odd because I've only put on 2 kg but apparently it's all weighing right down on my wimpy softening ligaments. I have to sleep on my side (the left is best) with a PILLOW BETWEEN MY LEGS to be comfortable. I feel like a jackass but it's absolutely necessary.

I'm not sure how I feel about the little bugger playing with its umbilical cord - I'm having flashes of my father who did not appreciate me playing with anything in our cars like window controls, locks, opening/closing compartments. I slap Marcel's hand and give him the stern "UH-UH" when starts clicking things annoyingly or playing around in the car (thank you, Dad) and I'm already nervous that my child is acting like a bozo in my womb and is going to mess something up in there. Luckily, I don't have to stress about my womb's resale value like the cars. *Note to self: Call Dad to tell him that our petrol prices have dropped below a dollar/litre. He'll appreciate that.

Nothing else new or excitig to report, I don't think. Still not enough belly to get a picture for you but I'm okay with that because I know it's going to catch up to me in a verrrry big way and I'm going to remember these months fondly even though everyone else frowns at my boring belly.

Still no baby names that we can agree on to save our lives. I am paying very close attention to everyone's names that I come into contact with - unfortunately my client list at work has knocked a lot of names out of the running for me. Not that they're bad people - I honestly have slim to no problems with our clients - just don't want to think of work every time I say my baby's name. I fell desperately in love with the name Hugo yesterday because a client was recording something with Hugo Weaving and I realised that I love Hugo Weaving, Victor Hugo (who wrote Les Miserables) and Hugo/Hurley from LOST. Marcel put the big red stamp of VETO on my Hugo dream, though, so no go on that one. I can't wait until he comes up with a weird little name that he loves so I can stomp all over his dreams too.

the soft cheese sitcheeation

One of the terrors I learned only after becoming pregnant was this hokum about not being able to eat soft cheeses. I don't think I'd really heard the phrase "soft cheeses" outside of pregnancy babble. I was crushed to discover that my some of my diet staples were no longer available to me - feta, haloumi, bocconcini, bye bye. Today I decided that it can't be possible so I did what I do when I get mad, I research. Turns out all you lying sacks of crap pregnant women who told me that I can't have soft cheese were WRONG. As long as it's not imported and made with pasteurized milk, I can eat all the soft cheese I want. The American Pregnancy Association told me so, which gives me yet another reason not to listen to the crazy pregnant ladies on the internet forums with their "You can't die your hair" & "Don't strain on the toilet or you'll get hemarrhoids AND varicose veins." I hate you women, you are evil. I celebrated by eating almost an entire little container of bocconcini (basically little mozzarella balls in their own water/brine) and now it's safe to say I never want to eat soft cheese again anyway but I still feel I have won a major victory in the war on whoever is making pregnancy such a pain in my ass.

the prodigal penguin returns

Sorry for disappearing but I'm so sleepy I can't function. Pregnancy is weird and about 50% of the time I think it's the most terrible thing on earth. Now that the nausea has passed (famous last words), I am enjoying aspects of it. I'm still not a big eater most of the time and that is making me a bit sad. Okay, more than a bit sad. Marcel and I went walking around to some gorgeous little restaurants and delis near where he works and we were looking at foods that would normally make me giddy with delight but I felt nothing. I just stared at the food thinking "I know that would be so delicious ... but I just don't want to eat it." I was actually honestly teary-eyed when I got back into the car with an empty stomach. Of course, I've probably more than made up for that today because I've even nonstop and not one bit of it has been healthy. Poptarts, pop corn, popsicle (things that pop is one of my favourite food groups), french fries ... I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow to get healthy food.

So the fact that I have no love for food has depressed me beyond belief because I had hopes of eating everything in sight with no guilt because I'M PREGNANT. The other aggravation is my blasted baby brain. If the food thing makes me cry, the lack of brainpower makes me curse. I have to keep extensive lists at work or I'll forget what the hell I'm doing halfway through or I'll go upstairs to get two items and come back with only one. And I'll ask coworkers about something and they come back with a super obvious answer, I give them an embarassed look and they start laughing and say "It's just baby brain." Then I walk away cursing like a sailor. And angry, angry, pregnant sailor.

La bambina or bambino (if there's a masculine version of the word?) is now the size of a navel orange and is apparently quite the acrobat at the moment. It flips, it spins, it doesn't allow me to sleep in anymore. I still don't have much of a belly but I'm appreciating that at the moment because I know it's going to show up one day and it's going to terrify me. It's enough for Marcel & me to laugh at and to justify me buying one of those nice maxi dresses that Angelina Jolie wore throughout her pregnancies. I may not look pregnant outside of the dress but with that sucker on, I look like I'm expecting a whole mess of babies.

Okay, I saved the best for last just to test if you would actually read the whole thing. I felt the baby move. Yes, I did. I know it's early but I totally did. It was last week and I was sitting at my desk and felt the most bizarre fluttering in my belly. I quit what I was doing and thought to myself that it's exactly what people say baby moving feels like but I knew it couldn't actually be it because it's early. It lasted on & off for about an hour and I had convinced myself it was digestion or something. Then I got on the precious internet and the official medical pregnancy sites (not the crazy lady forum ones) and they said it does sometimes happen as early as 14 weeks but most of the time women just pass it off as digestion or gas and it feels just like butterfly fluttering. It's called "quickening" (don't you like how I treat you like you have no knowledge of such things?) and it's quite literally the baby flipping around. Bizarre, I say but very exciting. Now if it could just speak into my bellybutton and tell me what to name it and what food would make it happy and what colours it would prefer for its room, I'll be happy.

she bore lemon

Made it 14 weeks! Apparently my placenta is built and ready to go, which is awesome news I guess. Apparently I should be less nauseous, less sleepy and be an all around more pleasant person now. We shall see. And my baby is now the size of a lemon so I FINALLY have a reason to sing U2's Lemon as often as possible. If you don't know that song, you need to download it on iTunes straight away and bask in its falsetto goodness - I'll spot you the 99 cents (or $1.69 if you're in the Big Country). Here's the weekly baby update:

Crown to rump, your baby is around 9 centimetres long and weighs 43 grams. The body is now growing faster than the head. This week, its parchment-thin skin covers itself with lanugo (ultra-fine, downy hair that usually disappears before birth). Though eyebrows are beginning to grow and the hair on top of the head is sprouting, this hair may change in both texture and colour after birth. About now, the fetus can grasp, squint, frown, and grimace. It may even be able to suck its thumb. Researchers believe these and other movements probably correspond to the development of impulses in the brain.

I have to say that I absolutely love picturing my hairy sasquatch child squinting, grimacing and frowning. When do the happier gestures kick in or do they just know we're going to have a cynical child?

Also want to take a moment to address the cockroaches from my last story. Please do not think we are filthy or live in squalor. There were 3 roaches. Yes, that's 3 too many but when I moved here people kept telling me that these roaches aren't the dirty kind - they're the outdoor kind that come out in summer and just happen to get into your home. Dirty stinking liars, I say but I'll use it in my defense now. We also had our windows redone this year and the contractors didn't fill in between the new frames and the wall so there's this perfect little gap for the roaches to sneak in through. We'll be filling those in this weekend and the kitchen is staying clean so no more gross visitors.

Oh wait, I have more baby updates from the other website I trust:
Your adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, and (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over the body for warmth.

Okay, toe wiggling is better than grimacing but I'd rather not think about my baby peeing while he/she's in there. They don't warn you about these things before you get knocked up, they just don't.

The midwives called me back! Of course I missed that call so I've had to leave them another message but we're making progress. I may actually get an appointmet with them one day at this rate. No more news from me - just trying to keep my pregnant brain focused so I stop forgetting things at work. It's nice to have a fetus to blame.

... she wore lemon to colour in the cold grey night ...

chow round-up

Still not having major cravings but those that I do have are forcing me to be creative. Here is a sequence of events that happened last night after leaving work (times approximate):

6.10pm - Get to train station, pick up the free MX cool little newspaper.
6.20pm - Get on train, start reading MX.
6.35pm - See a picture of a bowl of soup with Chinese writing on the side (probaby not Chinese)
6.36pm - Immediately need a bowl of eggdrop soup - start thinking of where I can get some
6.45pm - Still thinking because I have yet to find some around us
6.50pm - Crap, have to cave in and realise I may not get eggdrop soup
7.00pm - Refuse to give up - send text to Marcel "Please google recipe for eggdrop soup. Will hurt someone if I can't have it ... will probably be you."
7.10pm - Marcel picks me up from train station with recipe.
7.15pm - Stop at little grocery store near train station - no spices that we need or wontons
8.00pm - Stop at big grocery store to get the spices, stock and wontons (we actually had eggs - huzzah)
8.35pm - Get home, start unloading groceries into dirty kitchen (haven't cleaned in a few days)
8.36pm - Get startled by the summer cockroaches that show up every right about now if we don't keep our kitchen IMMACULATE.
8.40pm - Get whiny and give up on eggdrop soup because the roaches skeeved me out.
8.45pm - Clean the kitchen thoroughly
9.00pm - Decide to make the soup anyway
9.15pm - Eggdrop soup a success, a little too garlicky but will do better next time

Sad, right? I was also forced to find a new source of cheese crackers because they don't have Cheez-Its in this country. But on the flipside, there is a new candy store in the mall that has Sour Patch Kids so I now have two sources for those AND more importantly, they actually had 3 cans of Libby's pumpkin pie mix so we will be having pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving like good Americans!! We will forget the fact that a can of Libby's probably doesn't cost $10 in America but you won't be eating your pumpkin pie by the beach. SNAP!

That's my latest update on food. Nothing else to report. Tomorrow I will be 14 weeks and my next appointment is supposed to be with the midwives in the next few weeks so I have left them a message today. We'll see if they ever call me back or if I have to stalk these ladies to get my pregnant ass in to see them.

Adios!

ch ch ch check it out

Got my pregnancy massage today and feel like a new woman - all loosey goosey. I'm going to aim to have one every month as a treat to the future mum ... me. Then because I was down in Terrigal anyway, I spent a long while going through our little local shops. I love this town - such cool boutiques, yummy restaurants and a brand new tattoo shop just in time for me to fix the one on my tummy after pregnancy stretches it to smithereens. AND there's a new baby store Bel Bambina that is pretty darn adorable. It's NO The Pajama Squid (http://www.thepajamasquid.com/) mind you but I did buy something there that made my heart soar. Check it out -


Yes, that's right it's one of the Rockabye Baby! series, lullaby renditions of U2. It's so wonderful, I actually got tears in my eyes to hear Sunday Bloody Sunday on glockenspiel and other lullaby-appropriate instruments. Very talented people put this together and it's full of U2 artwork but with teddy bears like the cover (even an adorable teddy bear with Bono's green wraparound shades). They have lots of other artists - AC/DC, Bob Marley, Kanye West, Led Zeppelin, Beatles, etc. so I may have to stock up on more. We live in a magical world, people.

And please remember I had a massage, which is why I look like a greasy relaxed loon.

I think that's all the poop that's fit to scoop on this end. Marcel & I had another fight over the nursery situation so I'm afraid I'm going to have to pull that boy in line. He doesn't seem to remember us shaking on the fact that if he got the boat I got total control over nursery decisions. Luckily we had witnesses so I need to make some phone calls for backup. Grrrrrr.

Peachy keen.

Baby is a peach now, which is lovely. More details below:

The fetus is now 7 to 8 centimetres long from crown to rump and weighs 23 grams -- about half a banana. Its unique fingerprints are already in place. And when you poke your stomach gently and she feels it, your baby will start rooting -- that is, act as if she's searching for a nipple. (sidenote: SAY WHAT??) If you're having a girl, she now has approximately 2 million eggs in her ovaries; she will have only a million by the time she's born. She'll have fewer eggs as she gets older, and by age 17, the number will have dropped to 200,000. As for you, the fog may be lifting, so to speak. For many women, the side effects of early pregnancy -- frequent urination, intense fatigue, nausea -- diminish sometime in the second trimester. Your uterus, while large enough to announce to onlookers that you're indeed pregnant, isn't so huge that it gets in your way. Even though birth is months away, your breasts may already start making colostrum, the fluid that will feed your baby for the first few days before your milk comes in.

I'm going to admit that much of this pregnancy miracle still creeps me the heck out. I'm sorry but it has to be said. I don't understand why the baby would start searching for a nipple if I poke at it. That is going to take all the fun out of poking at my unborn child, knowing that it's rooting around in there.

But I'm not going to focus on the negative this time. Let me tell you what joy I've discovered. Popsicles. Yes, that's right - popsicles. Or icy poles as they're called here. Lord almighty can I eat some icy poles. For some odd reason it's the cure for what ails me. Nausea goes away, thirst goes away, all my troubles seem so far away. AND did you know they make them clear now? No bright orange liquid melting all over me while I lounge on the couch and no coloured tongue to give away the fact that I may or may not have eaten three of them in an afternoon. Awesome.

Also good news is that the candy store had another stock of cinnamon & brown sugar Pop-Tarts so my murderous Pop-Tart rage has subsided for now ... FOR NOW. If they manage to import Mexican pizzas (minus the beef) from Taco Bell, I will sign over the rights to naming this firstborn child immediately to them.

Oh, speaking of naming this kid I have become obsessed. I'm really worried about giving it a terrible name. I find myself thinking of the most fantastic old lady names and really can't get past them. I think we've watched too many episodes of Golden Girls on DVD (please don't tell Marcel I ratted him out for watching with me)(shut up, that show is HILARIOUS) but I find myself things like "Blanche Eisele is pretty cute. Hmmm ... I need to have Mom find out all of our great aunts' names and email them to me ... hmmm ... what about Sofia Petrillo Eisele?" If Marcel breaks down for half a second, we are doomed to a young elderly-named girl. And then for boys all my creativity goes away - I just keep listing TV characters' names. Jack, Sawyer, Sayid, Hugo, Buster, Gob, Tobias? I'm at a loss. We have two rules: 1. No former pet names - this had to be instituted because I loved the name Theo for a boy (see! another TV name) but Marcel had a dog by that name. This also rules out half of the Cosby family thanks to the selfish Eiseles and their awesome pet-naming skills plus Tiffany, Suzanne, Jeni, Roxy, Serena, Snowy Malone, Saffron, Oreo, Gravy, Austin, Rufus & Ralph plus a million others because there have been many many pets between our two families. 2. We have unlimited veto power so neither of us gets stuck hating our child's name. We will also choose a select few of you to stand on a name committee so you can give us honest opinions to our shortlist when it's ready for judgment. I will be honest, we have one name that we are very fond of but it's a bit quirky so we're keeping it under our collective hat until we know what sex we're having. That way we never have to try it out and see the disappointment in your eyes if we don't have to. It's seriously a fantastic name and you'd agree if you weren't so stubborn and thought about it for a while!

Anyhoo, I'm exhausted and want to go to bed. I'm getting a massage tomorrow! A special pregnancy one (ooh-la-la) and it's at the fancy hotel down the street from us (ooh-la-la) so I'm very excited. This is my "woo-hoo, we made it past the 1st trimester without going crazy" present to myself.

Oh! I told everyone at work today and it was so much fun. Everyone is super excited and supportive - I love working in a company full of ladies!! Seriously, there is exactly one guy who works there and he's 20 & lovely & has already put me in touch with his sister who is due in 4 weeks herself so it's a pretty awesome company I work for.

Have a great night & I'll try to not to poke at my poor baby too much.

Finally

Well I made it to my second trimester. Hallelujah & hosannah to the highest, my friends! My skin is also improving - the acne is clearing up and not so much oil. Not sure if it's the changing hormones or my obsessive skin routine but I'll give the point to the baby but it's the nice thing to do. The constant nausea is gone but it's been replaced by the intermittent vomiting, which isn't so pleasant. At least it's done & over & I feel better immediately but it's just weird to be sitting at work, typing an email or on the phone with a client and think "Hmmm ... is that vomit or just a gag coming on? Hmmm ... should probably take a brisk walk to the bathroom just in case." Then last night I got food poisoning or a stomach bug or something - had some lovely Thai veggie fried rice witha bit of sweet chili sauce and spring rolls. I felt immediately woozy after eating but Fruit Loops has the same effect so I didn't worry. I woke up at 1am with terrible cramps and actually got really worried for the first time in my pregnancy but they started moving towards the 'run to the toilet' variety and my panic subsided. Instead, I puked more than I've ever puked before. If my toenails weren't attached, I think they would have come up too. I was up 'til 4am and just slept on the couch when I finally settled down. I've got a cracking headache today from dehydration but I've kept cereal and apple sauce (& maybe some sour patch kids) down so I'll survive. Making a dash for Gatorade and snacky foods shortly.

I finally had my first antenatal apppointment with my doctor! Do they use the phrase antenatal in America? I don't think so. I keep accidentally saying anti-natal but that's totally different. Anyway, I really liked the doctor. He looks like Sydney Pollack and that's a face I can trust. I've gained a kilo back from the three I lost (well, after last night I may need to weigh again) and I'm doing well. I was all confused about the doctor situation here because for public Medicare you do "shared care" so you go to a specialist GP then switch over to the midwives or something. So I was highly comforted to see my doctor's OB/GYN certificate on the wall - not just a random GP. They took more blood for testing (no bad reason) and the woman who drew the blood is only 2 weeks ahead of me but already looks about 5 or 6 months, which worries me.

The paunch is visible now and it cracks me up. Marcel still thinks this whole pregnancy is in our heads and I'm just getting pudgy to fit the part but it's a pretty cool little belly now. I'll take a picture tonight and post it. Oh! I also told the people at work and they are very excited for me but not overwhelming me at all and not treating me differently but reminding me to take a break and eat once in a while so I'm very happy with that. And they'll work with me on however I end up taking maternity leave - I realise I have to think about that soon but it's just a little scary.

No other major changes that I can think of. I have slooooowed down a lot and I hate it. I learned how to shop by watching all those ads on Nickelodeon where you could win a 5min shopping spree where you run around and knock everything into your cart and you got to keep whatever you could grab in that 5 minutes. I would have killed to win one of those shopping sprees I tell you. But anyway, I moved like lightning when I shop and there's absolutely no good reason for it because I usually have nowhere else to be. Now I saunter and if you've ever woven through a crowd with me, you know I hate saunterers. Evil people. And I get myself a shopping cart early on and just leeeean against it while roaming around the mall - I hardly recognise myself. I don't rush up the hill to my car from the train station so now I actually get there without being out of breath and my heart racing. I miss my useless speed.

Okay, I'm off to force some water down my gullet so I can rehydrate and get rid of this headache. Adios!

editorial note

I am keeping all of my spelling mistakes in that blog because I think it's hilarious. That's how hyped up I am from a very small bottle of Coke. Caffeine is awesome.

Put the lime in the coconut

I finally reached 11 weeks this week! We all remember the drama that I managed to get to 10 weeks, then had a rude awakening at the ultrasound that put me back to 9 weeks. Now I'm 11 - huzzah! I also had caffeine today, which is now rare for me, so I apologize for all the exalamation marks!

I have the beginnings of a stomach. I do not care for the term baby bump so I'm stuck with Marcel's very loving & sweet term ... the paunch. That of course leads to calling the baby Pancho Villa, which makes me laugh but doesn't seem to be catching on with others. Anyway, I'll post a picture when I manage to get one that doesn't make me look just chubby. Apparently this child does not want to be captured on camera. Oh my goodness, what if it's a Sasquatch?

The crying drought broke by the way. I promise not to turn this into a political venting blog (note to self: start a political venting blog) but watching Obama's acceptace speech in our boardroom with all my coworkers - it was 3pm Weds our time - in AUSTRALIA was a little too emotional for me. I got all teary-eyed but I wasn't the only one so it was okay. Once I got home, every little clip of his speech sent me to blubbering - if this doesn't clear up, it's going to be a very painful 4 to 8 years ahead for me and this president.

Here are the week 11 stats if you're keeping track:
Measuring from the crown of his head to his rump, your 4-centimetre fetus has all his parts, from tooth buds to toenails. Your baby is busy kicking and stretching; his movements are so fluid they look like water ballet. Fingers and toes have fully separated. Now the fetus's main task during the next six months will be to grow larger and stronger until it can survive on its own outside the womb.
It's the size of a lime, people ... A LIME!

No new complaints luckily. The crazy ladies on the pregnancy forums have posted a way to get rid of the evil taste in the back of my throat that is apparently normal in pregancy. I think anyone who has time to regularly post to forums is crazy for some reason but I hope garling baking powder helps. Still haven't told my work yet - it's been my goal for the last few days but it's been so busy and lots of drama so it never seemed like the right time. I don't want to just drop it in the middle of craziness or make my boss stop for some big announcement. Now she's gone for the day today so it will have to wait for next week, which will bring many new & exciting excuses not to tell. I am a wuss.

Sunday

So apparently my child enjoys salads. Not the healthy kinds - just the kinds that involve a starch and lots of mayonnaise. I bought myself a big tub of pasta salad that I'm currently wolfing down and I have another tub of potato salad with bacon and egg on standby for later. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that at some point in time I start craving fruit or steamed veggies or something with vitamins in it.

I took a journey to my favourite store in Terrigal today ... the candy store that stocks American sweets. I decided some Pop-Tarts would make me happy. Too bad the ding dong store had every flavour except the two I like. I only eat strawberry and brown sugar/cinnamon (shut up). But noooo, they only had blueberry, cherry, chocolate chip, s'mores & something else evil. I refrained from throwing a temper tantrum but only because there was already someone else having a fit and she was at least 25 years younger than me. I just grabbed a few bags of Sour Patch Kids (which I really don't crave for once in my life) and left depressed. For Christmas, if you feel like spending a stupid amount of money on shipping you can send me a box of strawberry or brown sugar & cinnamon Pop-Tarts. You don't have to ... maybe I'll add them to my baby registry if I ever make one. Getting pregnant so far away from American junk food was one of my less smart decisions.

Okay, I'm off to put my pasta salad back in the fridge, take a prenatal vitamin and read a book. Oh and in a very important due date update, it turns out that our baby is due on Shiloh Jolie-Pitt's birthday. This is spooky because we always look at her as how our baby will look with the super pale skin & hair but ours won't have those lips, unfortunately. Any extra padding will be on the backside of our baby.

Happy Halloween!

I hope you're all having a safe & fun Halloween. Please send me pictures if you or anyone you know dressed up. It's not a real holiday here, though they did have some pictures of witches around the candy at the grocery store this week. Weird since no one trick or treats. I miss Halloween.

It's Saturday at 2pm here and I am still in my pj's, unwashed & useless. Saturdays are by far the worst day for me. I think the fact that I don't get to rest at all during the week and I don't have time to feel bad, it all catches up with me today. I have at least brushed my teeth, washed my face & added some extra deodorant to my stinkiness! I just feel like it's a sick day or something and I don't want to leave the couch ... so I probably won't unless I get bold and paint my toenails. Don't feel sorry for me, I'm quite happy.

So I took a very important test for the baby. I consulted the ancient Chinese gender predictor ... online. It tells me I'm having a girl so there you go - prepare the pink. Apparently it's because I was 28 when I conceived and I conceived in September. Hmmmm. We'll see.

Here are my latest baby acquisitions. The adorable monster toy is our first official baby toy gift from Uncle Yusuf! Very cuddly and so soft, I may keep it for myself. The dignified teddy bear is just for decoration unless our little one likes cuddling sandpaper. But check that onesie on found on etsy.com! It's a little Nashville, Tennessee with the crossed guitar & banjo! God bless creative people who can read my mind and make sure things like this exist.

Anyhoo, that's all from me. I need to find something this body doesn't mind eating. Love you!

more crap

I got so tickled about Joseph Fiennes that I forgot to add the rest of the due date info:

Horoscope:
Gemini is the third sign of the zodiac. It runs from 22 May to 21 June. It is an Air sign, represented by the Twins

Birthstone (Modern):
Emerald

Birthstone (Mystical):
Sapphire

Birthstone (Ayurvedic):
Agate

Birth Flower:
Lily of the Valley

World Holidays:
Sun Screen Day - summer's coming so stock up on sun cream!

Hmmmm ... May is the start of fall in Australia so that holiday's not really relevant to our little Gemini Joseph Fiennes Lily of the Valley baby. Oh well.

kicky

Well, we had our first ultrasound this morning. Very exciting - I got a bit misty-eyed because we could actually see the baby looked like a baby instead of the squirrel I expected. Still didn't cry, which makes me think I'm turning into a robot. Anyway, it was kicking its little legs around and it was awesome.

It turns out that I'm only 9 weeks pregnant instead of 10 like I thought, which was a tiny disappointment because I really don't want one more week of pregnancy added but I have recovered. My new due date is 27th May. I updated it on babycenter.com.au and they gave me the major points for that date:

1919: The pop-up toaster was patented
1922: Christopher Lee, actor and Saruman the White in The Lord Of The Rings trilogy, was born
1933: The Walt Disney Company released The Three Little Pigs, with its song 'Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?'
1970: Joseph Fiennes, and star of Shakespeare In Love, was born
1975: Jamie Oliver, TV chef, was born

Now, if you know much about me you will know that the next to last one there is HUGE for me because Joseph Fiennes has been on my top 5 list since Shakespeare in Love came out yonks ago. I shouldn't tell you this but every password I have ever had has revolved around Joseph Fiennes and I considered writing a strongly worded letter to the Academy when he wasn't nominated for an Oscar. I just woke Marcel up from a deep sleeping nap to scream "OUR BABY IS DUE ON JOSEPH FIENNES BIRTHDAY!!" and he totally understood how significant it is. I am stoked. I also love Saruman, toasters, The Three Little Pigs & Jamie Oliver so really all disappointment in adding another week to pregnancy is fading away.

After all the poking around on my abdomen today I felt quite queasy so today turned into a lazy one. I always have to have one weekend day that I waste reading and sleeping since I have no time to spare during the week for naps or just quiet restful moments at work. I'm incredibly thankful that I have energy all day at work by the way - it has been intense recently so I'm lucky.

Anyway that's all the poop that's fit to scoop.

success

I ate a whole pizza last night (minus one slice). I think my appetite is coming back.
I'm making chewy chocolate chip cookies tonight so Cletus the fetus shall be dining in luxury.

manic monday

The boat went well, even managed to enjoy some picnic foods. It's always really nice to be with the Ellis family. First of all because they're just fantastic but also now that they have the beautiful little Tara (who is just 3 weeks!), it's so good to be around a baby and know that all the crap going on in my womb is going to be worth it eventually. The fact that I had to cover my nose with a scarf on the train this morning because the guy next to me reeked of alcohol that kept making me gag is just plain annoying. I don't want to be that rude! But it will all be worth it if we have a sweet little thing like Tara. If we end up with some Turd Ferguson, I won't be a happy chappy.

Turd Ferguson is now a prune by the way because I am up to a grand 10 weeks. We have our first ultrasound this weekend, which is exciting. It's just to officially date the pregnancy so I do have a terrible fear that I'm going to find out that I'm actually only 8 weeks or something like that. I don't want to add any more time to this journey, I'm afraid.

I almost ripped Marcel's arm off for his McDonald's crispy chicken sandwich last night after I loudly proclaimed how there was no way I could get one because it would make me deathly ill. Once he took one bite, I realised I had to have that sandwich - poor boy got less than half of his own meal due to my maniacal food issues. I will be having a whole crispy chicken sandwich tonight because my stolen goods were not enough to hit the spot last night. So sad. He's going to have to start taking his meals separately because I either steal them or they make me nauseous and he doesn't appreciate the grossed-out faces I can't keep to myself. I'm a terrible wife.

Besides the gagging, I'm feeling okay for now. We had weird sleep patterns over the weekend so I have to get that back in order so I don't keep waking up throughout the night. I would like to lie down on the couch 3 feet from my desk and sleep for a good hour but I'm going to resist and do some more work so I can sleep soundly tonight. Huzzah for being a grown-up.

out to sea

The nausea has subsided a lot, which I'm very thankful for but I'm still eating very little. Everything sounds/smells/looks terrible and I gag constantly. That's really classy by the way. Walking behind someone smoking or with strong smelling food and I can't hold in my gagging so then I have to make it seem like a yawn or a cough. I just look crazy.

Thanks to the insane food aversion I have lost 3 kilos (6.6 pounds). I'd rather have food. I miss food! But I have gotten a crazy amount of energy this week - almost downright hyper. I've even managed to stay up late a couple of nights, which is rare for me, and I find myself waking up during the night. Again, normally I'm borderline narcoleptic. I'm hoping to crash this weekend and catch up on sleep so maybe I won't be as wired next week, though I have to admit it's keeping me up to scratch at work! Also having a facial this weekend because the pregancy "glow" nonsense is just a bunch of oil.

On the plus side, my lady lumps are filling in quite nicely. Little tops that were once cute summer shirts are now a bit more obscene and I'm suddenly startled to be the girl that guys no longer look in the face. Fantastic. Between my lost weight and these new additions, I may just be ready for bikini season - if only I would add some exercise and a tan to my routine.

And I'd like to take a moment to thank some anonymous source who suggested my dear husband could still get a boat with a baby on the way. He has taken your advice and we plan to christen the new vessel this weekend. We will not be naming it EZ Livin' III. I'm sure there will be many tragedies to come with this boat and the fact that I feel seasick on land already. Oh well.

Olives are good.

I'm 9 weeks now and feeling ill and not in a Beastie Boys kinda way. The baby is officially a fetus. Not sure what it was before but there you go. And it's the size of a green olive so it's moving up in the world of finger foods. I spent most of this afternoon in bed, willing the nausea and sleepiness away but it didn't work so now I'm going to get a frozen Coke (I am allowed some caffeine and a couple of these a week is not going to do damage), which always soothes my woes. Another solution that a lot of the crazy pregnant women on the forums out there in cyber land suggest is SOUR CANDIES! How fantastic is that? I think it's giving me permission to eat as many sour patch kids as possible to make me feel good. I'm taking the challenge and they do help a bit so something is right in this universe.

Later skater.

major error

Oh ... my ... word, I made the biggest error in that blog. Apparently it's Young MC that brings us the joy of Bust a Move instead of Tone Loc. Oops. So now I have to name my son Young MC instead of Tone Loc.

She's dressed in yellow, she says hello, come sit next to me you fine fellow.

The food situation is getting dire, I'm afraid. The nausea has lifted a little bit thanks to some morning sickness vitamins I bought (I would have bought heroin if they told me it cured the nausea, let's be honest) but the thought of food still makes me heave, which is a delightful quality in a lady. I can handle exactly one food item at a time if I do decide I can eat. I got the thought of cottage cheese in my head this afternoon so the whole hour & 1/2 trip home on the train, I was thinking of cottage cheese and how that would be my evening meal. I was very excited to actually want something, but by the time I got off the train, I had made myself sick of cottage cheese. I'm having popcorn for supper instead. I do what I have to. I actually went out and bought frozen tater tots yesterday after I had a dream about them, which is incredibly pathetic. Again, I got so worked up over the fact that they actually sounded appetizing that by the time I got them home, they sounded gross again. I did manage Thai food for lunch today, which I thought would never be possible so that was a major victory in this battle between me and the busy little placenta-building, food-snubbing, raspberry-sized monster in my womb.

There were only two things I was positive about with pregnancy and only two - that my hunger would be unstoppable and that I would cry every 30 seconds. Instead, I have lost a few pounds (but not in my boobs - huzzah!) and I have not cried a single time. That's right, the girl who has wept during every major sitcom and can not even hear the music from Forrest Gump without sobbing ... I have not shed a tear. I am out of the daze so it's not that and I'm very happy, which usually causes me to cry more than sadness. The only times I have gotten teary-eyed is when a good song comes on but still no tears have fallen.

The music thing is just weird. I mentioned at the very beginning how I reverted back to my old music when the hormones kicked in. I still find myself very emotional over music. And it's not what you think - it's not the sappy ballads that are getting me, it's the good stuff. We have some very weird radio stations in our area - one of which was playing Tone Loc's Bust a Move tonight when I happened to stumble across it. Very few songs on earth make me as happy as this one - I become an unstoppable hip hop machine when this song comes on. So it came on the radio and I start smiling and rapping, then thinking to myself "Wow, I love this song. It really makes me happy. It's just such a good song ..." then I notice I have tears in my eyes. My unborn child can't inspire me to cry but Tone Loc can? WHY?? Then I turned the station to the world's single greatest radio station - 5-0 Plus. It's a community station for people who are over 50 and all the volunteer DJ's average about 75 or 80 and bring their own music from home. If I'm ever super rich, I will make sure 5-0 Plus lives forever. ANYWAY, I flip over to 5-0 hoping for a little Andrews Sisters or a Sousa march or something but instead I get the Beach Boys. Just like Tom Hanks, I can't think of the Beach Boys without thinking of my dad and that almost made me cry but it was Sloop John B and the rhyme scheme of "fits" and "grits" luckily put a stop to those tears. But then it ended and the slammed with Dolly Parton (I told you it's a fantastic station)! Luckily I was already pulling into the driveway or the Tennessee reminder who have sent me over the edge. Now I'm afraid of what the actual song will be that makes me boo-hoo. It's not going to be pretty.

What should be making me cry is the fact that the midwives group isn't calling me back. I've left them two messages on their booking line. I have this nagging feeling that I'll be giving birth on my balcony with those damn parrots squawking at me and Marcel cracking a lot of whale jokes at my expense.

Anyhoo, I'm 8 weeks along now and our little Buster Bluth is about the size of a raspberry and is kicking around its arms & legs with its little creepy webbed fingers and toes. I still feel like it's a bit of a non-exciting time because I'm not buying anything for it until I can start calling it a he or she and we make it past that 3-month hurdle safely. Until then, you can expect many more whiny blogs about what I can and cannot eat. The popcorn is going okay at the moment so we'll add that to the Yay for Me column and if any of you want to test customs by Fedexing me a Mexican pizza (minus the beef) from Taco Bell, I'll love you forever.

building

I have officially collected the few items that we have on hand for a nursery. We aren't buying anything for said nursery until we know whether it will be a Little Mr. or Little Miss but I got those boxes at IKEA for a hilariously low price and they are exactly the colours I want for a baby room. The Animalz are from the greatest store on earth The Pajama Squid (http://www.thepajamasquid.com/), which is owned by one of my favourite people on earth Tiffany King. And every child needs a pillow of the greatest president ever. I even went so far as to move all these items into our current guestroom/future baby room (pending negotiations with Mr. Eisele who thinks we should just throw the crib by the computer in his depressing office)(he is going to lose this battle). Anyway, that's it for the nursery for a couple of months.

I'm still nauseated, which I'm not happy about. Some days I just don't feel hungry and the thought of eating makes me want to puke so I don't eat then all the acid makes me sick instead. I had a loaded baked potato for breakfast (shut up) and it hit the spot so I'll be doing more of those I suppose. And I'm keeping the Rolaids on hand. When I reference my baby book and websites, they tell me that my body is working its hardest at the moment building a placenta. That kind of makes me even more nauseous to be honest so I try not to think about it. Major organs are in place, the heart may be beating, it's got a mouth but until it lets me eat in peace this will not be a magical time.

Now I'm off to get the last of my blood results and to make my first prenatal appointment.

Ruh-roh

Okay, the most frustrating problem I'm having at the moment is clumsiness. I am choosing to blame it on El Guapo (yep, I'm stuck on movie nicknames for the kid now) because I hate to think my brain is just messing with me. Before I knew I was pregnant, I couldn't figure out why I kept tripping over things at work but now it's downright treacherous. I almost hacked a couple of fingers off while trying to chop a carrot so I have two nice Band-Aids on my left hand. Sidenote: why doesn't Australia have baby carrots? I also cut the same hand while moving at work and just this morning I gouged a chunk of skin off my right thumb with my left thumbnail. I'm going to have to separate myself from all sharp objects.

I'm actually nauseated today, which is a first. I haven't been feeling hungry much so I just had olives & cheese for dinner last night. I can't imagine any spawn of mine not liking olives & cheese but I think the universe is trying to tell me that I can't raise a baby in my womb on a diet of hors d'oeuvres. I am not embarassed to admit I had to go to theasaurus.com and get the synonyms of "appetizer" before I could spell that word correctly. Wasn't even getting close enough for it to come up on dictionary.com. So sad. Again, I blame the Littlest Eisele.

All else is good. The Ellis's had their baby this morning (2 weeks early) so I'm dying to go see her tonight! Leisele has been my test case but she had the world's greatest pregnancy so I'm already hearing comments from Marcel along the lines of "Hmmm, Leisele never felt sick." I can't wait to meet the new one and hear what name they came up with for their gorgeous little girl. Yes, it is safe to assume she'll be gorgeous.

Thursday

The belly has gone down a bit, thankfully. I feel a bit more normal now that my pants aren't so tight! We're slowly getting out of our daze as well - it helps that we are talking about it with our family & friends now. Very, very exciting. The first few days it just didn't feel real (okay it still barely does) and while we were happy, we were just zombies. After we told both sets of our parents we were talking to each other and both kind of said how surprised we were that everyone was so excited about the whole thing. I'm not sure what exactly we expected but the outpouring of love & happiness has been pretty cool. Now we're slowly getting excited but still a bit cautious because it's not normal yet. I guess this is one reason why it would have been smart to wait out the first trimester before telling. We just can't keep a secret to save or lives. Oh well.

I'm not going to keep you up to date on my nutrition because it's boring. Just know that I'm eating well & actually managing to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. We will be exercising as well but that starts next week after I've seen a doctor for my last blood test results this weekend.

Okay, I shouldn't have really updated because there's nothing new to report. I'm trying to keep myself from looking at baby clothes & nursery items online. I am very afraid this will be a spoiled child.

Belly Check - 21 September 2008

Got my blood test results. Surprise, surprise - I'm pregnant. I'm sorry, look at that gut. I am about 5 weeks along - WHY DO I LOOK LIKE KERMIT THE FROG?? That little bellybutton ring scar will soon be a giant star and that pink heart will be stretched to oblivion. Oh well, then I'll have a reason to get another tattoo to fix it.

I'll keep you updated on my paunchy physique when there's any changes. I've loaded up on my healthy snacks but I'm already getting sick of all the nuts, fruits & vegetables. I hope the penguin doesn't mind if I sneak a frozen Coke once in a while. My book says it's fine. Well, it doesn't actually mention frozen Cokes but I can have caffeine in moderation. The shouting salesman at the fruit market (I don't have the energy to explain) talked me into buying 6 little cartons of strawberries - I got them for the price of 2 cartons but what am I going to do with 6 cartons of strawberries?? I'll be putting them in yogurt, cereal & anything else that sits still. I put 3 cartons in the freezer for smoothies. I'm planning on lots of smoothies so I can trick myself into having enough fruit & dairy. Genius plan.

No, it's not a puppy.

Welcome to my blog. I feel a bit silly to even be writing this but you and I are so far away from each other and I want to make sure you don't miss out on any tiny, excruciating detail of this experience. You're welcome.

First, I'll explain the blog name to you. My family dubbed me Penguin when I was a wee one. I don't dwell on the reasons for this because certain words don't make me too happy - short, waddle, clumsy, short - you get the picture. Overall I like Penguin, it suits me. Now add that nickname to my dad's favourite story about me. I apparently taught myself to read ... with the Bible ... on the toilet. Dad walked by to hear me on the pot, talking to myself. Naturally he assumed it was regular 4-year old gibberish but he listened more closely and heard me pronouncing "So & so beget so & so, Blah blah blah beget blah blah blah ..." I guess I was just an Old Testament kind of girl.

Anyway, this penguin is now expecting her own little one but we haven't come up with a comfortable way to refer to the Expected One. They throw the word "bub" around here but it puts me into a murderous rage for some reason. Do not call it a bub unless you want me to smack you - ask Marcel. I was particulary fond of Cletus the Fetus for about 20 minutes but it got less funny every time I said it. Cut to the end of this rambling and I think Penguin is a suitable name for the unborn wonder.

I haven't gone to an actual doctor yet so my details are a little sketchy thus far. I went yesterday for my official blood tests at a clinic so I'll go get the confirmation of that pregnancy test (hopefully my two at home tests were accurate or I'm going to feel like a jackass & this blog will disappear very quietly) and start the process of finding myself a doctor here. I do not have private insurance and no, I am not scared. I have friends here who have had or are about to have their babies on Medicare and have been incredibly happy with the service and options they have. The universal health insurance here means I don't pay a penny for anything during my pregnancy - checkups, ultrasounds, hospital stay, etc. It also means I don't get to choose who will delivery my baby - I get whoever's on duty and I will not have a private room. Luckily Australia's baby bonus applies to us ... I think ... I'm going to research that today to ease my mind.

So because I have not visited a real doctor yet, I have turned to the next best thing - the internet. I put in the date of the first day of my last cycle and it churned out that our due date is May 20th. Oh, the magic of the internet. May is awesome on both sides of the world (as the Temptations once wisely said "When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May") and many of my favourite people have celebrations during May: Herbert's birthday, my parents' wedding anniversary, one of our dogs' birthday (the Amish never figured out which registration belonged to whom so it could be Roxy or Saffron) and no I didn't forget Bono's birthday. So if the internet is dependable I'll be happy with May.

Because we've only known about this pregnancy for about 72 hours, nothing has been decided about anything basically. I can assure you of a few things:
1. Our child will probaby have a "unique" name. Deal with it. Whatever it is, it will grow on you.
2. Our nursery will be the single most awesome room you have ever laid eyes on. Bonus points to this if our landlord allows us to paint.
3. There will be cankles. Please don't stare directly at them or I will cry.
4. Marcel is going to be tip toeing around the newfound crazy in our life.

I really, really, really did not think I was pregnant before I took this test. My lady cycle had been all over the place for the past few months so I kept some tests on hand so everything month when I was a week or two late, I could set my mind at ease. This time I had a little surprise. Any symptoms I had basically felt just like PMS so we had a bit of a shock when the test came back positive. Took another one the next day and were still shocked. We'll probably be shocked again when my blood test comes back positive. Of course, the second I saw that 2nd line on the test my stomach felt crampy and started to grow - amazing how that happens to neurotic people like me. I have now gone to Border's (with my 30% off coupon) and gotten my copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting because all of the other books were even more annoying and it tells me that my tummy pooch is more likely "bowel distension" but I don't want to know what that means. Here are the very few symptoms I have had:

1. Cramps - no worse than PMS
2. Tightness - no worse than gas (okay, sometimes it's accompanied by gas as well)
3. Food aversions - haven't craved anything but I want no part of the berry jam I used to always have on toast at work. Makes me gag suddenly.
4. Music sensitivity - this one I may have made up but I've been listening to certain albums a lot recently, then suddenly I just didn't appreciate them anymore and have gone back to the music of my youth (lots of U2 and I have the desperate need to download the Singles soundtrack).
5. A touch of mean. This usually coincides with Marcel giving me advice of any kind and is followed by apologies.
6. More peeing than usual but I'm also upping my intake of water so fair's fair.
7. Tired, tired, tired.
8. The fear of summer. Okay, it's not really a symptom but I'll be pregnant all through summer, without air conditioning so our sea breeze better not fail us. The last couple of months will thankfully be cooling off but I'm terrified of having pregnancy issues while hot and sweaty. Such a bad mixture.

That's all I've got for now. I'm off to get fruits, veggies, nuts and all that shit I suddenly have to eat to make the little penguin happy & healthy. Gone are the days of pregnant women indulging themselves apparently. I'm also told (by my book & the blasted internet) that I have to exercise every day. We'll be adopting any future children.